Have you ever cheated on DP?

[MamaPingu]

I hope this is ok to ask, I end up wondering about things to myself then end up quizzing MNers about it

So if it's ok..
How did it happen?
Did you know the person you cheated with?
Does DP know?

No.

No. Never would.

I haven't either before we begin!
I just feel like I constantly see posts about men cheating, but I've then seen people say women cheat just as much but hide it better etc.
But I never really hear of the woman cheating. Intact I don't know any women who have but plenty of men who have!

Not on DP or ex before. But in my teens and early 20s I was a bit of a knob.

Lots before we got serious. Nothing in past 5 years since engagement, marriage, mortgage and 2 gorgeous babies. Wouldn't ever risk it but at the beginning I honestly didn't think we would end up this way and I was young n a student in manchesta!

Yes.
With ex boyfriend. Drunk but no excuse.
He knows. It was early on in our relationship, I like to think of it more of an overlap!

How soon did you tell them?

I didn't, WTF people do I don't know

I've often wondered about this too.

We read on an incredibly regular basis about hubby's and ow, yet there's very few women who admit to being the ow. So, are those ow, just very, very busy servicing all these men? Or aren't some people telling the whole truth?

Here's something saying women are cheating more;
hellobeautiful.com/2013/09/27/study-shows-women-cheat-more-than-men/

Here's something else that interested me, several surveys show men have twice as many partners as women.... or do they?
www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/mathematical-proof-that-media-sexist-bad-at-math/

Seems like more investigation is needed.

Not with my DP now. I never would. I did once cheat on an ex when much younger - I would have been 18. I knew what I was doing at the time and made a conscious decision to do it. The guy I was dating I'd only been seeing for about 2 weeks, I still had very strong feelings for my ex, who was the person I cheated with.

I don't regret it. It taught me not to get into a relationship when I was not over somebody else, or to settle. I hope the guy wasn't too hurt by it, although I later found out he was shagging someone else anyway so perhaps not. I told him the next time I saw him because I hate keeping secrets. We didn't last much longer which was probably for the best.

There's no way I'd do it now because I know DP would be devastated by it and I care too much about him, plus it would break everything between us.

Yes.

With my ex, was drunk and stupid - no excuse. I was 21, been with him 4 years and had 2 DC. I felt so guilty I told him, we tried to make it work but we ended up splitting, which I'm sure we would of done anyway but still wish I hadn't of done it.

Having checked out the articles I'm quite convinced that women understate. I'm a guy and have had had three little flings with married women where we knew exactly what was going on. I've also been hit on by four other women who made their intentions known though we failed to get it on for one reason or another. This is all without any particular effort on my part I've just been happy to take what has come my way.

Make of it what you wish....

Flipsider- thanks for your post, although it kind of shouldn't it has made me feel kind of happier!

I always seem to get cheated on or ditched for someone else and was wondering if I should be single for life instead of thinking I'm happy then finding out I was wrong to be!

I don't think you'll get much of a response to this. The trouble with MN is that people have cultivated OL identities on here and it's still a community of sorts. While it's safer than discussing it IRL and people can of course name change, I think many posters will still be reluctant to admit to it on here.

I'm not at all convinced that life-long monogamy is the natural state for humanity, but even while accepting it is a cultural invention, I still condemn cheating. It is up to every individual to decide whether or not they want to be monogamous. If you agree to be in a monogamous relationship you should be honour your promise or if you find yourself in a situation where you feel you can no longer do that, you should break your 'contract' in as kind and respectful a manner as possible (i.e. not lying, manipulating and leaving someone else high and dry).

All that said, I think most people don't really think about it until it's a bit too late. Most people have affairs because they haven't protected themselves in the event of having the opportunity to have one. Few people go out seeking affairs IMO.

The reason men seem to have had more affairs is IMO due to having more opportunity rather than anything linked to the Y chromosome. Culturally, up until very recently women in relationships would find themselves much more in the company of other women rather than men and often with children in tow.

