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Relationships

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Original poster

Have you ever cheated on DP?

114 replies

MamaPingu · 08/01/2014 22:37

I hope this is ok to ask, I end up wondering about things to myself then end up quizzing MNers about it

So if it's ok..
How did it happen?
Did you know the person you cheated with?
Does DP know?

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 09/01/2014 09:13

So the question wasn't purely idle curiosity then OP? :);)

I think you need a new thread. Even if 100s of us had come on and said yep, we all cheated, it wouldn't have helped your personal situation really, would it?

Pagwatch · 09/01/2014 09:17

Nope, never.
We've been together 26 years and I've never even kissed another man since.
In fairness I had an amazing time in my 20s. I was probably done

Original poster

MamaPingu · 09/01/2014 10:05

Not completely idle curiosity no!
I just wanted to see if women did actually do the same or not cause it'd make things feel a tiny bit less shitty!

I've started threads about it before and I'm kind of stuck in limbo. For me he hasn't down quite enough for me to kick off and leave him, but he's done enough to make me feel shit and question things

OP posts:

desperatelyseekingsolace · 09/01/2014 11:43

Not with "D"H (though have recently discovered he deserves it...

I cheated with a previous DP who I loved a lot, towards the end of our 3 year relationship when it was becoming increasingly clear that he was falling out of love with me. I 'fessed up to it shortly afterwards and hoped it would rekindle his affection for me. It had the opposite effect and after one fairly half-arsed attempt to get back together he binned me. I beat myself up over it for months but in retrospect it was probably the excuse he was waiting for.

I can't obviously rule out doing it again if I were in a hypothetical situation with one person and fell in love of a lifetime love with someone else. But as a general rule I don't think its worth it. I felt so shitty after cheating on my previous DP that it haunted me for years.

Maybe men are less affected by cheating than women, I don't know. For me it just breeds a deep feeling of self-loathing and low self respect in the cheater which is actually worse than in the cheatee.

LucyInTheSky78 · 09/01/2014 11:50

I get really angry at the excuse of 'that's just what men do, they can't help it.' I'm never going to buy that.
It think it totally depends on the individual person, nothing to do with gender.

When my husband finally admitted to me he had cheated on me with prostitutes, his reason was 'Men have a duality.'

F-* off! Arseholes have a duality! And I refuse to believe every man is an arsehole.

I've never cheated on anyone. I couldn't stand the guilt for one thing, but I just don't think I'm physically capable of being with someone else when I'm in love. And if I wasn't in love anymore, I'd leave before I'd start anything with anyone else.

I really don't understand people who cheat. It's something I'm struggling with for obvious reasons.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/01/2014 11:59

Considering the vitriol that some posters here give women who post about their affairs, you're not likely to get any kind of true picture here, OP.

Some good people cheat and some bad people never cheat. It's as varied as that. I think there are many, many more affairs going on than we ever hear about.

Crowler · 09/01/2014 12:09

Nope.

MajesticWhine · 09/01/2014 12:09

I will be honest. Yes, I have cheated. I had an affair with a guy I worked with. And yes DP does know about it. I confessed to it several years later after I discovered DPs affair. I forgave, he forgave, we got over it.

MorrisZapp · 09/01/2014 12:15

No but came bloody close a few times. Alcohol always involved.

Zalen · 09/01/2014 12:22

Not in 24 years of marriage, but before we got engaged then yes, twice, both one night stands, never told, don't feel particularly guilty not least because I'm absolutely convinced my Husband cheated on me years ago shortly after DS1 was born.

A couple of years ago I actually suggest to him that he should find someone else and then leave me for her, unfortunately he hasn't acted on that piece of advice yet!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/01/2014 12:54

I've two-timed boyfriends occasionally but never cheated on my (now) exH.... more's the pity. When I think of the chances I passed up to stay faithful to that moron!!!

DownstairsMixUp · 09/01/2014 12:57

I never have no. But isn't it well known that women tend to lie about the number of people they have been with (they say it's lower) whilst men say they have had more?

Keepithidden · 09/01/2014 13:23

(Male so not target audiecne, apologies)

Nope, never have. Don't know if I would, the opportunity has never arisen and I'm not going to go looking. Who can predict the future though?

