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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Confronting the Other Woman?

497 replies

PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:11

I've posted this within my other thread 'Partner help please?' but it's sort of a different issue...

We ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

I don't know what I've done or what to make of it

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 21:44

I'm leaving for home in about half an hour so the children will be fast asleep.

Apparently she's terrified of going in to work tomorrow, why would she be if she felt she did nothing?

OP posts:
MrCabDriver · 26/01/2014 21:45

He lead her on and tried to start a relationship with her.
You fell pregnant and he probably felt in too deep.
They still had feelings/chemistry for each other.
Maybe tried to go no contact but also started it up a few times here and there, confusing her.
He swore at her last night because he HAS to make himself look innocent to you.

Your husband sounds like a dirty shit.

I feel sorry for you OP because you are obviously hurting and desperately trying to block out the truth.

I think poking/shoving her arm is the least of your worries.

I think you need more real life support x

MrCabDriver · 26/01/2014 21:46

I believe she would tell a friend and it is the truth because she feels like she has been made out to be the very bad one when hang on a minute look how he's behaved.

Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 21:48

Ok I'm outta here.

If you are still asking questions like that, we will never be able to get through to you.

Plus that post about the police wasn't true.

Arkina · 26/01/2014 21:48

Being afraid of going into work doesn't make her guilty

if some idiot I worked with had approached me when I was out for an evening then his wife had a go at me and assaulted me I think Id be nervous too

Looks like whatever anyone sees the op sees herself and partner as the victims and this girl as the completely guilty evil party

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 21:49

When my friend said she sounded broken she said she was past caring and done with all of this/she doesn't need this. 'Especially to be humiliated in front of her friend last night for no reason'

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 26/01/2014 21:50

What Ton said.

ThinkFirst · 26/01/2014 21:50

It's your partner you should be angry with, not her. She didn't have a commitment to you, have a home and a child and a life with you, yet SHE is the one who took your feelings into consideration when she found out he was actually still in a relationship with you and having a baby. SHE was the one who walked away. NOT your partner, who is the one supposedly commited to you. He not only cheated on you (emotionally at the very least) but then carried on chasing her after she'd told him to stop. He's the one you should be directing your anger at, not her. She was most likely lied to by him also.

GarlicReturns · 26/01/2014 21:51

I can well believe the cops didn't want to be bothered with two women having a bit of a barney over a bloke.

I'm not surprised you feel numb, Phoenix, you've been working so very hard at your denial :( You must be in shock just now. Glad you're with your friend.

I can understand how you might feel scared that, if you have it out with him, he'll run straight off to Ms Pretty and take up where they left off. This does in fact look quite likely - though we don't know whether she'd still have him after all this crap. He set her up last night, as well as you, didn't he Angry

Thing is, he'll do what he does. He's a person wanker in his own right, with free will. You're stuck with deciding whether to put up & shut up (I think that would be very bad for your mental health) or telling him to sling his hook, because you deserve more respect than he's been paying you!

Who knows, you might figure this out between you after a split - or you might wake up & realise you're worth better than him - but you're really stuck with giving him some marching orders.

Horrid, I know.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 21:51

No, it's not that way, I'm just dumbfounded that this time last night I was holding hands having a nice time with my partner and now here I am, my entire world falling apart

Tons - thank you

OP posts:
MrCabDriver · 26/01/2014 21:52

OP, what are you thinking with regards to your husband right now?

GarlicReturns · 26/01/2014 21:52

It's true what ThinkFirst says ... Ms Pretty has had far more concern for you in all of this, than your partner has.

rach2713 · 26/01/2014 21:52

Your always goin to find another reason not to like the poor girl or believe her so at the end off the day leave her alone and get on with your life and forget her it's your husband in the wrong

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 21:55

ThinkFirst - she told my friend that he was the one that walked away by telling her about my pregnancy, and when she heard that she thought what choice does she have but to have nothing to do with him

Garlic - I don't actually think she would have him, my friend said that she told her she'd rather it if she never had to look at him ever again and she's still reelinghe spoke to her like that with no provocation

Anyone leaving the thread - thank you for your replies, I truly do appreciate them

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 26/01/2014 21:56

hmm is it just me that's finding a lot of OP's posts a bit Hmm Hmm

MrCabDriver · 26/01/2014 21:56

What are your thoughts on your husband and his behaviour?

Do you trust him?

GarlicReturns · 26/01/2014 21:57

Can't say I blame her! He's put you both through the mincer, really, all for the sake of his own ego.

Are you going to stay with your friend tonight? Who's with the DC?

rainbowsmiles · 26/01/2014 22:01

Yeah cos up until you shouted at her everything was perfect! Eh?? Utterly moronic! And yeah I think the OW sounds nicer than either you or your contemptible partner. I hope she gets a new job and sues her current workplace. Goodnight.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 22:02

MrCab - I can't live with him lying like this or rather with no trust

The fact he didn't back me up last night is playing on my mind

I'm going home as I didn't leave enough milk for 2 days away and I don't want to be away from my babies. He is looking after them and has been since midday

OP posts:
GiniCooper · 26/01/2014 22:04

Hang on, where's your DP all day while you're stalking this woman through your 'friend'.

MiniTheMinx · 26/01/2014 22:04

Do you know what I think. I think she was infatuated with him, he lied to her. He is with you because she fell pregnant again and he realised she would know he had lied. He is also with you because he is trying to do the right thing but I do think he probably was/is in love with her. If you are able to accept that any of that could be true and live with it fine, if not I think you only have one choice available to you.

MiniTheMinx · 26/01/2014 22:05

*because you fell pregnant again

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 22:05

You think he was in love with her too, Mini?

Thats not something I can live with

OP posts:
MilanBlu · 26/01/2014 22:06

Phoenix, so where are you? I don't think you should have left.

coffeeinbed · 26/01/2014 22:07

Is he looking after the DC?