Have you ever cheated on DP?

[MamaPingu]

I hope this is ok to ask, I end up wondering about things to myself then end up quizzing MNers about it

So if it's ok..
How did it happen?
Did you know the person you cheated with?
Does DP know?

Been married 13 years, together 19. Would not go there even though I have had the opportunity. However, when we first met, I had been seeing someone fairly casually, and slept with him after I met DH, but before we were properly together...certainly wasn't sleeping with them both at the same time. I don't think that really counts as cheeting. DH doesn't know about the overlap, but he does know the man concerned and that I went out with him - in fact he invited him round for lunch recently with his family. That was an interesting experience.

cheating

No, never had never would

Also meant to say that my SIL has been cheating on her H...as far as I know just the one affair in the marriage. It is a long story...bloke at work...and they are getting divorced. She has behaved appallingly, but there is a tiny bit of me that "admires" the fact that she found the time to do it. That is ironic before I get flamed.

"We were on a break!"

Also I couldn't actually be bothered too

I agree with the poster(s) above who said you will get very few people admitting it, even on an anonymous forum.

If you had asked this question a year ago, I would of posted a very similar response to the majority.

I have known my partner for a very long time and have always held my loyalty and honesty in very high esteem. Never once had I thought I would ever cheat on him.
However, last year, I had a very, very passionate kiss with a mutual friend of ours - completely unexpected and out of the blue. Of course, alcohol was the trigger. It totally changed my year.
Up to that point, sex with my husband had reduced to next to nothing ( after two lovely DD's ) and I actually thought I had lost all my desire and was beginning to accept that I had seen the last of my sex life ( as was my partner ). Since the incident however, I have reclaimed my sexual appetite and my partner has also been re-invigored. We have amazing sex and are both so much happier for it.

To be honest, and you can all slate me for this, I am so glad that I did what I did and have no regrets. You will not be surprised to hear that I have not and will not ever tell my husband - whilst I have cheated on him and have acted in the most disloyal fashion, I feel it was fate and am grateful that life is so much better now.

Have never cheated on a partner.

I actually think alcohol is the weakest excuse anyone ever gives for infidelity. If alcohol affects you to the extent that it makes you lose all your inhibitions, you shouldn't drink to that extent. I don't often drink a lot but on a couple of occasions I've had 5 or 6 pints over the course of an evening and I've never even made a pass at a woman.

"We were on a break!"

LOL.

Since you ask, OP, let me confess. I have cheated. I am deeply ashamed of having done this. I admit now that I was selfish and didn't think properly about the hurt it would cause.

It was twenty years ago, after getting married but before DCs. It was with a colleague, shortly after DH had taken a job in another country. I was reluctant to give up my job and follow him.

It was a classic workplace affair. It lasted three weeks in total but didn't included full sex. DH found out that something was going on but I didn't confess everything at the time.

Even so, he didn't and doesn't believe that there was not full sex. He has been consumed by this and it has seriously damaged our relationship.

I haven't cheated since and never would. He doesn't believe that either, despite three DCs, giving up my good job, moving countries and twenty years of dedication to family life on my part.

Donkeys - No need to apologise. I've started threads here before asking for advice about my situation, and receiving it. I've put a fair amount of it into action, with painful personal results. I don't want to hijack this thread about my issues, Netiquette and all that!

Quite a leap from living like a monk within an otherwise happy marriage to almost hoping she will be stimulated by an outsider

True, unless you put undue weight on sex providing emotional validation. It has taken a year or so to go from Monk to Cuckold-wannabe though.

I recently had a relationship outside my marriage which lasted 5 months from start of flirting to cutting contact.

It started with office banter, progressed to flirting, I thought he would back off, he didn't, I didn't, it became clear what we both wanted, I called his bluff, he kissed me - that's how it started.

Obviously from the above I did know him.

DH doesn't know. I have no intention of telling him. Could/would I lie if asked outright? I don't know, it would depend on the circumstances I suppose.

I never have. Ever. I am single at the mo but ut seems a tad unfair that some people have two people on the go.. I only want one!!!

Never been unfaithful, but then I haven't had many relationships.

Oh dear, that makes it sound like I might have had the opportunity arisen. No, I wouldn't.

Been with DH 20 yrs next month. First 8 months we saw each other EVERY DAY. Then I went to uni and we had a LDR for 4 years. He joined the RAF when I was in my second year.

I am confident that despite having done 4 tours of duty in the last 18 years, he also has always been faithful.

Kind of.

When I was married to my exH, DH and I had what I would now call an emotional affair. But at the time I'd never heard of such a thing and was caught up in an abusive relationship which I left because I realised I had feelings for DH. So thank heavens that happened!

So I left my ex but DH was also married so I ended the "friendship" and went travelling. DH left his ex and I said that once he had sorted himself out (moved out, got a flat, sorted custody), I'd move to his town so we could date. We spoke regularly but I had a fling with a friend during that period. I only confessed it 18mths into the relationship. DH wasn't bothered and said friend came to our wedding. Me and friend go out alone, DH trusts me.

