The Brave Babes Battle Bus - A New Year, A New YOU!

[Mouseface]

New Year Resolutions Anyone?

Welcome one and all, I'm Mouse, nice to meet YOU. :)

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, it's all up to you.

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's in YOUR hands.

Whatever your goal, you'll find unconditional support here. Always.

There will be talk of drinking quite often and those who fall off the Bus will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY threads would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers, but EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE :)

There are no hard and fast rules, other than the support here is unconditional, it may be in the form of tough love at times, but it's always meant with the very best of intentions.

There are two sayings that we rather like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

For those of you who'd like some history, here is the very first thread and the reason that we're all here now. FIRST THREAD

And here is the lastest thread, which you can scroll back through to see the other JOURNEYS SO FAR

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, it is honest and it will help you to achieve what it is that you seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

See you soon. x

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Im - great news that you have a solicitor and a non molestation order in place, how long is that for?

Are you still living together or has he/you left?

Have a read of THIS SECTION HERE as this was a really good source of help for me when I was with my abuser.

You need to get as much protection as you can.

Did you so what I and others suggested? Posting about this in the Legal section in here? There will be lots of people who have been through similar situations as you who can give you realistic advice from their own experiences on time scales etc.

Just because he has a non molestation order slapped on him, doesn't mean he can abuse you MENTALLY

I really do think that you are not going to be safe until he is away from you and the DC.

What has your solicitor said?

Thank you for posting, I was worrying about you. Keep going, get as much support as you can, do as much as you can to keep calm too.

YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! Please remember that. YOU are the victim and the children are casualties of that, which again is NOT YOUR FAULT!

Please, if he even looks at you sideways, call the police 999 and get away from him.

He may try to be very nice to you now, he may also start to make you think that things weren't all that bad after all, remind you of good times gone by, remind you of happy events, tell you he loves you etc, be gentle to you, pay you compliments and offer to take you out......

Be careful. Stay safe sweetheart xxx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ITSTHEONLYWAY* I hope that you are okay and not stressing too much about the drinking! :) x

baby - was it your DD with a giganormous egg on her head? How is she? Poor wee thing, you must be shattered.

rural - lovely to see you :)

Ma - the more you stress about the falling off the Bus and getting back into old habits, the more you'll feel like hitting the FUCK IT button.... as faire said (I think) you HAVE done this before so why can't you do it again? There's no reason! So Mrs, get yer Big Girl Pants on and pull em up!

You can do it Ma, either do it when you are ready instead of putting so much pressure on yourself or make a firm and definite plan and stick to it, get rid of the booze, get soft drinks in, you know how this goes :) xxx

I'll pop back later, got to get some paperwork done and in the post! Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooring!

So many posts to catch up on, I can't nc them all, because I'm in between an appointment and dinner out - I will be driving, so no danger of falling off the bus!

Im, I know life is still tough for you, but you sound as though you are really, really being strong and no one can possibly doubt that with you is the best place for your DC. You are brilliant, keep it up,

Spanna the flat sounds idyllic, and Socfish, you can do it, you know you can

There seems to be lots positivity about the thread today, so Ma perhaps we can lend you some to make sure those big girl pants don't fall down

Ooh, I hit post too soon, I meant to say that the loveliest thing happened today. An old student came to see us (outing myself as an academic here) and said we (me and three other lecturers) had changed his life, because he came from a tough background and a really rough area, but now he has a dream job and wanted to come back in person to tell us and say thank you.

That will keep me going for the rest of the year, but of course, we didn't do it - he did.

Sorry for boasting but I couldn't keep it in.

Boast away sweet that sounds like a lovely thing to happen and to be instrumental in making someone's life better xx

Happy birthday to itsthe there are birthdays all over the shop this month!

Evening All

I'm really good to hear from you. I have also been thinking about you and worrying about you really glad you've got a solicitor onboard. That is great news - tell them everything - he/she is working for you, you are their client. Mouse and Rural have given wise advice

Beaches sorry that you were feeling low yesterday and so glad you're feeling better today (I really think that the moon effects us all) Are you going to be looking for any caches this weekend? (I can currently hear DD1 screeching at someone on Skype whilst playing Mindcraft she is so 'into' this world)

Day 17 for you that is awesome please hang in there babe, it really does seem easier now that the end of the month is nearing. Someone said to me today, so will you be drinking in Feb? my reply was 'I'm not sure yet'

Soc Babe you have been doing so well and you were away and had a 'blip'. Day 2 and you know you can keep going AF for the time being. The storm must have been such a relief compared to the dry heat you've been having I hope it's not turned into too much of a sauna today

Sweet moments like that make your job so much more worthwhile it was so nice of him to take the time to come and say it what a lovely young man.

