Height difference: a tall order

[verticallyconfused]

What is the height difference between you and your OH? Do you ever think about it? Are you happy/does it bother you?

I know this sounds incredibly shallow, but my wonderful DP is only a few inches taller than me, and it seems to have the unsettling effect of sometimes making me feel awkwardly big, and more like a friend than a GF.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I just being ridiculous? He is loving, caring, concerned for my happiness and would do (pretty much) anything for me. We have fun together and I love him and can't really imagine not being with him.

I feel horribly selfish, if not just nuts, to be considering throwing away an otherwise great relationship over this - but every now and then it comes back to niggle at me.

We're young, healthy, live together but no DCs. Marriage is on the cards for sometime in the next few years.

Apologies now if I go quiet - busy day/weekend ahead. Would love to hear your thoughts. And any tips on how to get past this much appreciated.

I'm 5ft 3in and dp is 6ft 3 in. This thread is making me think that's not so much a difference! He's also, very nearly, twice my weight.

Sometimes he'll be standing up straight and I notice his height again and it's unnerving. He's just so big! But I do like his height. I don't need to pull out the stepstool to get at the high cabinets with him around. I did date men similar to my height before him and it didn't bother me, but when dp and I had a break a while back I went on a few dates with a man just an inch or so taller and of similar build and I did feel awkward and uncomfortable after being used to dp.

Also, I come from a short family. Mom is my height, dad is 5ft 7in and my brother is the giant at a whopping 5ft 10 in. I joke that I'm with dp because someone had to bring tallness into our genetic line. I do get worried about his future children... no one in his family is under 6 ft, and having questioned him on his growth patterns it's quite likely our children will surpass me in height by age 12 or 13.

I'm 5'11" and my DH is 6'2". I did date men who were smaller than me.

When I was younger I was very self conscious about my height (a legacy from a school disco where my teenage crush refused to dance with me as I was taller than him!).

Now I love my height. I wear high heels alot. I love towering over most of the men at work. [

Can't believe some of the attitudes here.

My DH is 3 inches shorter than me. It really doesn't bother us. Sometimes we stand on the stairs for the sort of cuddle where I can bury my head in his (very manly) chest. Sometimes he likes to bury his head into my ample chest.

It's worked for us for over 20 years so far.

It never occurred to me that a woman might de-select a potential life partner over something so trivial.

It's not trivial, it's about what you're attracted to and what makes you feel good. OP I get where you're coming from. Really only you can know whether this is an unimportant niggle or whether it gives you a genuine sinking feeling about him/yourself.

I'm 5'2" and have always been attractive to tall, men. I just am.

DH is 6'2" I suppose we do look a bit daft together- I'm very petite, he's built like a rugby player, but I still like it after 25 years together. (Although I do have to stand on the kitchen step to have a good old face to face cuddle)

It's worked for the DDs too dd1 is 5'9" and dd2 is 5'7". I love that we have some tall genes on the family.

I understand what you mean. I'm 5'10" and middling build, I have dated men my height but often they were quite skinny with it which made me feel very 'big'. My Dh is 6'5" and I love it. Perhaps it's just social conditioning but to me it feels weird being with a man the same height or smaller.

Yes, height is just one more preference/point of attraction. It might seem shallow and trivial, but I don't think you can stop what you're attracted to or not. My attraction to dp is an important part of our relationship. It's by no means the most important, or even high on the list, but I'm very glad of it.

I don't think anyone on this thread mentioning their preferences one way or another has a bad attitude.

OP, I can understand if you didn't want to start a relationship with someone who was shorter than you, but I cannot imagine the sense in throwing away an established and good relationship wih someone you say you love and are planning to marry because he's only a few inches taller than you.

If I had known my DH was having doubts about me before we married because I wasn't tall enough, I'd consider him very shallow. Relationships are based on love, care, respect, companionship and shared, mutual interests and futures. Yes, you need to be attracted to him to make it work but are you really suggesting his height is more important than everything else your relationship with him provides you?

My Dad was very hunched and even hunched he was 6'5", my was is 5'6". My Ds is 6'5" and only 15. I reckon he'll be 6'8" before he stops growing. My brother is 6'8".

I've always been attracted to tall men, over 6', which is ridiculous as I'm 5'3". I don't think it's a big man / little woman thing, it's just what I like.

I realised a few years ago that less that almost every man I've ever slept with quite a few have been at least 6' AND blue-eyed - I definitely have a type

my mum not was . It read mum when I proof read it!

MissPride if the red book charts are accurate, each of my sons will be taller than me at age 9 or 10...

When I was on online dating sites, I was frequently called shallow by men because I said I prefered men over 6 feet tall!

The stereotype of big, muscular man, petite woman is quite prevalent perhaps you've internalised that as the paradigm.

The implication of your words is that a friend can be the same height but a gf must be smaller than her man.

Is it that it makes you feel less feminine, less sexy?

Because 'femininity' is an artificial construct.

I'm sure there used to be more height difference between me and DH. Not sure if I've grown or he's shrunk over the years
In and ideal world I probably would have liked him to be taller and I'd have liked him to have blue eyes, but I fell for him, not a feature of him, so I don't really think about it too much.

The great thing about being not too different in height, I think it's four or five inches, is that everything in the house and car suits both of us the same.

My OH is 5 inches shorter than me. My ex was about 4 inches taller than me. Don't think it made any difference apart from I was able to borrow the ex's shoes as we shared a shoe size.

I am about 4 inches taller than my husband and if I'm totally honest I would prefer it the other way round! I've never made it out to be an issue as I know he would also prefer to be taller than me! In the past I would have discounted fairly quickly anyone I perceived to be too short but you can't help who you fall for. I just hope my DSs grow up to be tall like their mummy!

How tall are you, springlike?

6'1- too tall IMO!

The trouble is practically everything is an artificial construct, including love, friendship, fairness, morality etc. but most people still live their lives by them. Nobody is outside cultural conditioning and it's not a case of simply recognising the constructed nature of it and then immediately throwing it off - although if you find there are unhelpful bits that you are less susceptible to than other people, good for you.

I'm the same height as my partner but have been attracted to and would date men much shorter than me.
You feel insecure because you've been brought up to think men and woman should fill certain roles. Try and challenge your insecurity and see it as that. Women are not meant to be small and weak!

Enrique: "The great thing about being not too different in height, I think it's four or five inches, is that everything in the house and car suits both of us the same."

That makes sense, except that when we were designing our wardrobes, the fact that dh was 1 foot taller than me meant we could fit two hanger rails into the wardrobe, with dh taking the upper one and me the lower one.

I am also just getting sense that something else is going on, OP. As MBL above is saying, we can be uneasy about something because it is an "artificial construct" we are finding it hard to be genuine about. OR we can feel uneasy about something because there is something to be uneasy about. Which is it?

It takes continued reflection and discernment to do this, its not easy but you could try ...

That's a good idea blueshoes although I'm not sure mine knows how to work a coathanger

You know what I mean though, wall mirrors and what things to keep on the lowest shelves of wall cupboards etc.

I would find a benefit in someone who could reach up for the higher stuff, but I've had to compromise with a very small set of kitchen steps instead.