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Original poster

Confronting the Other Woman?

497 replies

PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:11

I've posted this within my other thread 'Partner help please?' but it's sort of a different issue...

We ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

I don't know what I've done or what to make of it

OP posts:
WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 16:16

you don't know he hasn't replied and as for her texting him last night, he had verbally abused her, she had every right to challenge him, you dopn't get to treat people however you like and expect them to just do what they are told because you want them to

gobbynorthernbird · 26/01/2014 16:17

Phoenix, I think most of us think he was fine with her until that point.
Personally, I don't believe there was an affair, but if there was it would be your DPs fault. Remember, this is the bloke who was quite happy to pretend you didn't exist.

HolidayArmadillo · 26/01/2014 16:20

What evidence do you have for anything ever happening between your husband and her? Do you just have his version of anything?

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 16:21

Gobby - you don't think there was an affair? I think you're the first person to say that!

HolidayArmadillo - The whole thing lasted about two minutes so it wasn't as if I caused a huuuge scene, though I appreciate it wasn't a good thing I did

WeekendsAreHappyDays - He'd told her to leave him alone, though, and she still didn't? If she had any self respect wouldn't she have just left it? (again, I know I could have reacted better)

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 16:22

HA - Yes, he said she hasn't left him alone for a year and he hasn't done anything

My devil's advocate friend also pointed out this woman was talking to two men at the time who she may have been on a date with...

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 26/01/2014 16:23

You are really clutching at straws now.

W00woo · 26/01/2014 16:23

Hi

I think he probably was fine before last night. If he wasn't, she wouldn't have been so confused. Didn't you find out about a lunch away from the 'gossip'? It could have been as just friendly colleagues, but to be honest that would probably be even more confusing to her - why if they were just friends should she be treated like that?

I would think it very odd if my husband behaved in that way - although I think he would have pulled me back because he would be embarrassed of the scene regardless of what happened.

Honestly, I think your senses tell you you do not know the whole story and probably never will. That can make you feel powerless. What you can control is how you behave from now.

I hope for you that there are no repercussions, however from over 10 years working in hr these situations do have a habit of bleeding into work and I suspect your husband will have some explaining to do. If anything , We also expect a higher degree of integrity and behaviour from our managers so I hope he does not try to further alienate her at work.

Maybe time for him to seek alternative employment???

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 16:25

some people (like me) hate being told what to do - if you had verally abused me like that in public, I would have texted out of anger and for the hell of it to be honest

gobbynorthernbird · 26/01/2014 16:26

I very much doubt she would've been confused if the partner of the person she'd been illicitly shagging, and who she probably knew would be at the event, came and had a go a her.

HolidayArmadillo · 26/01/2014 16:26

So your husband told you this woman has been after him for a year? And you believe him? With nothing to corroborate this? You're mad. Sorry. But you are. I'd do what the poster unthread suggested and contact this woman, apologise profusely and ask for her version. Your partner is spinning you a line and you've foolishly fallen for it. Even if they have been having rampant sex she is not the one who made marriage vows to you, or impregnated you and promised to be a good partner and father. She owes you nothing. Your ire needs to be directed elsewhere.

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 16:26

and so what is she was out on a date - you are going to make yourself really ill and you have 2 small children in this mess as well

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 16:27

if you value your husbands job I would advice against contacting her!

shartsi · 26/01/2014 16:29

You have posted on here admitting you assaulted the woman. If the police took your computer, they would find the evidence too.

myrtleWilson · 26/01/2014 16:31

How many times did you walk back past her? Surely there was no need to do that?

WeAreDetective · 26/01/2014 16:31

But she was texting to find out why she deserved being attacked.

And what makes you think that just because your DH told that what he said to her, that this is what happened??

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 16:32

Woo - No, he never met her. I saw the message on his phone from her and confronted him about it and blocked her. He's always so unhappy in his job and is very stressed but when we talk about it we feel we cant have him leave because he has responsibilities/our chuldren/mortgage to pay for

Weekends - why would she have text saying she was in tears and it had ruined her night if she wasn't trying to play the sympathy card? With the date thing, my friend meant that this woman could have been sitting there with a date and I shouted at her about my partner making myself look worse

HA - Yes he said that since I saw them together/first heard from the mutual

OP posts:
WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 16:33

He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too

You actually think she needed to pay any attention to someone who behaved like this - it was disgusting

gobbynorthernbird · 26/01/2014 16:34

She texted him because she HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 16:35

Myrtle - twice. She'd stayed sitting down looking like she'd been crying for about an hour and a half. My partner didn't look at her and kept his eyes down, though we didn't hold hands while walking past either of those times. The way to the smoking area was that way thats why we passed

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 26/01/2014 16:36

Have another look at the text. The bulk of it isn't about her upset.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 16:36

If that was the case, wouldn't she be more inquisitive, not tell him she was crying and it ruined her night that she'd paid £150 to go to

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 26/01/2014 16:36

"Play the sympathy card" to whom, for what???

She. Is. Not. Your. Main. Problem.

KatieScarlett2833 · 26/01/2014 16:38

What, you don't think she has the right to be shocked and upset after being assaulted and verbally abused for doing fuck all?
Really?

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 16:38

Weekends - why would she have text saying she was in tears and it had ruined her night if she wasn't trying to play the sympathy card?

Maybe because its the truth, she was pissed off, she spent a lot of money and got attacked and verbally abused by him and his wife???

It doesn't read the way to me that you are reading it.

KringleCandleLover · 26/01/2014 16:39

Re police finding out facts.

People are only ever arrested on suspicion of something.

Its how police get to the nittygritty of incidences and sort the fact from non fact.

From a police pov I seriously doubt anything will come of this.

Calm down x