So I'm generally of the mind that things are rarely clear cut.

I never have, but my three closest girlfriends all have, two of them many many times. One of them also has lots of experience of being the OW.
They are all ~33 and in ltr with 'the one' now and I don't think any of them have cheated, one might have once or twice, though I don't think they'd tell me now.
One views it as something she did when young and in clearly short term relts. The others I genuinely don't know why.
I'm pretty sure I never would, I've had some quite tempting offers over the last 10 years but always been very clear in my decision to stay faithful.
I am as close to 100% sure DP hasn't and wouldn't cheat as is humanly possible! However I think as we age and his wage increases and our bodies deteriorate, if he gets offers from hot young 25 yr olds it might be harder for him to say no. I think he'll always be faithful, but I guess I'm not naive enough to think we won't both have to make an effort for each other and make conscious decisions to remain faithful.

MN Relationships tends to be pretty vitriolic towards infidelity (esp towards the OW), so no surprises on the tenor of this thread, but there was a thread on AIBU or Chat fairly recently in a similar vein. A lot more of the MN OW posted there - can't recall it's title but you may want to search for it OP.

And statistically, quite a lot of the pure of heart posting here will go on to cheat in future.....things are rarely clear cut.

I'm 48 yo and 8 years divorced after a 20 year marriage to a man 15 years older than myself. This is very hard for me to write even after all this time but, I fell out of love with him and stopped fancying him. We have 2 DC. Through their school I met a (single) Dad whom I went completely, head-over-heels mad for. He and I had a very passionate affair for about 8 months. I wanted desperately for our affair to turn into a relationship, as did he, but I just couldn't live with myself for what I'd done. I confessed to it to my then Husband and I moved in briefly with new man, we'd make love and I'd cry myself to sleep through guilt and anxiety. Needless to say the 'affair' ended, then came the divorce. Which was very hard on the DC.

Things have settled now. I've my own place and met the man of my dreams since and DD's both love him too. However, I have to live with what I did all those years ago and I hate myself for doing what I did.

I did stray a good while ago, a year long affair. It wasn't the first, but definitely the longest. Then my partner found out and it was made plain to me; stay faithful or separate, and as I couldn't bear to lose any %age of contact with our child, I chose to stay and cease any extra cirricular activities :)

Talking at work recently, some of the girls went on their regular weekend city break. On Sunday morning all four of them woke up with me then weren't married to... one had had a threesome. They've been doing the 'girls only weekend away shopping' thing for years and the dh's are entirely ignorant.

Personally, I believe monogamy is a stupid, outdated, Victorian concept imposed upon us by society and that biologically we are not designed to stay with one partner for our entire reproductive years and that we are designed to stray, to search for better genes.

mrswarbuoys what you describe resonates with me. I am almost 48 and married to a man 6 years older than me who I am not 'in love' with romantically and I have stopped fancying. I've recently come out of a very passionate (aren't they all?) 5 month affair with a married now ex-colleague.

Though neither of us wanted the affair to become a legitimate relationship, it's still been very painful to be apart. It's made me question what I want and I can envisage not being with DH forever now.

My main fear is the effect on the DC if we were to spilt. I'm in a dilemma and all I am doing at the moment is not making any hasty decisions whilst I get the affair out of my system but I know I will need to decide one way or the other eventually.

Purple - same here, so for the kids the family unit will be sacrosanct and the perfect life will continue perfectly.

Until high school finishes, then we will reassess :)

I wonder like others have said whether you will get a true picture to this question. It's interesting to read that many people who have confessed then go on to justify the reason they did this.

My wife cheated on me, one real "in love" affair with a married man and I suspect at least two other flings. My mum also cheated on my dad and my cousin cheated on her husband. Maybe the cheating gene is strong in my family!

I also know that one of my friends wives cheated on him and that my current DW friend has cheated a number of times on her husband.

Clearly therefore it does go on and I suspect many people who have have Stayed away from this thread.

It's not all one sided of course. Some of my friends have cheated on their wives too, one with a prostitute and the rest while on lads trips etc where the risk of getting caught diminishes! Their wives are non the wiser.....

It's maybe more widespread than many people think!

I know loads of men who cheat. I know some women who cheat.
Amongst the cheaters, most of the men, on a night out, don't care who it is as long as they get someone by the end of the night. Some of them are married with children.
Of the women who cheat, I find most are motivated by finding someone they have some kind of connection with.
I know some people will say this is rubbish, and women are motivated by the physical too. Of course, some are.
But all I can do is go on my experience.
I can't give too much away about how I know all these people without outing myself but I struggle to trust my dh because of knowing what these other men are like, and then playing happy families when they are back with their wives.

I do agree with previous posters that its more widespread than people think, and also that maybe monogamy isn't 'natural' for us. Doesn't excuse it, though.