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Original poster

A second date or not?? Help!

108 replies

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 29/12/2013 23:42

Ive been online dating for a couple of months. In that time Ive chatted to all sorts of men. Some nutters, some weirdos and some really nice. Ive met 3 irl. The first i felt lived too far away, the second had a wonky eye i didnt see in his profile pic and the 3rd I met tonight. We have been chatting a while and had arrangedto meet next weekend for dinner. He booked a table in my favourite restaurant. However, today he asked if i was free tonight to meet so i was and met him for a light dinner. I met at his house (i did give all the details to my friend) and we drove in his posh car to the restaurant.
Ok...here it is....he is a lovely, attentive, tall, dark guy who fancied me. Trouble is i felt no sexual attraction or chemistry. Hes been textig me since i got home saying lovely things.
Do i go on Friday for the meal and see if i feel any different or do i let him down gently now? I dont want to hurt him as he is nice, hes just not for me despite looking perfect on paper.
Can you lovely mumsnetters give me some advice? Thanks in advance :0)

OP posts:
Skiingmaniac · 29/12/2013 23:44

I would give it at least 2/3 more dates to see what grows....the pressure on date night can't make you over think the attraction in my opinion...he sounds lovely....go on give it a go.....Thanks

Wuxiapian · 29/12/2013 23:44

If you felt no spark or chemistry, I would say not to waste your time.

JeanSeberg · 29/12/2013 23:47

Def give it another date as he sounds like the type that doesn't come along very often online. You're clearly not 100% sure or you wouldn't be asking.

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 29/12/2013 23:51

He just text me to sayhe thought i was lovely and he really wanted to kiss me but didnt know what to do. I replied saying that i like to be comfortable with someone after a few dates before issing!
I dont think hes for me. There is another guy who ive chatted to who is more my type physically and he seems lovely too but he he doesnt have full time work and im really looking for someone self sufficuent...argghhh...i know i sound fussy but my childrens father cheated on me and i just want to make sure i make the right choices.

OP posts:
Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 29/12/2013 23:53

Thank you for advice. Maybe i should give it another go. Im just worried i am agreeing to the date because i dont want to hurt his feelings.

OP posts:
lifesgreatquestions · 29/12/2013 23:55

I would go if I liked him and we got on well...but I don't factor in sex and always end up in relationships where there's no chemistry and the sex dies out, so don't do what I do if you value that!

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 29/12/2013 23:59

Ive not had sex in a long time! So i would hope that whowever i meet make me feel sexy! He doesnt make me go phwoooarr. I enjoyed his company as it was nice to be wanted after the way my ex treated me.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 29/12/2013 23:59

Meet them both.

Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 00:01

Go with an open mind, two dates is after all nothing in the whole scheme of things, at least then after date number two you will probably have a concrete answer.

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 00:03

As a man who does online dating, i would rather you called it now than going on another date. If the spark isn't there it just isn't. I think if you like someone enough, you should kiss them asap, if you get the butterfy feeling then you're probably on to a winner. If it's a damp squib, then you're not ;)

JeanSeberg · 30/12/2013 00:05

Feelings aren't always instant though.

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 00:08

Thank you everyone. There were no butterflies....just nerves. He was older than he said in his profile (he told me before we met) but i was happy he was honest.

OP posts:
Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 00:08

Therein lies the problem with online dating now and the catalogue of faces it has become. Very hard to develop something when you know in the back of your mind that there are hundreds of other 'possibilities' :(

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 00:14

Ive actually taken my pics off and reduced my profile when i decided to meet him. Im quite naive when it comes to dating and lack confidence. I am not going to date another until im certain about this guy. I find it hard to be rejected and im now finding it harder to do the rejecting.

OP posts:
Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 00:19

I did similar last week. I exchanged numbers with someone, we spoke and texted for two weeks before meeting and i didn't log in the whole time (i'm quite good like that, not interested in having more than one date/conversation at a time). She even deleted her account. Saying that, we met and i doubt we will again so maybe putting your eggs in one basket is a bit risky. Online dating can and should be so simple but it's not. Being rejected is never nice but on a dating site it's par for the course for most people, so do what works for you. If he's a good man he'll take it on the chin, if he doesn't, you had a lucky escape :)

Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 00:27

I'm on line dating and I don't stop talking to others at all, Im dating... If however we've had a few dates and we both agree to hide our profiles then that's fine.

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 00:27

Thank you. How do you do the whole "thanks you were lovely but not for me" thing? In a text? Do I call him? Or do i go for dinner on Friday and tell him in person? Or do i give it another couple of dates? Its a minefield, isnt it!

OP posts:
Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 00:29

That was to phatal...
Tinks....thanks....im still chatting to two others also. Havent agreed to anything though.

OP posts:
Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 00:31

I would say a text is fine at this stage and if you feel uncomfortable making the call. In the early days i did the silent treatment and always regretted it but did get to apologise. I've also done it face to face and that was...awkward as hell! Leave it at...it was lovely meeting you but i am ....gay/not ready for this/emigrating/any way out you can think of :)

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 00:34

Lol....ok thanks. I shall have a think. Knowing me Im too soft, i will buckle out and go on Friday!! Could you text him for me? Wink

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 00:36

If you decide not to go OP a text is absolutely fine. Just say thank you for a lovely time, unfortunately for me there was no spark but I'm sure you will find someone special and take care.

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 00:37

Haha, i actually did that for a mate not long ago. Apparently i'm quite good at the 'out' message though felt a bit guilty after doing his dirty work!! Do what you want to do, don't ever feel under pressure about dating someone, it's supposed to be fun and exciting :)

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 00:38

Tinks...that is perfect....polite and friendly. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 00:40

Phatal...good advice about not feeling under pressure. Thank you.
Im sitting here worrying that he is going to try and kiss me. As you say it should be fun.

OP posts:
Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 00:46

Don't go! You seem to be putting too much pressure on yourself when it should be...simple. You'll know the right man when it happens and there won't be any stress involved ;)

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