I sometimes (often?) wish DW would, she needs to rediscover some passion in her life, not to mention a whole bunch of self confidence about herself (looks and mind). Not sure what the outcome for us would be though.

changeofplanshuh · 09/01/2014 13:42

Would never cheat on current partner. I love her so wouldn't want to and couldn't bring myself to, I feel no urge to do so, if I ever did feel the urge then I think that would be the end of our relationship.

isitnormal · 09/01/2014 13:51

I've cheated on previous partners, but since meeting my fiance it's blindingly obvious that the reason I cheated was because there was something lacking in the relationship.

I've never cheated on my fiance and couldn't conceive of ever being tempted - the thought of being with anyone else makes and betraying him makes me feel sick.

Lazyjaney · 09/01/2014 14:14

"Considering the vitriol that some posters here give women who post about their affairs, you're not likely to get any kind of true picture here, OP"

Statistically, most modern surveys show % are about equal (once sex biasses are accounted for), most find that between 1/3 and 2/5 of people will cheat.

I always take the vitriol with a pinch of salt for that reason

Hatpin · 09/01/2014 15:20

Yes I cheated on exH, after 15 years together, he found out after 3 weeks, we agreed to divorce, never looked back. OM didn't leave his W like he said he was intending to, they are still together, she never found out.

Can't imagine having either man in my life now.

Davegrohlsgirl · 09/01/2014 15:32

Yes, cheated on ex H with my now DH..
Shitty part of my life, no excuses, but worked out well for all of us.
( I can say that now after 17 years together and still being friends with ex H)
Wouldn't even think of doing it now.....unless John Malcovich turned up

BusWanker · 09/01/2014 15:34

No, I couldn't do it. We have had such great times together and hard times too it would make all of that seem pointless.
I appeciate everything he does for me and I don't want to hurt him.
His ex cheated on him lots so he took ages to trust me and I don't want to let him down.
I also know if he cheated on me I would finish our marriage. I can honestly say that's because of the threads I have read on here where the women are really strong and the other posters are helpful, its shown me if that did happen I could be fine.

NickysMam · 09/01/2014 15:36

I read somewhere that it's easier for a woman to cheat than it is for a man.

I think women cheat just as much as men do, but no one really talks about it. And even if they do, it's forgotten much quicker than if a man cheated.

livingzuid · 09/01/2014 16:03

Nope never. But it has come close with exes and I ended the relationships straight away as if I can feel that way about someone else then I shouldn't be in a relationship. with DH I have no interest in anyone but him and it's lovely to have that with the right person :) I am 100% confident he will never stray and have complete Trust in him. Never had that with a partner before.

My dad was a serial philanderer so it gave me a real distaste of affairs. To the point where if I knew friends were indulging I had to keep a distance otherwise I'd get all judgemental over something that didn't concern me. I'm more philosophical now I'm in my 30s.

Andy1964 · 09/01/2014 16:07

No, never, never would either, contrary to popular MN opinion ;) (please don't take that seriously)

OTOH I divorced my XW because she cheated.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/01/2014 16:07

So far no adultery that I know of? Very early on we agreed we'd stay faithful and opportunities have been there but honestly I felt that it would be the end of what we had. Life is complicated enough. DCs are grown now, I guess if I unconsciously thought mustn't rock the boat while they are still at home, that era is over. If DH were to tire of me I hope he'd have the guts to admit that to my face. I wouldn't scream at him for having taken the best years of my life because I was a willing participant and I haven't been sleepwalking.

keepithidden that sounds sad unless I have misread this in which case I beg your pardon. Is DW no longer physically interested in you? You do have some say in the matter. Isn't this like a ticking timebomb?

If you are content then of course that is fine. If you are frustrated and lonely is she aware or oblivious? Quite a leap from living like a monk within an otherwise happy marriage to almost hoping she will be stimulated by an outsider.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/01/2014 16:11

Apologies kih was thinking out loud, didn't mean to put you on the spot. I know life isn't always simple.

MistressDeeCee · 09/01/2014 16:43

No. Would never cheat on DP. I love him, and he is lovely. Even aside from that Im just too lazy...all that sneaking out, the effort in having to get dolled up to meet your lover etc would eat into my time too much. 1 man is enough to cope with, much less 2! . I was no saint in my younger days though

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