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Original poster

Confronting the Other Woman?

497 replies

PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:11

I've posted this within my other thread 'Partner help please?' but it's sort of a different issue...

We ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

I don't know what I've done or what to make of it

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 19:58

They talk normally at work and everything was 'fine', he attempted to call her a nickname he used to call her and she told him not to. I also found out that he knew she'd been to this club before. In August she'd left a note for her boss (not him) saying she was booking off X date as she was going to this event...she'd left the note under her handbag and he'd moved it, read it and then about 20 mins later brought up that she was going and they had a chat about it

In October she sent him that message asking if she could meet him for a coffee away from work as she didn't want to start any more rumours off. She told my friend the reason she'd done it was because she had heard more rumours about him and her and she wanted to know if he knew where it had come from away from walls with ears. When she brought up the fact he 'blocked' her he told her I'd gone mental and when she explained what it was about his reply was 'ohh right' quite casually and that she told him that he knows she cares about him and she'd never do anything on purpose to cause trouble for him. When he asked what the rumour was she didn't want to say at work but told him that he knew she was attracted to him so it didn't take agenuis to work what it was out and that he didn't follow and laughed saying he was happy with me and she told him that she wasn't propositioning him and he walked off grinning.

Then a month or so later she reminded him about shadowing him (which they'd talked about the month prior) as he is the big boss (as well as two other people) and he agreed, so the only text she sent were saying a few days she could do and questioning him when he didn't turn up, and one christmas/NY text that she'd hit send all on

Then this month in early Jan she'd spoken to him about last night's event and about tickets being sold out and he looked online for tickets for her and confirmed they were sold out and looked at the line up together having a nice chat

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Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:01

She said they'd spoken last week about a personal matter and he told her he would ask me for my professional opinion and let her know what I said for her.

All this last week she said he's been avoiding her and not looking at her or physically looking down when she's around.

Then last night happened. And she told my friend she's in bits and doesn't know what to do, she's been devastated all day and is terrified about going in to work tomorrow. She also admitted to my friend that she was in love with him but had been nothing but friendly/normal since finding out about the baby

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Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:02

MadBus - Yes thats right

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WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 20:05

she knows this woman is your friend - you are not going to get the truth like this either accept it and move on or tackle your dp - leave her alone and do not get your friends involved, it gets more child like by the post

sykadelic15 · 26/01/2014 20:06

I don't know what you think, but I believe her and I think you've been played.

It's obvious there's no affair going on right now, but he seems to enjoy making you crazy about it.

The lying would really bother me.

MadBusLady · 26/01/2014 20:06

Well, TBF, this is the first time there has been a proper alternative story to set against the bloke's, that isn't based on what someone else overheard or saw at work.

And he doesn't look good. Not surprised he was trying to drag you away from her.

What are you going to do? I presume he will just deny all this.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:10

She said she was so confused as nothing has happened like that in 7 months and the last time they spoke he was being nice to her saying he'd ask me for my help for her so to have me shouting at her when that was the last time they spoke ?!

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Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 20:13

The woman gave this amount of detail on FB messages? Really?

There are more interlopers involved in this than a military coup.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:18

No, she contacted her through facebook but then spoke to her on the phone.

She also said that she has a text on her phone offering to come in to help her with her work and get my parents to look after our child if she wanted :( wtf

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MiniTheMinx · 26/01/2014 20:20

I would be inclined to believe her, she has no vested interest because A) she doesn't have to keep you happy B) by saying she is in love with him but dropping him in the shit, she is unlikely to please him.

I suspect he told her that his physical relationship with you was dead, you were basically nothing more than parents to your first child. She started to fall for this lie and an affair would have happened, had it not been for you announcing the pregnancy. To her credit, it appears that she put you first in this and was understandably upset that he had lied to both of you.

What are you going to do about your relationship with this deceitful scumbag?

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:21

MBL - Does her version sound believable to you?

Why would he be nice to her saying he'd ask me for my help 'for her', then avoid her and not be able to look at her last week...and then last night?!

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Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 20:22

I see.

I'd say the only thing she's lying about now is that nothing physical went on between them before the pregnancy announcement.

TinselTownley · 26/01/2014 20:23

I once had the wife of a colleague have a real go at me at a work function because she thought I was the OW. Nothing could have been further from mine or her husband's minds. We got on well as colleagues and really enjoyed working together. I was 18, he was 30 with a young child. I think one of the reasons we did get on was because, in a male dominated environment, he was one of the few I knew would never try it on not least because he was utterly besotted with his wife and adored his child. His face lit up when he talked about them and he did so often.

I say this because it is possible to get entirely the wrong end of the stick, especially after a few drinks. She was hugely embarrassed and apologised to me profusely the next day. I was just bewildered and then really felt her pain the next day. Had she have assaulted me, as you did, I don't think I'd have been quite so forgiving. I also suspect her husband would have resigned due to the shame.

I'm afraid, like others, I think your husband's the problem here and I think your relationship sounds utterly horrible and really, really immature.

You say he's the 'big boss'. Is he the kid in a suit on the bog roll advert?

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:24

Oh thats another thing, she said he told her on a certain date that would make me 10 weeks, a week after I told him and before he told anyone else

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MadBusLady · 26/01/2014 20:27

She could well be downplaying her part.

But that isn't really as important as the fact that it drops him squarely in the shit, and it tallies with stuff you already know.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:28

Tinsel - I didn't get the wrong of the stick though, did I?

When I say big boss, I mean boss of big dept rather than her direct supervisor

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Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:29

MBS - when you say drops him in the shit, would you class this as an affair?

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WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 20:29

Well, it sounds to me like he has been playing the both of you - she has been leaving you both alone, you need to decide what to do - not a bunch of internet strangers.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:30

Also, why on earth would he be fine with her, then avoid her to the point of looking to the floor last week, to shouting fuck off at her last night?!

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Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:31

Weekends - if she's been doing nothing for 7 months, why would he still tell me shes obsessed with her

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TinselTownley · 26/01/2014 20:32

I'm not sure you can be sure, with so many sticks, proxy sticks and 'friends' sticking their beaks in where the stick does indeed have an end, let alone which one's which.

I do know I'd think long and hard about grasping his stick until I KNEW precisely where it had been.

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 20:32

Do you really need me to answer that?

Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 20:33

Of course it's an affair! She's in love with him and he spoke of love to her. She knew his pin code! No-one's that tactile in full view of people when there's nothing physical going on, especially so now you know the feelings were reciprocated and mutual. They were seen holding hands weren't they?

She's not going to tell your friend she shagged him, is she?

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 20:34

I don't know, my friend said she sounded 'broken'

Weekends - are you going to say because he still wants her? Or wants her to be?

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Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 20:34

Oh Man!

He gave you a load of shit last night before going out that she was a stalker.

That fuck off was for your benefit, to keep that story going of course!

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