The Brave Babes Battle Bus - A New Year, A New YOU!

[Mouseface]

New Year Resolutions Anyone?

Welcome one and all, I'm Mouse, nice to meet YOU. :)

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, it's all up to you.

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's in YOUR hands.

Whatever your goal, you'll find unconditional support here. Always.

There will be talk of drinking quite often and those who fall off the Bus will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY threads would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers, but EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE :)

There are no hard and fast rules, other than the support here is unconditional, it may be in the form of tough love at times, but it's always meant with the very best of intentions.

There are two sayings that we rather like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

For those of you who'd like some history, here is the very first thread and the reason that we're all here now. FIRST THREAD

And here is the lastest thread, which you can scroll back through to see the other JOURNEYS SO FAR

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, it is honest and it will help you to achieve what it is that you seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

See you soon. x

rural thanks, my solicitor thinks its best to get one she says that hes just using me as a punch bag and it has to stop.

beaches I feel like I'm trapped because as soon as SS confirm how bad it is they will take my dc this has been like this as they know it sinse 2011

I have to tread carefully we have another meeting soon.

One good thing is they say my dc are well cared for in every other way but are at harm emotionally

They know my dd is guarded shes hiding what she knows x

Afternoon all, and thanks for the birthday messages

Big hugs to all. Well done to all babes staying on the straight and narrow, and holding hands with us who've had a little break from sobriety.

Had a relaxing day yesterday, and lovely meal. Had a few, though we were in the hotel room by 10.30pm (Too old for the nightclubbing lark, old gimmers that we are )so at least we stopped at a sensible-ish time. Coming down with a rotten cold now, I think the WW has robbed the nutrients from my body as I slept. Never felt this bad in ages

Slap - I'm sure I did glimpse a post saying AF Koppaberg tastes like the real stuff. How interesting...(wonders off stroking chin)
I'm-Happy to hear you've got a solicitor now xxxx

Waves to all babes, will catch up tomorrow xxxxx

A-tishoo

Hi baby are you ok?
Way too many of you fabulous babes to name check,just haven't "seen" baby for a while
Things bad with dad, dementia is a fucker. Making me confront a lot of very unpleasant stuff from my childhood thanks to him, versus the need of a human to care for a another human.
Am drinking but gearing up for Monday for the second half of dry January and low carb boot camp. Just a bit.......discombobulated. D'argh!

I am on the AF Kopparberg again which means I don't feel isolated from the weekend rituals :)
I was up absurdly early this morning as I slept for too long on Friday so couldn't get back to sleep when I woke up for a pee at 3am
On the plus side I have got soooo much done, I am amazed at myself! Off to bed in a bit as I have a 5am start tomorrow which will be so much easier without a hangover will also prevent me throttling DS who has been presented with a jigsaw to get him off the iPad and is moaning bitterly and fluently about the whole affair
All the best to all you lovely babes :)

Hi Im you say as soon as SS confirm how bad it is.... do you think getting the order will confirm it? I am so nervous of suggesting something which may not be right in your circumstances but I can't help thinking that it is more likely to demonstrate that you trying to protect your dc. You definitely do not deserve to be anyone's punchbag, ever. Xx

Sorry not to nc anyone else, encouragement to anyone struggling, I love reading every single post. Take care brave babes.

Helo Babes babyj faire ma mouse beaches and everyone else. Hope you're all doing okay and staying strong.

Day 18! Fantastic, isn't it?!

Last night at 11pm, my boss sent me a text accusing me of forgetting to do something . If there had been any alcohol in the house, I'd have opened it there and then (even though I was actually just about to go to bed)

If it hadn't been Dry January, I'd have planned to buy more wine for tonight, and despite having got over my annoyance this morning, would have stuck to the plan just because of the trigger. Even though I was no longer as angry, I wouldn't have been able to back down.

