Height difference: a tall order

[verticallyconfused]

What is the height difference between you and your OH? Do you ever think about it? Are you happy/does it bother you?

I know this sounds incredibly shallow, but my wonderful DP is only a few inches taller than me, and it seems to have the unsettling effect of sometimes making me feel awkwardly big, and more like a friend than a GF.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I just being ridiculous? He is loving, caring, concerned for my happiness and would do (pretty much) anything for me. We have fun together and I love him and can't really imagine not being with him.

I feel horribly selfish, if not just nuts, to be considering throwing away an otherwise great relationship over this - but every now and then it comes back to niggle at me.

We're young, healthy, live together but no DCs. Marriage is on the cards for sometime in the next few years.

Apologies now if I go quiet - busy day/weekend ahead. Would love to hear your thoughts. And any tips on how to get past this much appreciated.

Interesting thread. My friend is on a dating site & says he thinks that if he said he was 6ft +, he'd get more messages than he does now, when his height is 5ft 8. I said he was being daft but he's convinced that women want tall men.

An interesting blog about height and online dating

DH is about a foot taller than me and about 3 stone heavier. However my type was always small, quick, gymnast type guys so I don't know heat happened with gangly DH.

DS used to say we were like Han Solo and Princess Leia (in the Star Wars films there looks to be a good foot between them).

I am now 5th in height out of 6 in our house (only DS2 aged 7 is smaller).

I'm still the boss though

I am 5 foot and DH is 6ft1 (or 2) so over a foot difference.
It has never bothered me at all tbh. Been together for several years - since sixth form - and it really has never been an issue

DH is about 2.5 inches taller than me (he's 5'8"). But most people think we are the same height because I have much better posture than him and am always standing/sitting up really straight. It doesn't bother me at all. I like that most of the time we are almost eye to eye and can kiss standing up.

whenever someone throws up a topic like this then makes excuses to disappear my mind goes 'hmmm...feature fodder.'

I hope not.

I read somewhere that men tend to overstate their height and women to understate their height on online dating sites.

Men overstate most things about their bodies

I'm petite and could never ever look at a man in the eye because of my height. My DH is not particularly tall but next to me, he looks like a giant.

My dream has always been to be tall and not to have to look up at people. Funny how life is...

I think OP when and if you come back you need to be more precise. If your DP is a few inches taller than you- and you are the average 5 ' 5' for UK- and he is 5 10 say, what's the problem? If you are 5 1 and he is 5 3 then that's the issue.

You aren't dating Ronnie Corbett perhaps?

I am 5 3 and DH is 5' 10.5 (he loves to add the .5)

I don't feel comfortable with men over 6 ft and I'd be quite happy with someone 5' 8 or over.

Being more serious if you think his height is putting you off then think again- it sounds more to me like an excuse to hang your doubts on.

Me and my other half is of similar-ish height (to me anyway) and with heels I am about the same height as him. I love tall blokes because they make me feel small and petite - but really it doesn't matter in the long run! I think it would be silly to dismiss a good relationship due to such a minor "issue". It might take some getting used to, but it is insignificant. and so it should be.

I am 6'1 and DH is 6'5 - we look like we belong together, the giants against the rest of the world... Height isn't an issue for me, but it is for lots of men I meet who feel threatened by me

Thanks for all your responses - some good points.

At the heart of it I suppose the issue is lack of sexual attraction. Kissing and cuddling are great, but I hardly ever (almost never) feel like dragging him to bed. I still find him attractive, but it's like a lack of 'manly physical presence' thing. We've been together a few years at this point, and I'm struggling to figure out:

a. If this is just pretty normal for long term relationships. The butterflies don't last forever (for me they were pretty strong for the first 6 months or so) and beyond that it's about a more content feeling, and the attraction takes work. I do still look forward to seeing him.

b. Everything else in our relationship is so positive, it'll be ok to carry on like this (forever?), or if I'll always feel like/worry there might be something missing

c. It's just a fear of commitment, of this being 'it' thing - I've created a mental block because the next step is just rather scary. How do you know when you're making the right choice? Why do I feel apprehensive a lot of the time, instead of just in love and excited?

d. If I were to leave, what the chances of finding such a good relationship again are. It's easy and comfortable and I feel loved and safe. Life without him would just be sad, hard and lonely.

e. I just need some serious therapy. These are personal insecurities that I'm somehow projecting onto our relationship

There have been men (in the past) who I have been massively attracted to, particularly physically. Things have never got to this stage with any of them - either the relationship has been short lived and ended badly, or they have not shown the same interest in me.

