Just been propositioned for an affair!

[Bogeyface]

So will try and keep this brief. (Epic Fail. Sorry)

Am friends with several people at the local pub, including the landlord and landlady (old friends from eons ago), some locals, some semi regulars that are also friends of mine from elsewhere, blah blah.

There is a very jokey play ground atmosphere, if someone says something a bit sex related then there is lots of joking and laughing and taking the piss, amongst the men and the women. There is a man that often gives me and H a lift home (he is a teetotaler before you ask!) who I get on with and we have a laugh but no more than anyone else, H gets on well with him too.

Tonight there was an event that I went to alone and he offered me a lift home. After we got in the car he said that he had something to say to me and had practised it. Basically, he thought I was after him and he was up for it. So then I had to say that no I wasnt and thanks but no thanks. I think I did it sensitively enough for it not to impact on our "pub friends" thing, but it has pissed me off and upset me.

It is well known how protective and loving he is to his wife and he gets very cross if any of the men talk to her or flirt with her. I said "oh but you adore X" and he said "Do I?" at which point I wanted to lamp him one. I was just waiting for "oh she doesnt understand me/ we only stayed together for the kids/she is so demanding..." I liked him as a pub mate but can never look at him the same way again because now I can see that he has done this before. Little things that he said and did make more sense now. He is my fathers age btw and said it was an old mans fantasy. Fantasy I can deal with, but I wish he hadnt tried to make it real!

But what pisses me off the most is that he clearly thought I would say yes! I thought I was careful enough to not give that impression (past issues, accused of "asking for it").

I dont know what I am asking, I think I just need to vent.

Oh and I should add that the only reason I would mention it to the LLs DW is so it gets around the pub and he thinks twice about shitting on his own doorstep again! His wife wouldnt hear about it, I am certain of that.

Normally I am in favour of the wife being told, but nothing actually happene, it could easily be explained away as a misunderstanding (it wasnt, but ykwim) and I dont know her from Eve. Assuming she hasnt had his number for years and that this would be a revelation, at her age (70ish) I very much doubt she is going up and leave him, why make her life harder?

Wow...the creepiest part is him saying it's "an old man's fantasy." Eww.

As if you'd be flattered and more swayed by it?

I know!

I do keep coming back to that in my head, its exactly what he said. He said it when he was first talking about my "signals" before he actually said he was up for something, as if it was a compliment!

It makes me shudder thinking about it tbh.

And actually, I think I was supposed to say "But you are not an old man.." and launch into compliments so that his reading of the "signals" was confirmed thereby making it ok that he was trying it on because I obviously fancy him

Hi Bo, just wanted to reassure you that you will not have done anything to have caused his hideous behaviour, he sounds like he lives in his own little world were young witty females just find him so damn attractive!!! NOT Please be careful not to leave yourself in a position again where you are alone with this man. Hopefully he has got the message, but just in case he hasn't please be careful.

I quite like the idea about mentioning it to your friend, she could also keep an eye out for you from the creep.

DH is totally right in being angry at the total lack of respect this man has for you both, maybe a little word in his ear is needed from your DH so he knows that you are not keeping this a secret from your DH. If you all carry on like nothing has been said creep may think you may be game.

I think you bloody love it. If you weren't bothered you wouldn't be on here pretending to be offended

Sorry I need to rant!

I am really fucking angry now.

How stupid does he think I am?! His pathetic attempts at manipulation would be frankly laughable if it werent for the fact that he thought I would fall for them! "Oh but you adore X!" "Do I? [looking wistful]" GRRRRRRRRR!

And he must be very bloody sure that I wouldnt tell H about it, because that is a hell of a risk to take! He is so arrogant and sure of himself! I am incredibly insulted that he read me as the sort of person who would fall for this BS.

I am sorry, I know I am going on but the more I think about it, the more angry I am getting. He has insulted my intelligence, and frankly thats all I have (!) how dare he?!

he sounds like he lives in his own little world were young witty females just find him so damn attractive

You're right. He was known to have a soft spot for someone else who used to go there, but hasnt been for a couple of years. I wonder if he did the same to her. He is very sure of himself. There are a few things that I am seeing in a different way now, such as his sliming all over the young female bar staff. Before I thought it was just the banter that we all have (its a bit Viz Finbaar Saunders! ) but now I am not so sure.

I hope YOU as the poster got what I meant about your husband's reaction. It appears to have been misinterpreted by others, despite the clarification.

I was most bothered that his initial reaction was all about what this meant for HIM and not you. I could see you were shocked and upset yesterday and I'm not surprised that's been replaced by anger today.

