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Relationships

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Original poster

Height difference: a tall order

134 replies

verticallyconfused · 24/01/2014 09:04

What is the height difference between you and your OH? Do you ever think about it? Are you happy/does it bother you?

I know this sounds incredibly shallow, but my wonderful DP is only a few inches taller than me, and it seems to have the unsettling effect of sometimes making me feel awkwardly big, and more like a friend than a GF.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I just being ridiculous? He is loving, caring, concerned for my happiness and would do (pretty much) anything for me. We have fun together and I love him and can't really imagine not being with him.

I feel horribly selfish, if not just nuts, to be considering throwing away an otherwise great relationship over this - but every now and then it comes back to niggle at me.

We're young, healthy, live together but no DCs. Marriage is on the cards for sometime in the next few years.

Apologies now if I go quiet - busy day/weekend ahead. Would love to hear your thoughts. And any tips on how to get past this much appreciated.

OP posts:

Chunderella · 25/01/2014 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nokidshere · 25/01/2014 13:33

I am 5ft 2" and DH is 6ft 6"

The only time I ever feel it would be nicer not to be so much shorter is if I want to dance with him

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly · 25/01/2014 14:26

salon Do you think it's transphobic to dislike being told that you look like a man because of a physical characteristic you can't change?

I'd like to be thought of/looked at as a tall woman, not as a man!

I'm probably making this worse.... I'm sorry for using "tranny" in my post, I am aware that it's offensive and should have chosen different words.

BitOutOfPractice · 25/01/2014 15:27

OP your posts have struck a major chord with me.

My xDH and xDP are both 6'4". My current DP is 5'7" - the same height as me.

At first it did bother me tbh. And I felt awful that it bothered me. But the more I have got to know him and realise that he is possibly the kindest person I ever met, it bothers me less and less and less.

Very occasionally I miss the feeling of a much taller man enveloping me in his arms. But I wouldn't swap that feeling for the love my DP gives me now. My xDP, who I thought was the love of my life (and maybe he was) turned out to be a liar and cheat.

CaptainSinker · 25/01/2014 15:43

I am 6'. He is 5'10".

Not an issue for either of us. I was wearing heels when we met, so we both knew there was a height difference!

Jaffacakesallround · 25/01/2014 16:20

I don't think this is about height at all. If you read the last post from the OP she has many other worries and height seems like the scapegoat.

Theoldhag · 25/01/2014 16:33

Dp and I are both 5f 10' we see eye to eye on most things and yes I wear heals when out and about with him.

MistressDeeCee · 25/01/2014 17:35

Im 5ft 6, OH is 5ft 10 so not much difference in height. He's the tallest man Ive been with, I prefer men my height or shorter for some reason. Height isnt a deal-breaker if love is there, as I see it. If your partner being a bit taller means you're considering breaking up with him then I dont believe you love him. You have strong friendship feelings for him perhaps, but not romantic otherwise you wouldnt be worrying about something this trivial.

LouiseC1979 · 25/01/2014 18:48

My husband is 2 inches shorter! Bit weird at first, but he's great so I managed to get over it quite quickly! Sometimes I do wish he was taller so I could wear heels etc (that would look ridiculous!), but I'd rather be with him than anyone else!

livingzuid · 25/01/2014 20:06

It doesn't sound like height or attraction is the issue in the relationship op. Tbh one of your concerns seems to be about commitment ie on paper it is all so good so how come I am still scared to commit - type thoughts. Also it reads a bit as if you are in a relationship because it is the right thing to do rather than because you are wanting to commit to this man for ever. It's better to be alone than in a relationship just for the sake of it imo.

Fwiw on the height situation, I am 5'6''. I have only ever dated one guy who was shorter than me and I hated it he was also a dick. I don't get the comments about being shallow - everyone is attracted to different things and for me I don't want to date short guys. I like to have a man taller than me. For some it matters,for others it doesn't. So what. Wouldn't the world be a boring and uber competitive place if we were all attracted to the same thing.