I don't want to throw away something great just because I might have unrealistic expectations and put unnecessary pressure on things. I also don't want to rush into any stupid decisions, but know that at some point I'm going to have to commit one way or the other.

Thoughts/advice/similar experiences? Apologies this is all rather self indulgent and I realise that there are people posting in this forum with much more critical issues. Nevertheless, if you want to comment, I'd appreciate any feedback.

DH is about a foot taller than me. I suspect we look faintly ridiculous together, but fuck it, it really doesn't matter though did mean he could circle my waist on our wedding day with his enormous hands

Your point d doesn't sound like you want to end the relationship.

I'm 6ft, dp scrapes in at 5ft 8...we met when I was 17 and I was 5ft 9...I shot up in the 6th form. I did consider breaking up with him all those yrs back but. ...I guess I like them smaller than me!

My mum was am inch taller than my dad, sis is 4" taller than her husband.

I get intimidated by tall men (amd women! ) and I have always felt safer with him being smaller Ie he is not a huge hefty threatening presence. I dont want to be protected like others seemingly do. I oobviously have issues but cannot connect them to anything at all. ..

It sounds like you have a good relationship.
I'm 5ft 2in and DH is over a foot taller than me, so we fit the little woman/big man stereotype, but I dont feel like dragging him to bed a lot of the time either. Maybe his height has less to do with it, and its more of a dissatisfication with your sex life.

i'm too at all the tall guys with tiny women! Leave them for those of us that need them!

Totally relate to the PP who said her ex made her feel like a tranny. I went out with a guy who was 5 foot 6, I could have put my chin on his head (though I never did!) and he made me feel an utter freak. Short man syndrome is real.

Op

Advice- do NOT compromise if you are thinking of spending the rest of your life with this man.

If he doesn't 'do it' for you now a few years in then how will it be in 30 years ?

And how will you survive the stress and hard work of parenting?

Don't know how old you are, but settling for someone because you are scared of never finding anything better or indeed the same, is not a good enough reason for ending up with anyone.

Listen to your gut. If it's telling you to back off and end it, no matter how awful that feels to do, then listen.

It doesn't sound like you have a big problem with his height, especially as you fancied him so much in the beginning. It sounds like maybe you just need to see how things go for now, work on the other issues that are bothering you and see how things are in six months or so?

d. If I were to leave, what the chances of finding such a good relationship again are. It's easy and comfortable and I feel loved and safe. Life without him would just be sad, hard and lonely.

Your parents should make you feel loved and safe. As an adult you should feel loved and safe by your family and friends.

Life would only be sad, hard and lonely without him if you allowed this to happen. It is your actions that shape your life. Without him you'd met other people, go out, have friends, a career, and in time possibly meet someone else who makes your heart sing.

In answer to the original question: 18 inches.

Given that we're both horribly shortsighted, we can't even see each other's faces with our specs off.

This could account for a lot.

I'm 5'7" and DH is 6'5". He wishes he was a little shorter because he's self conscious with it and slouches a lot. But I like it, it means I can wear heels and still be shorter!

I dated someone who was my height and I hated the fact that he'd always comment on it. Dumped him quicker than I could say "bye bitch"

verticallyconfused, I think the height difference is the least of your worries.

DH is 5'7", I am 5'10". When we first met, I found him incredibly attractive and, 12 years on, I still do. I have no desire to feel small or protected, I love being tall, reaching up everywhere without ladders/steps, and taking up space - I matter, damn it! Then again, he has no insecurities about his height and I don't have any about mine. May I suggest that if someone makes you feel awkward for being the height you are then they are a knob, which tends to be nothing to do with their stature and everything to do with their shitty attitude.

I also wear heels from time to time and then tower over absolutely everybody, not just DH. What is wrong with looking 'like a tranny' anyway? Is that not slightly transphobic? Anyway, I digress.

I don't know how long you have been together, but I guess some loss of libido is normal. Is it that you find other men more attractive than your DH? What do you expect in a relationship? How old are you?

It is actually difficult to ascertain from your posts whether you just don't fancy him enough to commit or if you are scared by the commitment itself. I agree with you, therapy sounds like an excellent idea.

Sorry, lots of questions. Making a decision to commit is very scary. I never think about it being 'for life', which helps me. I always think - have we had a good week/month/year? Are we still having fun? And then make adjustments depending on the answer.