And I'd have spent the whole day looking forward to drinking it, and immediately disappointed that I couldn't have "enough". It's so much better this way

Im- you have done everything you can to protect your children. Police reports, non-molestation orders etc. It is not your fault that the law does not allow you to change the locks. That is property and occupancy laws protecting the abuser. You have sought alternative housing, hampered in your decisions by financial limitations and educational obligations to the children. Your solicitor will be all over this. She will be able to properly defend your corner. If your eldest DD does spill the beans regarding the extent of his abuse - there is nothing you can do. You have tried to protect her, but she is also a victim and entitled to her voice.
SS will not remove your children as you have a proven, paper trail of trying to protect yourself and your children. This is why solicitors are needed at this point. They articulate and formulate your side so that SS must use only very clearly written law in dealing with you.

Keep repeating: "HE IS THE ABUSER. I AM THE VICTIM. I NEED YOUR HELP. I WILL MOVE ON AND THRIVE WITHOUT HIM".

Every morning, as I drag my weary ass out of bed, put the kettle on and try to remember that there is nothing you cannot endure for the things you want; no pain or discomfort I will not overcome; no mess too big I won't unravel it and no asshole so powerful I will not slay them.

joey well done you the triggers always trip me up. Day 18 is bl**dy brilliant, go you .
Im Hope you follow your solicitors advice. If you can stop the dv and either get out of that house with DC'S or at least keep him out, your dc's will not be subject to emotional harm anymore and that will help your case. No expert but have been involved in this area through work sometime ago. Whatever the dc's have witnessed in my opinion putting a stop to it now and showing them you are capable of protecting them in the future should help in keeping the dc's with you. This is only my opinion but whatever you do please follow your solicitors advice.
Take care xx

Why cross posted with you. Your post to Im is absolutely spot on.
Brilliant in fact. Really hope things are getting better for you. You are an inspiration

Im - I have to go to bed, will come back to you tomorrow now I've caught up here.

Why - and hugs a plenty to you sweetie. You're a survivor. Thank God xxx

Sorry not to NC you all, been a busy but lovely day. Night all.

Mousey xxx

Day 6 done.
Goodnight babes xx

Evening all.
Had the odd thought about having just the one in the last few days but they've passed relatively painlessly and I am enjoying ticking off each day in my diary.
Have been eating a lot more though so need to tackle that next.
Big hugs to those that need them. So many people with so much going on that it's hard to keep track.
Day 22. Done :)

Thanks why and beaches would be so lonely without all your help on here x
And thanks for your great advice its hard to see a way when your stuck in a bad situation

Im none of us want you to feel lonely babe, you are trying to sort out a messy situation and find a place where you and the children can feel safe. We really want that for you too. Stay here, keep posting and reading all the support and suggestions. Xxxx

Good morning to all the other babes too

For the DJB's that is weekend 3 done! Weekend 3! (And of course looks worse than ridiculous)

Actually last night was a close call, having blown the diet with pizza and chocolate and feeling annoyed with myself, dh poured a large glass of red because it is Saturday, just tonight because no need to get up in the morning, will not be drinking for rest of week etc and I thought "and me" . But I thought of the bus, the fact that I was 18 days in and made another bloody cup of tea instead. Do I regret it this morning? Hell no!!!

onboard. How did you get on last night? Did you manage to keep to your target amount? To date, I have not been very good at moderating once I start. Hope it is working for you though.

Spanna how are you lovely? Hope spaniel ears is not trying her Sunday tactics. Xx

Love to all and hope you are having a lovely lazy and peaceful Sunday.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Well done Beaches for slapping the WW round the chops with a bloody good thwack! 18 days down the toilet - literally - is just not worth it! You've come sooooooooooooooooooo far, look at each day, look at the times you wobbled and then said 'bugger off' to the wrinkled old bat (the WW, not anyone you know!)

Slap - I have got some Kopparberg AF pear cider for later if I fancy a drink, which I do sometimes on a Sunday afternoon.... chilling with a DVD with my boy so I thought I'd try that. I saw they do a fruit one, red fruits was it? They didn't have that one, just the pear. I shall report back!