X was 6'2'' and super skinny. I always felt so clumsy and fat next to him. DH is 6'1'' and considered short here. But he's very well built and I love feeling safe and protected with him, something I didn't get from my X but stayed with him way too long because it seemed like the right thing to do. Actually his eventual inability to make me feel safe and protected and cherished led to me ending it - height was irrelevant.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

livingzuid · 25/01/2014 20:08

Sorry short guy was just an idiot his height had nothing to do with it!

MrsDavidBowie · 25/01/2014 20:14

I am 6 feet tall and dh is about 5 feet 10. (the same height as Mr Bowie)
I would love to be shorter...I feel awkward in heels, and lve standing next to tall men!

But he's the man I married , and I've got used to it now. Our children are 6 feet tall...and ds is only 14.

He is the tallest in his family.

BabyMummy29 · 25/01/2014 20:18

I am 5.5, OH is 6.4. I would never, ever go out with a man who is shorter than me. I know some people would think that's irrational but to me it is a major no no

Diamondjoan · 25/01/2014 20:28

5'7 vs 6'6! Have had partners closer to my height in the past. No preference and never been an issue or concern either way. Don't really notice couples height differential.

LauraBridges · 25/01/2014 20:31

I think bigger problems come when one person is fat and the other is not.

NoelMamereGaelMonfils · 25/01/2014 20:36

DP and I are both five foot four. Only problem is it's not very comfy having our arms round each other's shoulder / waist.

Lancelottie · 25/01/2014 21:41

Actually, while we're on the subject, any of the lengthier people here know where to buy a (replacement) 7 ft or so bed, for less than a small mortgage? Needs to be a bed frame rather than divan for boring medical reasons.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 25/01/2014 21:50

Lancelottie we have always just had to go for a footless bed and often DH's feet poke out at the end. He sort of curls up on his side though.

LizzieBelle · 25/01/2014 22:11

I would rather have a lovely kind decent shorter man, than a taller man who doesn't make you happy!

Hogwash · 25/01/2014 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointythings · 25/01/2014 23:02

I'm 5'11'', DH is about an inch shorter. The height differential is minimal and I couldn't care less, at my height there were never going to be a lot of taller guys around (unless I'd stayed in Holland where I'm from, but I wanted to live here to be with DH).

I guess it's all wrapped up in how badly you need your partner to be bigger than you and that is probably a bit primal - man the hunter and all that. I reckon I'm too much of a hardline feminist for it to matter to me.

Original poster

verticallyconfused · 25/01/2014 23:29

Thanks for the advice all. Am confused but getting very tired of being in limbo land. Sometimes I do think the best and only way out is to walk away now, but something always changes my mind. It's a daunting thought and I find my perspective on the whole situation changes daily (sometimes hourly!) Is exhausting and somewhat depressing :s

OP posts:

themaltesefalcon · 26/01/2014 04:29

Glad you're leaving him, OP. He really does deserve better, from the sound of it.

MissPryde · 26/01/2014 04:58

Oh op, your relationship sounds great. Don't throw it away. I honestly believe that if you were to leave, you would regret it. No relationship has the same heat later down the line as it does at the beginning. It's a biological response. Look at the good parts of your relationship. Are you comfortable with him? Is he your best friend, the man you want to raise kids with? Do you enjoy sex with him, take pleasure when you're together - even if you're not constantly crazy for him all the time?

I worry that you think you're missing out simply because you haven't been with another man long term. It's natural to have that hormonal response cool off. If you think another man will make you feel the intensity you felt in the first six months with dp forever, he won't. The honeymoon stage always fades - the trade off is having a partner you love and want to be with, for far more than sex.

If your relationship is unfilling in other ways, you need to address them. But going by the information here - if you think your relationship is lacking because you're past the honeymoon stage and you want to enjoy that forever with someone else, you're not going to find that, and you may make a terrible mistake.

feelingvunerable · 26/01/2014 06:29

My new partner is 6 foot and I,m 5'4 I love the height difference and love the fact he is tallet than me even when I'm in heels. Ex was 5'8 and I prefer a taller man.

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