It's Happy Birthday Babe I hope you are having a good one

STOP PRESS!!!***
AF Kopparberg actually tastes like the real stuff :)

Slap - where did you get that from? I love cider, ice cold, chock full of ice, job done if it's AF too!!

Happy Birthday Its
sweet so nice to be appreciated and play a part in making someones life better. Lovely of the former student to thank you personally too.
spanna flat sounds wonderful so
mouse nice to see you too. You always have time for a babe in distress. Hope you are looking after yourself my furry friendxx
slap thanks for the heads up. .First task for me tomorrow to buy AF kopparberg

Off to bed now Babes

Out early in the morning, Nemo has a party at 10.30 so I get 2+ hours to hobble around town with my crutch and armed with Christmas and Birthday pennies and see what the Sales hold :)

Mind you, I can't go mad, shopping one handed is no fun really, especially when it's busy. Mind you, the crutch does come in handy for 'moving' people out of my way.

Stay safe lovelies xxx

Day 5 done, not getting any easier. Really thought WW was going to win.

Goodnight all xx

Rural WELL DONE

Spanna no caches this weekend but treasure hunting for some bargains at the recycling stores . Mindcraft is an obsession here too, servers, skins, pvp's and teleporting - I am even learning the lingo! It's funny about the drinking in February question, I sometimes think I can't wait but then I realise how much I am enjoying not having so much angst about it all and wonder why I would want that back.

Mouse I hope you find something nice to buy tomorrow - perhaps the other shoppers be warned you will be armed and dangerous

slap success!!! Glad you found a decent drink

Yes, I was a bit sceptical after the AF Becks debacle
I got it in Sainsburys which I only ventured into as a further distraction, rather than spending 10 minutes ordering online from Waitrose to be delivered after the ritual Sunday pub visit
I had mixed berries though they did have pear as well. Best of all it was on offer and only £1 a bottle :)
I cannot deny that it would have been better had I been sat outside in the sun quaffing it rather than holed up indoors by the fire but nevertheless..... :o

Morning All.

Hi everyone
Sorry I'm not offering advice support ATM feel bad just posting my worries I will be back in full swing one day

I'm not coping to well I'm doubting if I should get the non mol, I'm scared of what he will do, mouse I have pm you.

He's not living here now no he still has a key I don't have money to change the locks I rang the housing lady Thursday and Friday and left messages no reply as she said they could fund the lock change.

Want this to all go away I'm worried to post to much x

Don't want it to happen again I'm panicking and dyeing inside, drank last night need a slap to sort me out

YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT NEED A SLAP Im, you need hugs and support, because what you are going through is emotionally and physically draining.

You don't need to feel bad that you are not being supportive here, your dc need you to focus on you and them. You drank last night, but that doesn't mean that you will drink today, you know that drinking will not help, but please don't beat yourself up about it.

Take care x

Hi Babes

I’m on a sober run and feeling great. God what a difference to two days ago. Makes me even more determined that I want this sober life and not that drunk hungover one filled with stress and anxiety and where nothing, absolutely nothing, goes my way. When I’m sober, I reckon miracles happen.

I’m I feel so sorry for you and have no idea what to say. Please look after yourself. Stay strong and we’re always here for you. x

Hello sweet. What a nice thing your student did.

beaches you’re never patronizing. I love your posts.

mouse lovely to have you back and posting. X

It’s happy birthday belatedly.

spanna thanks. The weather has been so hot, but quite nice. My next challenge will be over soon and then I will have no more excuses!

rural well done. Day 5 sucks.

Hello isinde and ma and all the others purple sorry have forgotten others and can't scroll that far up....

Well done for all babes doing so well in DJ and everyone for just being here and continuing to try and try and try with whatever you’re aiming to achieve. I love that this bus is so non-judgemental and is just full of awesome, intelligent, supportive babes. You really are amazing.

