Total tosser!

[Oopsypoopsy]

I know this is one sided and very spontaneous but I finally feel I have been driven to ask opinions on my fiancé's behaviour.

Right we are the best of friends most of the time and get each other so well. Can't imagine a better person to spend my life with! The love is there both physically and mentally.

So my problem is that he can have a tendency to focus too much on the negative. He will literally point out everything I say to people that isn't perfect, everything I do that isn't perfect, for instance if I clean the whole house and miss one little thing he'll notice the one little thing and we have a big house! I get it, he's a perfectionist amd doesn't shy away from any housework, I'm a full time housewife and mum by the way. Well tonight he commented on my weight whilst I was eating a take away because I ate more than usual and asked if I was having a blowout before I start to try and get in to better shape on Monday. I'm a size 10 by the way and was a size 8 before 2 kids. The youngest is 3 months old.

Am I being sensitive? My problem is I can snap very quickly but I honestly think if I wasn't confronted about every imperfection in the first place I wouldn't have anything to react to. Obviously this is one sided but I never criticise him, maybe if I did start picking I'd be snapped at too!

Well I did say the poster would like as not hear from abusive men - and so it has come to pass.

These percentages are ridiculous anyway. No-one's able to accurately apportion behaviour in a relationship using math. But the only acceptable amount of abusive behaviour as described is...

NONE

I'm quite honestly stunned that you'd be prepared to marry someone like that. Utter utter madness. How can you have any respect for someone who resorts to hurling nasty insults at you in an argument? He quite obviously has no respect for you.

I would no more want to be in a relationship where I'm calling my partner a "dirty bastard" as he's calling me a "fat cow" capt.

Me neither, logg1e. I assumed from your post that you had a different approach?

T and Feather please how does it help the op by displayng your hatred of Men.

Oh i don't hate men. I just hate men who are abusive to partners and the type who tell the victims of that behaviour to put up with it. There do seem to be a lot of awful men posting on this site though. Fortunately I don't spend time with any men like that in real life! The men I spend time with are literate, intelligent, warm and actually LIKE women. I'd hate to think of some of these male posters being seen as standard-bearers for all men, because that's not my life experience of men at all, thank the lord.

just you on the trawl for a new girlfriend again ?

I think it best I advise you that insulting them is not the way to get them to like you

please T and F why some females advise to this op to work and be patient and others think there is no hope ?

So you would report it to HR.

The equivilant would be the OP seeking advice from Womens Aid.

After all justgivein if YOU wouldnt put up with it at work why should the OP put up with it at home.

Thing is, justgivein (interesting NN BTW) you wanted to learn from it, and change.

Not sure the OPs DP is even aware of a problem with his behaviour (as he does it to others in his family) or that he will want to change it if he did (why should he? He enjoys the power of lording it/criticising others. Why would be just drop his power?)

If he doesn't accept that throwing (completely unfounded, designed-to-hurt) insults at his 'loved one' is not acceptable, then there is no hope.

Justgivein that is the oddest argument for a woman staying with an abusive man that I have ever heard. May I suggest you seek some therapy to address your abusive childhood, because it sounds like you have processed it in a very strange way. And in the meantime reflect on your last post and what it says about your deep rooted beliefs about men, women and childhood.

Do not marry him. I made that mistake.Hope this sorted itself out. x