For some reason, some seem to think either you or your husband might be flattered by the attentions of a creep. I do not get this at all.

Your husband must leave this to you to deal with. I would ask to speak to him in the pub and explain how offended and disrespected you felt by his actions. That you think less of him for putting you in this position and less of him for the disloyalty to his wife. I would not speak to the landlord's loose-tongued wife at all. Mainly because that's hardly fair on this horrible character's wife, having a whole pub gossiping about her marriage when no-one will have the courage to tell her.

I would do what Neil suggested. Seriously.

Put him right back in his place in front of your DH and his DW and any other witnesses.

If you are that upset about it then let the squirmy sod explain it to his wife.

Tbh he sounds like a silly old man who got a bit over excited and I can't actually see why you're making such a big deal out of it.

He propositioned you, you said no. Where else does this need to go? Getting your ducks in a row? Why? It's sorted.

As for talk about disrespecting you as a couple, maybe he knows your history with your H and his performing and doesn't think there's much to respect.

Well thank you Sparkly but my husbands past misdeeds are hardly the issue here, and if "OM" did know (there is no chance he could) then I still dont see why that gives him the right to treat me with such disrespect. Are you suggesting that because my husband had an affair that I am therefore fair game? Forget about H, it was disrespectful to MY marriage, which "OM" knows nothing about and therefore wrong.

I can't actually see why you're making such a big deal out of it.

You dont need to see why, surely you could just accept that it has hurt and shocked me that someone I thought was a friend would behave like that and respond accordingly.

I did understand Tom, I think he just needed time to think about it. At first it was a case of "Stupid old sod tried it on, you told him to fuck off, end of." and then he thought about it.

Some of these posts really do show how conditioned some women are to thinking that men harassing them is no big deal.

This one engineered it so that the poster was in his car with him driving. No ability to walk away and no chance of witnesses.

I'm glad you understood what I was saying yesterday. That's all that counts.

That's pretty grotty! Ugh, how incredibly patronising of him to think you'd be taken in by "wistful looks" and cheesy, creepy lines such as "an old man's fantasy."

How you didn't lamp him, Bogey, I will never, ever know.

Oh and Sparkly its very bad form to bring up an OP's past posts on a thread. Thanks for that!

If anyone had done this to me my DP would have lamped him. It is a serious attack on a man's pride to mess about with his partner under his nose.

This man is a very nasty piece of work. I would let it be known all round the pub, tell his wife and tell everyone else. He has crossed a very clear boundary.

I suspect his actions are not as hot-headed as they seem either. Sometimes people make these kind of indiscretions to gauge levels of secrecy and play people off against each other. So he will be waiting to see who finds out and who doesn't. If you didn't tell anyone he would think he had you wrapped up. If he knows you've told DH and he hasn't reacted he will feel power over him. If DH has 'words' with him but tells nobody else he will probably still feel he has 'won'.

I think a pub brawl is in order, Eastenders style. Keep us posted!

How you didn't lamp him, Bogey, I will never, ever know.
I was embarrassed and trying to be nice!

I realise how laughable that is now, but despite my MN persona, in RL I am not very aggressive or pushy. I was thinking "lamp him" but I was .... actually thinking about it I was feeling pressured and cornered so I was trying to be nice.

THats fucked up isnt it?

:o Horse I would love a "Keep away from my FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMLEEEE" type EE job, but not sure the LL would appreciate it! :o

X post I didn't see that your DH has had an affair. Does creepyman know about that?

I understand why you didn't respond angrily. Women are conditioned not to offend and you were in shock. Men like this rely on that. You were also captive in his car. Do not concern yourself with that.

Neither should your partner concern himself with any displays of machismo and revolting displays of territorialism.

You are a woman in your own right who has been disrespected and forced into an uncomfortable situation not of your choosing. Deal with this yourself.

No he doesnt, and I am fantastically pissed off that it has been brought up here. Its not relevant, and even his Creepyman did know, it wouldnt mitigate his behaviour in any way.

I think you're being a total drama queen about it tbh. And no I do not mean to suggest you are "fair game" please don't try to create that to add yet more drama to this thread. You are very open on MN about your H's previous behaviour, I wondered if you are that open about it in RL. If so perhaps he thought there wasn't much of a marriage anyway and that you might be open to his advances.

He sounds like a silly old goat that everyone probably sniggers behind the hands at. He made a few silly comments and got knocked back summarily.

But being insulted because he doesn't respect your marriage and you blah blah blah just seems like you are looking for drama.

You said yourself that nothing happened, he asked, you said no. Where else does this need to go?