I’m busy reading “The Sober Revolution” and “Kick the Drink – Easily” again. I’m also reading Louise Hay – nice stuff. I’m not really new-agey (is that what you’d describe it?) but it seems to be helping with staying focused and mindfulness really helps me stay in the moment and not stress about not drinking later/tomorrow etc. If I can sort my head out (ha ha ha ha) I’m hoping that abstaining will become easier. Isn’t that kind of what AA is about? Truly understanding yourself and your drinking and the mind games that you play. Anyway, all this reading is wonderful because it’s another thing I don’t do when I’m pissed. Also reading Jo Nesbot – nothing like gruesome murder to get you through a dull evening.

Good Night from a Sober Soc on a Saturday Night. xx

Rubbish, so much for moderated drinking last night - I drank 3 times what I'd planned and then read the cheery news in the nhs drinks tracker that I've probably already damaged my health.

But I did mon-thursday alcohol free - so just need a bit more self control come the weekend!

I'm - have you thought about calling refuge? they have a free 24 hour helpline with trained people that have experience of DV - if you want someone to listen and reassure you in RL they are there to help 0808 2000 247.

Hi guys, spanna fabulous news about your new home, sounds stunning and I hope you'll be very happy there. Sorry for the birthdays I've missed, been having a really tough time with my tummy so full if tramadol and self pity!! Dh and I had a massive massive argument the other day just before he went away to work for a few days. I'm trying desparately hard to be the best wife and mother I can and I know I have a lot to make up for but my dh works very hard at his job but when at home he does very little in terms of DIY, jobs about the house, taking our girls out or taking me out. I don't know if he has had to detach from me as my post natal depression made me an angry quite crazy person who drank for solace and maybe to protect himself he shut down but he seems to resent me a great deal and some horrible stuff tumbled our before he left. In return I was also quite hurtful but it hurts me seeing all the dads in the village out with their kids and I think really deep down he thinks this is womens work. He spent little time with his dad growing up although he was at home so
I'm not sure he has the right perception of how family life can be.. Anyway after what he said to me which was extremely hurtful I'm not sure how to move forward, In sobriety I think his "ways" may have contributed to my breakdown, I'm an only child brought up surrounded in love from both parents. I'm burning myself out doing all the mum AND dad stuff and am beginning to realise that maybe too much water has gone under the bridge!! Sorry for rambling but I have a feeling everything's about to change and I'm scared even though it might be the thing for both of us, what to do?? Xxx

Afternoon all, had a few busy days at work so I've not had a chance to read back properly yet. On day 18, it's years since I've not drank for so long. DJ has been easier than any other af attempts which perversely makes me think 'it's not been that hard, it's not big deal, so I can have a drink' On the other hand I'm worried about how I'll drink come february (if I make it that far) I would hate to start binging, typically I don't but I can see how it would be easy to....

As I get further away from the wine I think I'm discovering my triggers - driving home from work late at night, coming home to chaos, H being home all day yet the house being a tip - then there is the urge to have a drink and swallow down the tiredness and anger :(

On a brighter note I booked the dds into dance classes this morning. it's amazing how ingrained it has been for me not to make plans for a saturday morning as friday night was a 'drink' night. I read soc's post about changing routines to break habits and it made alot of sense. Even when I've not been drinking I've still been leaving saturday 'free' so it's time to change that :)

Im Hoping you get the non molestation order. I believe it is really important with what is happening at the moment. If your solicitor says to do it then he thinks so too. Would be better if you could move but this step at least shows you are going to protect DC's. Sure mouse will give you good advice via PM. Maybe ask what others experience is on legal.
Thinking of you, stay strong xx

Im I was thinking just what rural wrote. It sounds like a rock and a hard place and that while getting the non molestation order risks your immediate safety, not getting it may be used against you. I am so sorry you are in this dreadful position honey. Please listen to your solicitor. Sending strength and support. Xxx

annie I too have started my dd into dancing, it's a 9.30 start on sat morning but it's lovely to see her with her wee tutu and pink wraparound cardigan, then we cross the road and have coffee/apple juice and cake and have a chat (my 3 yr old dd never stops talking from opening her eyes) . It's a little ritual just for us and when we get home older dd still sound asleep and it's still early on a Saturday with the whole day ahead to enjoy. Hope you enjoy it too xxx

Mine is also a 9.30 start baby. I was a bit like 'oh there goes my saturday morning lie in' but really if I don't drink the night before I don't need a lie in! As it happened I was awake by seven and it was nice to get an early start on the day rather than slowly pulling myself around and getting frustrated by how much I have to do. I'm really trying to hold onto all the positives of being sober, they have to outweigh that initial blurred around the edge feeling of a glass of wine xx