The Brave Babes Battle Bus - A New Year, A New YOU!

[Mouseface]

New Year Resolutions Anyone?

Welcome one and all, I'm Mouse, nice to meet YOU. :)

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, it's all up to you.

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's in YOUR hands.

Whatever your goal, you'll find unconditional support here. Always.

There will be talk of drinking quite often and those who fall off the Bus will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY threads would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers, but EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE :)

There are no hard and fast rules, other than the support here is unconditional, it may be in the form of tough love at times, but it's always meant with the very best of intentions.

There are two sayings that we rather like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

For those of you who'd like some history, here is the very first thread and the reason that we're all here now. FIRST THREAD

And here is the lastest thread, which you can scroll back through to see the other JOURNEYS SO FAR

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, it is honest and it will help you to achieve what it is that you seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

See you soon. x

< issues joey golden lifetime membership medal >

< shakes hand solemnly >

Now you know why I hang around here so much too

(You thought it was the witty company and intelligent debate didn't you )

How are you doing spinach, did you manage to get through dinner?

Intelligent debate? On here?
We have a virtual bus, a roof rack of regulation, a squid called Barrie, a dressing up box, a sidecar with a dog called Spirit,a rationing of opal fruits, sometimes a Salvation Army band and... horrid baby doll.
Intelligence is generally in short supply!

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Joey - here, this is your life long membership, you got it the day you stepped foot on the Bus. Even if you leave, you're always a member lovely.

That's what makes this Bus so great - 'you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave'

Sweetheart, your life is better without alcohol in it. You know it, I know it, everyone reading this and the other threads know it.

You have to be brave.... strong.... scared..... at rock bottom and then really hit rock bottom to make sure..... and then you get on this Bus, grab your seat and CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

For the better.

I need to go to bed, Nemo is having a really rough time of it just now with his reflux, cold, cough etc.

Be back tomorrow.

Love you all xxx

Morning babes

Friday morning here. I'm about to start my 4th sober week-end. Miracles happen here on this bus. Who needs intelligent conversation!

I'm still having pangs every now and then, but I so know that I have no control over my drink. Anyway, I'm not interested in 1 or 2 glasses of wine. What's the point of that?? I want 2 bottles. It's as simple as that. And 2 bottles ruins my life in every way. So I'll just stick to disgusting coke zero. Actually, I think I need to find another nice drink. Last night I drank tonic water. It was nice. My friends all drank about 2 glasses of wine each and then had a coffee. Imagine that. Very civilized behaviour and not something I've ever been able to do. If I'd been drinking I would have had a bottle to myself at dinner. Probably a couple of glasses before I went out too and then probably another couple of glasses when I got home. Just to make sure I'm really drunk. And then I would have woken up at 3am with regret, anxiety, guilt, etc. etc.

^just reminding myself^

Have a good evening all.
Soc

I hear you on that Soc.
We never regret NOT drinking the next morning!

Hi quick check in before I head off for work. so far I've had 1.5 units this week which I'm happy with. I've put plans in place for Saturday with the dds which mean I can't have more than one glass tonight - funny how it's easier to control drinking for somebody else. kind of like I don't value myself enough to do it for me alone

Good morning ladies - thanks for the thought, fairenuff. I didn't have any wine last night, and it was . . . easy.

Now, I know from (lots of) experience that last night was an easier night. There will be much, much harder ones. I was busy, and nothing madly stressful had happened that day. But it definitely did help knowing that I'd told you ladies on here.

In a way, because we're so RL-anonymous, I can be honest with you, and there's less pressure than if I'm talking to my concerned husband, or a get-em-in-and-out-the-door counsellor. And paradoxically, that makes me feel more like doing it. I suppose when I talk to you about booze 1) you understand; 2) you're all lovely and supportive and 3) it doesn't come with this storm of shame, guilt and self-recrimination, which tends to make me . . . want a drink!

It wasn't so long ago that I couldn't imagine going a day without a drink. I was drinking 14 units a day, without even noticing. I was terrified at the idea of giving it up during pregnancy, and going 9 months without a drink seemed impossible.

Now I can go a day without drinking (when I don't 'have' to) and it's not a total white-knuckle ride. I should give myself some credit for that rather than thinking 'yeah, but it's still not good enough'.

I've told my hubby, and he's going to cut down with me (he barely drinks much anyway, but he wants to be supportive, which is lovely). I've planned tonight: we're making a nice dinner, and I asked him to buy a half-bottle of something bubbly at the supermarket. So I can't have more than 1/4 of a bottle of wine tonight. And I'm holding with that idea OK.

Apologies for the essay. I feel a bit self-centred typing out reams of stuff about myself on here, but . . . it helps.

Have a great Friday, everyone!

Well done spinach and there is no such thing about a me post on here. Get it all out.

Now as its Valentines day -shudder- who is feeling the lurve? Puts Barry White LP Barry White on the iPod and lowers the lighting. Today Gerald is the lurve bus.

spinach don't feel self-centred. Anything goes on this bus so splurge away. I find it very helpful sometimes to just write about myself. I must be very fascinating because so far no one has complained.....

It's not actually self-centred anyway, because I find it hugely helpful to read about other people's struggle, ways of coping and success stories. It has all helped me in some way. And I'm very grateful to everyone who posts here.

Any day AF is a good day so well done.

Soc

Morning babes boing!!!

Haven't felt the boing for ages but my escape route from work is all planned out...

Have received roses today and a card,we don't usually bother but it's been a tough year so far so DH must have felt a bit sorry for me. We gave ds a card with a teddy on the front- he thought he'd won the lottery! Honestly!