Also, fear of loss is a great motivator. For women, who are often the lower earners (if earning at all), the loss of financial security has a way of concentrating the mind on the vows of monogamy much more, or certainly to the extent of being more discreet if cheating. For men, until very recently they had nothing to lose even if caught. The law enshrined their rights over those of their wives even if the wife left because of her husband's cheating. That's now changed, but the effects are longer lasting.

I don't think either sex is more likely than the other to cheat. I think gender roles have a big influence, but that's quite different.

You're not really g

Sorry!

Your not really going to get many honest answers here. Lots of married women cheat, as do men. Lots of women currently having affairs will see the title but they're not going to post here. I least I wouldn't have thought so.

I've got lots to say on this matter but it's too late now so if you can bear with me I'll try to respond properly tomorrow evening.

K

I cheated on my ex dp, I suppose. We weren't exclusive but it felt dishonest and he was upset so I think it constitutes cheating. I was about 19? I think. Alcohol involved.

It was with a very good friend. I'd been seeing the new guy for a couple of months but it wasn't particularly serious. I went out and got very drunk with a group of friends. I don't remember the kiss but I kissed my friend. When I found out, I told (ex) dp.

As a result I stopped drinking and went NC with all of my friends, because the group dynamic (almost all men, with whom I had slightly odd boundaries) wasn't really conducive to having a trusting relationship with this new guy I'd fallen for. Plus they all hated one another. Probably was a sign of what a stupid idea the relationship was. I felt awful about it long after he'd forgiven me for it (probably found that easy as he was a serial cheat so I suppose his conscience would have found such double standards tricky).

I still think rather badly of myself for it but hopefully in time will learn to live with it. I cannot imagine how more serious stuff eats away at people. Especially if they're still in the relationship and the other person doesn't know!

No way.

Yes I have cheated in all my relationships except my marriage. I had dc with him and that felt sacred to me. He did not feel the same way and I found out later he had cheated on me from about 6 weeks after our wedding, during two pregnancies. He did not use protection. There were many, many other women.

Karma for my previous cheating? Probably. But now I couldn't care less about other people's relationships, if I don't know you personally and I were to meet a man I fancied I wouldn't care that he was married or committed. I don't want a real relationship anyway and never will again.

I think 95% of men will cheat given the opportunity and no risk of being found out. Even the most "devoted" of husbands. I have seen it a million times in the male dominated environments I have worked in. I am shown as single on FB and have had attempts at sexting and beginning an affairs on numerous occasions from married men I am "friends" with . I have actually had to threaten to tell wives to get them to piss off and leave me alone.

Given the opportunity the majority of your husbands WILL cheat. I am surprised by nothing I read on here. I don't actively pursue married men but I think marriage is false and unrealistic and one person in the "partnership" is getting the shit end of the stick. If you say "no not in my marriage" that's because it's not YOU!

So if I meet a married man and I fancy him, what will be will be but don't worry I don't want to take him away, he's all yours.

Yes, I cheated on my ex-husband, and was also the OW in a very brief fling I had with a lecturer in my 20s. I am not proud of either. Ex-husband never found out, but it was the beginning of the end of the relationship, from my point of view.

10 years into my relationship with DH and I don't feel like I will ever cheat on him. I think the hurt and devastation if he did find out would be too awful to contemplate.

It's not actally the cheating itself (i.e. the actual having sex with another person) which does the most irreparable damage to a relationship. It's the lying and cheating and gas-lighting and making the person who's being lied to think they're going crazy by suppressing their very real sense that something is Not Right, that does the most insidious damage.

I couldn't do that to DH.

I don't think he could do it to me either - our relationship is based on friendship, respect and like as well as love - but as Yourmarriageisnotmybusinesssays, nothing is out of the realms of possibility in life.

Yes, on two exes, both of whom had cheated on me every chance they got and were EA.

Not for revenge—in both cases I had another man as a sort of getaway car. I wanted to leave the relationships but didn't feel I could manage on my own.

Nope. My last ex cheated on me, though.

I truly hate life!
I a basically have the choice of staying with DP who hasn't been completely faithful so far.
Or be on my own really, I wouldn't mind if I was prone to cheating in my relationships but I'm as faithful as it gets

I think I'll just have to get a dog instead!