Thank you posting about it :) x

Thanks Mouse I definitely feel better for not drinking and keeping my 'run' intact and for resisting the wrinkly, saggy titted old witch. . What sot of films does little Nemo like? I wish mine still loved all the Pixar stuff, I think finding Nemo is my favourite child's film ever! But then, I also know Cars off by heart...

Only read the last couple of posts sorry, as its a crazy day today. But well done for resisting temptation beaches, that's fantastic! Especially with dh drinking! Hope you enjoy your af koppenberg mouse.
Hugs to im. Well done to everyone - trying and thinking about cutting down/being dry is a huge step.

I only had one glass of wine last night (target was 2 max) so I'm pretty pleased with that! I had it while cooking dinner, then dozed off while putting ds to bed! Woke at 9pm and came down to watch a film with dh, vaguely thought about having the other glass but then thought I didn't need it so had a decaf coffee instead! So glad I didn't have it today :)

Target for today would be two glasses max again, then af all week until next weekend. See how I get on but first hurdle done. That means I've only drunk 2 units since last Sunday, a massive reduction for me!

beaches - he loves animated films, but also Evan Almighty because of all of the animals in it and Noah and The Ark is one of his favourite stories ever!

He watched UP! for the first time when it was on and loved it, we have most Disney -Pixar films, he loves Despicable Me and the Minions, who doesn't? I want to be a Minion!

He loves Wallace & Gromit too and we have all of their films, Flushed Away is another fave. We could watch the same film again and again and again...... Charlotte's Web and Babe are two other favourites because of the animals, Cats & Dogs..... anything that is funny too, so Elf, Arthur Christmas, Wall-E, where there is a bit of slapstick comedy! He has a wicked sense of humour.

He is ace, my little Nemo :)

My pain levels are sky high today and poor DH is getting increasingly pissed off that I have to live like this.

I had my crutch with me yesterday when I went out shopping, I only went to a few shops, in close proximity to one another and got my nails done for the first time ever in Shellac - I'm no longer a Shellac virgin, but I'm a convert, goodbye acrylics! Goodbye split, flakey, thin nails! :)

Anyway, lots of morphine and rest today, I've got to be selfish and take time off, hence the chilling out afternoon.

Hi babes. Day 15 here. Have had a good few wobbles in the last couple of days but DJ is seeing me through, and the thought of feeling proud of all of us when I post to you all.

Why - loved your wise and wonderful post to I'm. You are fantastic.

I'm - I have not been in exactly your situation, but am trapped in an awful marriage myself (though not what you are going through) and understand the feelings of being trapped and lonely, especially without any close family apart from the DCs who of course need protection themselves. I think you are wonderful coping with what you do and everyone here cares about you - you have amazing friends in Beaches, Mouse, Why and the team of babes. Stay strong lovely, there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

I am applying for a job online today and keep getting distracted. The not so D H is out thank god, we have just had another massive row, I have been crying but not reached for a bottle, despite having vodka open. I really want to but I'm not. Cooking a roast dinner for the DCs and helping with homework in between staring at a screen and posting on here.

One reason I want to drink is that I know I have to do something about my difficult situation but I am scared of the upheaval with no support and with my crazily stressed job which is an issue in itself, but as sole breadwinner cannot afford time out. If I drank I could slip back into inertia. but ffs I am 46, how much longer can I leave it. I should have found the courage to act after my mum died 9 years ago, but I was so paralysed with grief and shock and the dcs were so young - and now I am old and thinking this hostile uneasy truce punctuated by dh's bad temper and rows is not what I need even though I can't do everything I have to do on my own and even though I never thought I would end up spending the rest of my life alone - but I never thought my marriage would be so lonely and miserable either.

I am planning my course of action and it is terrifying, especially as I have nobody in RL to support me (plenty of friends, but not any hope of someone around to help pull me out of this)

Spanna, Soc, Joey, Rural, Baby, Ma, Isinde MrF and all - hope you are all ok today ladies

Beaches - I remember the Fun Boy 3. Rubbish first album, fab 2nd album, then the Colourfield (remember 'Thinking of You' and 'Tunnel of Love'? Then the collaboration with Jane Wiedlin from the Go-Go's with 'Rush Hour'?) All my friends liked Simon le Bon or John Taylor and didn't get my obsession with the morose guy with funny hair. And now neither do I, the H (from now on known as 'twunt') is the most morose, selfish, self-entitled b*stard in the world, only here because living with me is easier than getting a job cos he has no money to move out. I am finally waking up to my own shocking taste .