Well done babes on abstaining. Too right that there is no such thing as a me post on here- we all get it and just try to look after each other as best we can. Bit lacking on the sanity front though...

spinach I can identify with lots & lots of your post. If you don't mind me asking,are you seeing a dr with regards to ttc? I only ask because I don't think that the drinking and ttc difficulties are the same thing. Obviously you are doing your best to tackle both- well done.

Have a great valentines day babes

Thanks socfish, ma.

guggenheim, I'm not seeing a doctor right now, though I'm thinking about making an appointment. I understand I'm entitled to ask for investigations after 3 MCs. To be absolutely honest with you, I don't want to go because I know they'll ask me about my alcohol intake. If I'm honest, that's all they see of me. You can't say to a doctor 'look, this takes bloody years to set right, three years ago I was drinking a couple of bottles of gin a week, there's no way I want to harm my baby and I've been doing really well so far, I went teetotal when I was pregnant, but you need to understand that it's still a real struggle when I'm not.' They'll just imagine I'm an irresponsible person who'll probably slide back to slugging bottles of wine when I'm 6 months gone. When I was pregnant I told my midwife that I used to drink heavily (in case it was relevant), and though she was nice she also clearly thought I was a relapse risk. It's no use telling people that the knowledge you're looking after your baby is just 'enough', and that you know you won't let it down.

If I'm not honest, on the other hand, then I'm withholding something which may be important to their diagnosis and I'll feel like a liar.

I don't think, taking a step back, that my drinking is heavy enough to be having an impact on TTC. I'd need to be drinking more than I am to have mucked up my cycles and/or implantation. And most of 2013 I was pretty restrained. The reason I'm on here now is that I can feel it slipping in the face of all this stress.

However, I also struggle with anxiety and depression, and the 'drinking-while-TTC' thing massively preys on my mind in my darkest hours. I have many moments where I think I'm useless because I find it so hard to keep my drinking moderate, and I imagine that everyone else who's TTC has effortlessly gone teetotal, stopped drinking coffee, given up smoking, got fit and started eating their 5-a-day, and that I'm not up to scratch so I deserve it.

Of course there are lots of good things about me: I'm not overweight, I don't smoke, I don't take drugs, I exercise regularly and I had a battery of tests before TTC to make sure my past drinking hadn't left me with any permanent damage. It's just that the drinking is such a magnet for anxiety.

Bloody hell, another essay. On a lighter note, there will be no Barry White chez spinach tonight. For the first year ever, there will be no cards, presents or enforced romance! Just a good dinner, if I can get out in the pissing down rain and get the ingredients in

Does the bus have wet weather tyres on? I'm concerned about its road grip, particularly towing all this weight.

Don't worry about wet weather tyres - Gerald is amphibious and can cope with anything.
I don't really know how to respond to your TTC questions but I'm sure there will be other ba Ds who can relate to it. You sound like you are being very honest with yourself which is a good thing.

mouse how is the little fish boy today?

Babes, not bads lol.

bads is pretty good.

Hi babes, still can't see the screen properly due to dropping it while carrying dd (better phone than dd) so I can't say much other than welcome spinach and hi to my super duper babes in arms, day 5 and the mist is clearing, tonight will be a struggle but early morning dance classes (not for me) will prevent me drinking, 3 year olds tap dancing at 9.30 am with a hangover not a good thought xxx

Good lord babyjane, that would be enough to deter anyone

bads

baby ooh dance classes! I'd love to do that- hang on,it's your dd who will be dancing won't it? I'm slow today.

spinach yes, I totally get what you say and the reason I asked is that I went through a very similiar experience. I really hope that you don't mind my asking,ttc is not a very easy place to be.
I've always loved a little drinky ,ahem,but after a year of ttc I started the dr and tests route. I was very concerned that my drinking had prevented conception and you can probably guess the guilt and anxiety that caused because you might be going through some of that yourself.

What I really wanted to say is that after proper investigation the dr found that I have a condition which prevented me from conceiving and my drinking,stressfull job,anxiety,small addiction to coffee and chocolate had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do being able to conceive. Try to separate the two things in your mind.

I have no advice about wether you should go to the dr or what to say but please don't begin to link an unhealthy relationship with drink to 'deserving' a baby. Of course you 'deserve' a baby!!!!! I really get what you are going through and you'll find loads of good advice and help on this bus.

best wishes for a new start beating ww. My 'undeserved' baby is now 4 and charging around upstairs probably breaking stuff

Oh God, thanks guggenheim. You have no idea (actually, probably every idea ) how much that means. I'm glad you asked.

I have totally been merging the two issues. The whole baby thing has got sucked into the booze vortex. I get panicky and low, and suddenly - it's my fault, I'm a bad person.

I'm so happy it turned out well for you. It's really helpful to hear from someone who's been there and come through it.

phew! I was a bit scared that I'd overstepped the mark. Very glad that you know what I mean. x
booze vortex- good description

As if anyone on here ever oversteps the mark!
Right, I have been off work and bedridden for two and a half days now. Unheard of.
I'm hungry, cold,ratty and miserable.
Whatcha all up to?

I'm miserable ma because I've broken up for half term but am still on my diet so I can't celebrate Big Vals day or First Day of Hols day.

Bah!

D'argh!

And ds is making him and dd pizza.

Double d'argh!!

Great will power faire
I want to eat the entire contents of the kitchen and probably will but there is no bread,no crisps and nothing remotely tempting.
D'argh indeed.

Lovely dh has just brought me a glass of what I call 'no real' ma. It's a non-alkie bubbly that I forget I had put away in the garage.

And he's making me dinner so I feel a bit more pampered now. Fish, rice and salad which is a bit boring but he picked up some low fat salad cheese so that I can have a cheese course too.

Things is looking up