Just been propositioned for an affair!

[Bogeyface]

So will try and keep this brief. (Epic Fail. Sorry)

Am friends with several people at the local pub, including the landlord and landlady (old friends from eons ago), some locals, some semi regulars that are also friends of mine from elsewhere, blah blah.

There is a very jokey play ground atmosphere, if someone says something a bit sex related then there is lots of joking and laughing and taking the piss, amongst the men and the women. There is a man that often gives me and H a lift home (he is a teetotaler before you ask!) who I get on with and we have a laugh but no more than anyone else, H gets on well with him too.

Tonight there was an event that I went to alone and he offered me a lift home. After we got in the car he said that he had something to say to me and had practised it. Basically, he thought I was after him and he was up for it. So then I had to say that no I wasnt and thanks but no thanks. I think I did it sensitively enough for it not to impact on our "pub friends" thing, but it has pissed me off and upset me.

It is well known how protective and loving he is to his wife and he gets very cross if any of the men talk to her or flirt with her. I said "oh but you adore X" and he said "Do I?" at which point I wanted to lamp him one. I was just waiting for "oh she doesnt understand me/ we only stayed together for the kids/she is so demanding..." I liked him as a pub mate but can never look at him the same way again because now I can see that he has done this before. Little things that he said and did make more sense now. He is my fathers age btw and said it was an old mans fantasy. Fantasy I can deal with, but I wish he hadnt tried to make it real!

But what pisses me off the most is that he clearly thought I would say yes! I thought I was careful enough to not give that impression (past issues, accused of "asking for it").

I dont know what I am asking, I think I just need to vent.

In my case, horsetowater, it was a pretty big betrayal because it was my best friend, her fiance and my relatively new husband involved.

In ops case, some geezer off the pub.

Quint, your post was nasty for two reasons

1. you imply she lead him on by indulging in "banter" so it was her fault he decided to take it further

2. you know her H had an affair so saying "well this old duffer obviously thought you were in a open relationship" is just a low blow, tbh

AF, I disagree with you. You cant just pick assumptions out of the air and say they imply something.

The guy misunderstood sexual innuendo which as OP has explained is part of the culture in the group from the pub, and decided to try it on. Dont go talking about victim blaming just because he propositioned her on the basis of sexual banter that has been going on for some time. I am not defending him, and he has behaved disrespectfully, but she is NOT a victim.

....

I find it hard to believe that some old duffer's attempt at a pass and the reaction of the offended woman can really stretch to 6 pages.

There is life outside MN.
Like a 3 year old boy gone missing.

I think you're overreacting (but secretly flattered).

He's a "pub" "friend" - maybe not what you thought he was and so perhaps need to avoid him in future.

You are blaming her though, Quint. You are saying "no wonder this guy tried it on because..."

1. you led him on

2. you are in a marriage where cheating has taken place, so what did you expect

You are not the only one sayign thois though, Quint. Sorry to pick you out. It's just that your post was the most blatantly and succintly nasty one.

Where did I say she led him on? Stop making things up.

There is sexual banter in the group, and he took it the wrong way, and propositioned her. A pass is not unusual in a sexually charged atmosphere.

The referral to her husbands affair was unnecessary, but one cannot disregard that he might have thought their relationship was "open". It is a suggestion, not blaming.

If I was BF, I would wonder why you felt the need to be so mean. < shrug >

In ops case, some geezer off the pub.

Quint But it's not really, he is a friend of both of theirs and they have a lot of mutual friends.

It's not a random person as you suggest. And now that AF has brought it up again, your victim-blaming comment earlier was out of order.

oh there we go again, assumptions.

I am sure BF can speak for herself! She is a big girl, and can pull a punch like the rest of them, succinctly too.

If she comes here and say "ouch Quint you nasty biatch, that hurt" I will apologize to her. But I dont find it unusual at all for somebody to make a pass at another person, in that type of setting. Disrespectful to them both, yes, thoughtless, yes, but no big deal.

I have absolutely no interest in being nasty to BF, I like her.

My victim blaming comment?

Show me the victim.

I have absolutely no interest in being nasty to BF, I like her.

Then why the dig about her "well he must have thought it was open" marriage ? Un necessary and mean.

Yes, why do I mention something that is already talked about on the thread.

I dont know. Because I thought it could be likely?

I have no interest in staying here and be picked to pieces, so I will leave the thread now.

It might be best, Quint, as you haven't been remotely helpful.

Quint your comment Par for the course really if you are hanging out in pubs, indulging in sexual banter with all and sundry, with or without your husband present. Especially if people think you have an open marriage.

Bogeyface - is your dilemma that you want to tell the old dude he was out of order but don't want to ruin the atmosphere amongst a group of friends, or your H's initial reaction of indifference, then anger?

"It might be best, Quint, as you haven't been remotely helpful"

She's been extremely rational....ah - light dawns.

Yes OP I would quite like to see what you plan to do when you next see him.

I'll try my best not to mentally adapt it to an EE scene.

Now I have picture in my mind of the old duffer in question (as you do) and he has taken on the form of poor old Trigger from Only Fools.

What ? Dead ?

at AF