Right, off to fish dd out of the bath and wrap her in a fluffy dressing gown in front of the tv. She is complaining of tummy ache today, I think she just needs cuddles. She caught me crying today and made me a cup of tea. I felt bad being comforted by a child. She is 10. I don't want this to be her reality.

Love to all babes struggling, all babes doing well and all babes scoffing the opal fruits at the back. Can we take Gerald to a drive in and watch a funny film tonight gang, I need cheering up!!!!

Love from Hope (the ironically monikered!)

Oh Mouse crossed post. Nemo has ace taste in films, they are a few of my favourites. Does he like The Incredibles? That is a wicked, amazing film - and Monsters Inc? Bring him on board, let's take Gerald to a Pixar special at the drive in. Salted popcorn for me please

Im - How are things today?

Great advice from the fantastic Why - she's spot on. Write that line down on a piece of paper, in VERY BIG LETTERS.

Put it somewhere that you can read it when you need to, inside a shoe or somewhere he won't go. Then every time that you wobble, READ IT!

When is your next meeting? Have they said? I hope your solicitor gets things moving fast for you so that you and the DC are as safe as they can be.

Is the Non Molestation Order in place yet?

When you said this -

I feel like I'm trapped because as soon as SS confirm how bad it is they will take my dc this has been like this as they know it sinse 2011

I have to tread carefully we have another meeting soon.

One good thing is they say my dc are well cared for in every other way but are at harm emotionally

They know my dd is guarded shes hiding what she knows x

That is so sad! Bless her heart

Is your DD scared of going into care or of something else? Is she scared DH/P will hurt you if she says anything?

It's all such a mess of emotions and not knowing what to do.

You need to be honest though, as tough as that will be, to protect your children, to protect yourself, this has all got to stop.

2011 is a long time. What has been going on since then?

Are the DCs on the Child Protection Register now? They need to be, he has to be shown for what he is and you have to get out of there.

You can't change the locks as Why has said if the house is in his name or jointly owned (look at that link I sent you up thread about the Survival Guide from WA, the part about An Occupation Order) because he has as much right to be there as you if it's jointly owned/rented and you've BOTH been paying the bills, also, if it's HIS house, you have NO LEGAL RIGHTS to shut him out.

I know that's utterly shit.

What do you plan to do next? Stay in the house with him or go?

Remember, he may well start being super nice to you, to try and look like the victim, the good guy, the better person..... BE CAREFUL.

Don't let your guard down, not for a second. You must be exhausted.

Did you get in contact with Shelter at all or speak to your solicitor about living away from him?

Sorry for the questions, I'm just trying to help you and to understand what's going on if this has been in the hands of SS since 2011....

I hope you are safe today.

Well done cat, first hurdle navigated very successfully.

Ah, you have reminded me of so many films there Mouse, another one I thought of is Stuart Little . It sounds like a winner for a smiley little animal lover! Hope the rest today helps, must be dreadful dealing with constant level of pain .

hope first - you are not old, you are however strong and warm. Your dd sounds like a real sweetheart and a credit to you. I am sorry you are in a crappy partnership and it does sound like he drains all the joy out of everything for you. Little steps will lead you into a better future, good luck with the job application and ignore the vodka, you ARE on your way. Xx

Darn, cross posted.

Kind words Mouse

Nemo would love Stuart Little! Good call actually, I'll have to see if I can find it....

Yes, he likes Monsters Inc and The Incredibles Hope, and also ALL Ice Age Films. He loves 3, with Rudy and Buck! "Always listen to Buck!"

He's not great at the moment so it may be an Ice Age marathon! Full of a runny nose and in need of some snuggles! As am I.

I need more meds, back in a bit.