Is he a cocklodger..or are my expectations wrong?

[Doratheexplorersboots]

Just that really.

DP (well, I say 'D'..) is not DC's dad. But we all live together. He is good with DC, great playing and interacting with them etc, but is rubbish (and I mean rubbish) round the house. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he hasn't lived with anyone in a while and it's a huge adjustment living with, not a ready made family as that sounds awful, but the shock to the system of dealing with one child and a toddler must be immense. I realise that.

However, we both work full-time (admittedly I've only just gone from PT to FT), but I do everything domestically. Ok so specifically that is: changing beds, all the washing, all the cleaning, all the washing up/dishwasher bits. He does the cooking, which is great must admit.

I know this may be a case of communication, but to be honest, I know it'll cause an argument. I did ask him to hang the washing out the other day and he did it, but in general I get the impression if I ask too much of him he feels put upon.
He sees the weekends for relaxing lying on the sofa with his feet up which, in an ideal world with a cleaner/housekeeper/cook, would be fabulous. He does get tired and gets headaches now & again, but we work the same office hours. Plus I, for obvious reasons, am more involved with looking after DC..I don't expect him to do as much as maybe he would if he was their dad, that would be grossly unfair.

I don't know..I'm just feeling a little fed up as today again I've ended up running round like a headless chicken doing everything while he lols about. And I'm not even that much of a tidy/clean person! I just realise clothes have to be washed and like a medium standard of cleanliness!

Sorry..bit of a rant. Help me with stories of what it should be like please

oh well thats good because for a while you were really coming across as saying that his behaviour was understandable (and OK)

You have either misread or deliberately misinterpreted my posts

why would i do that?

Because you and a lot of posters are looking at the situations in terms of absolutes and black and white rather than as a real life situation where not every man is abusive and every woman who post is 100% is perfect and down trodden. The op has every right to ask, but who knows what her tone has been ? Why is her dps opinion about her tone not valid just because what she is asking reasonable? We all know how tone can affect the reaction of a recipient( looks at teen kids)If you want corporation's a shared sense of responsibility - your more likely to get it if you approach it as a team work issue rather than trying to be the boss of another adult.
Is he saying that to stop her asking? Yes probably, but she could also have asked in a bossy way that's got his back up.
Another poster has been there and done that and resolved thvery e situation and virtually everyone has ignored this actually real life example to whinge on about humanity and victimology.
I keep say YES he's probably a knob but until you have the conversation how does anyone know.

And unless he has hurt/ea her it's not victim blaming to say a woman has a responsibility to make her needs clear. It's just a case of having a reasonable relationship and resetting boundaries now she works full time. I think it's very sad we paint every situation as abuse and every woman as a victim when it's very often just crap communication.

There are red flags and then there is just human nature - it down grades real abuse if you pop the word off every time.

And op again if you ARE afraid - then you need real to get out of the relationship help not a discussion about housework.

What are your thoughts today, OP ?

Have you tried adding up hours spent rather than just counting number of jobs done OP?

By the way, IME "all the cooking" for a week takes more time than cleaning house, washing clothes and managing a dishwasher. Also add in doing the shopping, DiY etc etc.