The Dating Thread 67

[MasterP0]

.......we are a busy bunch aren't we hahahaha!

New Thread Alert the other ones has reached maximum capacity!

HERE'S TO A FUN FILLED, LOVE FILLED & SEX FILLED 2014!!!!

Morning Burt. No- you have been honest.

People who are looking for more will more than likely rule you out and that will obviously reduce traffic but better that than you mislead people into thinking you want a relationship when you don't.

Potential matches will know exactly where they stand and you can be comfortable you have been up front with your intentions. Best way!

Burt it's better not to mislead people if you know you're not relationship ready, but
a) I think most people have learnt to take "looking for a relationship" with a binge of salt.
b) looking for casual dating does mean casual sex as far as most people are concerned, and that will put off some women who assume you're a player.

Welcome Deliberately and Burt

Burt - the options on POF are limiting, it's hard to get it right, as the very word 'casual' sounds a bit seedy! and could certainly put people off (it would me) You could put a line in your profile saying something along the lines of you won't rule out a relationship if the right person comes along etc.

Pinch of salt, not binge of salt. Although at times OD does require you to binge on those pinches.

Morning all, I've decided to delete my POF account due to not being ready to date, my break up is still raw and would not be fair on any potential date. This is also based on the fact that I still love my ex and hope we can reconcile in the future, I'm all for having fun but would not want to hurt anyone. I still have work to do on myself, but seeing as I still have sting feelings for my ex....I need to remain firmly single.....

Thanks for the advice, I will stop agonising stick with casual but put the note in my profile about being open to things developing

Siquando, maybe you could change your profile to explain that you are just looking for friendship for the time being?

siquando - sounds like you are still in a lot of turmoil with your posts veering from positive and chatting to people online to the one above....it's horrible and we've all been there. Brave and wise decision to admit to yourself you're not ready, and remember, there is plenty of support here whenever you need it.

Thank you for your comforting words.

Hi Burt,
I don't think that puts people off. I'm not sure I'm totally relationship ready either and have got a date today with someone who put on their profile that they're not after anything serious. I think it just shows you're cautious.

I am shitting myself about later. It's only the third date I've met online and keep putting myself off.

Hi all, please can I join, am in desperate need of good advise and handholding : )
Need somewhere to share my online dating journey as I start it as my last relationship was awful, very abusive - has left me rock bottom self esteem wise and not trusting my judgement too much. Am not jumping into dating again, feel Ive done all the right things up to this point. Freedom programme, self esteem course and single just recovering for 15 months but new year new start and tentatively dipping toe back in the waters, came here after browsing and figured this is a great place to share and get guidance
So joined OK C a few months back, rather half heartedly at the time, got flooded with messages all crappy "Hey Sexy" "U lk HOT" blah blah and most from guys 20 years younger than me! Im 42 but majority of messages seem to be from early 20's which I just write a polite thankyou for your lovely message but Im almost twice your age and we have nothing in common. Then there's the 48/50 year olds that look like theyve shaved a good few years off and look like my Dad! So was feeling Meh at the whole thing and maybe coming off for a while but got a message from a seemingly suitable and nice chappy (carpenter guy) on NYE. Weve been sending more frequent messages the last 3 days and he has hinted at coffee possibly this weekend. Am crapping myself! I do feel ready but worried about the likelyhood of him being not genuine and need help spotting red flags please. From reading this thread it seems the likelyhood of him being a nice genuine man is slim! Best place to meet? Safety tips/ WHAT TO WEAR!! argghhh. Sorry for being so juvenille, just a bit fragile and lacking in confidence..

shanelle - As you've already discovered with the OD, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs etc etc...but if this guy seems genuine, you like the look and sound of him then I'd say go for it....meet for an hour for a coffee, public cafe bar somewhere local or half way, that keeps it safe. It's a simple meet to see if there is anything there in real life. Then you can both decide if there is to be another one! I wouldn't give away any real personal stuff in the convo, where I work etc or be too specific, for who knows if you'll ever see this person again!
Wear what you feel comfortable in....good luck

Thanks JSKN, good luck today!

Shanelle I second the advice hansel gave you. Also it does get less nerve wracking over time. Have been on so many first dates that I don't get nervous or anxious anymore.

John best of luck today. You will be fine. Don't put yourself under too much pressure.

Waves @ Burt & Shanelle

Siquando I TAKE MY HAT OFF TO YOU FOR KEEPING IT REAL, that's the type of shit I like to hear! Good Luck on rediscovering yourself.

Shanelle if it's just coffee/drinks I'd keep it casual but sexy, with tailored/skinny jeans and a sparkly top, boots and leather jacket type outfit. Makeup to a minimal, hair sex bomb-ish, no need for titts&ass hanging out, keep it classy! Have FUN, and remember he's not the only guy out there if he does turn out to be a slimeball.

Good morning all and welcome to the newcomers :-)

I had a neighbour round last night for a few drinks and nearly found myself texting pofguy! She's under the impression he has "gone into his cave" and is feeling embarrassed etc.
Personally I think that's a load of shite and thankfully didn't follow through with a text..gonna delete everything today just incase I'm tempted next time I'm under the influence of the demon drink!

Santa, did you get a reply from work guy to your trxt?

Oh Hi Jon, I hope you have a FAB time tonight!

Posted too soon. Fair play on bowing out Siquando. I went in a few dates before realising I wasn't ready. Took a good long break and was far more open to meeting someone when I went back.

Burt I find the Pof options are a bit crap. They are very open to interpretation. Personally I think casual dating/no commitment means casual sex. That's just me though. Wants to date but nothing serious night fit your situation better and improve traffic. I could be totally wrong and am open to correction

Thanks all for the replies - lol at masterpro I will refrain from tits and arse hanging out on first date if it comes to that!! good luck to any going on dates tonight, will check in later to try and learn who everyone is and learn a bit more on the do's and dont's! Thanks again, feel better already and not QUITE such a teenager

I agree with pow,casual dating/no commitment usually means sex..dating but nothing serious is the best option if you're not quite sure about being ready for a relationship yet..

Hi Shanelle and Jon.

Well done poff on not texting! Wish I could say I had the same self-discipline this morning! Have now deleted contacts and conversations so hopefully this will stop me making the same mistake again!!!!!!

poffe no not heard a thing back since the txt I sent at 1pm yesterday so am hoping he's got the message. However last time I told him to stop he left it a day or so then started again. If he does I will be saying I will have to take it further. Will have to see him Monday at work though, should be interesting. The annoying thing is I'M worried about it and I've done nothing wrong!!

Yes yes delete all his contacts so you won't be tempted again. I always find that works for me and its quite therapeutic, a kind of " Fuck You "

Thanks masterPO! It's just an afternoon drink/coffee so will update...
I'm new to POF and chatting to loads already, which is quite fun. Just need to get over the crippling fear that I will be a disappointment to those I meet up with!

Lies what do you mean??? Did you contact someone???

It's hard isn't it Lies? I'm currently in the fuck uou mode but goodness knows how strong I'd be if he started texting again... I'm sure you know that maths is no good for you but they can be so bloody convincing it's hard to resist!
How did you leave it with him?

Santa it's so unfair that you have been left feeling bad about it..you did everything right from the get go...he should be the one dreading work tomorrow, not you!