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Original poster

A second date or not?? Help!

108 replies

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 29/12/2013 23:42

Ive been online dating for a couple of months. In that time Ive chatted to all sorts of men. Some nutters, some weirdos and some really nice. Ive met 3 irl. The first i felt lived too far away, the second had a wonky eye i didnt see in his profile pic and the 3rd I met tonight. We have been chatting a while and had arrangedto meet next weekend for dinner. He booked a table in my favourite restaurant. However, today he asked if i was free tonight to meet so i was and met him for a light dinner. I met at his house (i did give all the details to my friend) and we drove in his posh car to the restaurant.
Ok...here it is....he is a lovely, attentive, tall, dark guy who fancied me. Trouble is i felt no sexual attraction or chemistry. Hes been textig me since i got home saying lovely things.
Do i go on Friday for the meal and see if i feel any different or do i let him down gently now? I dont want to hurt him as he is nice, hes just not for me despite looking perfect on paper.
Can you lovely mumsnetters give me some advice? Thanks in advance :0)

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 00:46

Oh dear OP, I'd send that text if you're worrying about him kissing you. A guy recently leant over to me on a first date and went, not sure how to describe the noise - pupupupu, I asked him what he was doing, he said "fishy kisses", yep, he got a text (grin).

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 00:50

You sure he wasn't having some sort of seizure Tinks? ;)

Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 00:53

I may have seen him again if that was the case phatal lol..

OP, my postman is nice, the guy at my corner shop is nice, I certainly don't want to kiss them though, really don't worry about it, once the deed is done you will feel bad for about 10 minutes then relief... and NEXT.

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 00:57

^ Brutal, but undeniably true :)

Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 01:02

Honesty is the best policy and on-line dating does tend to give one a thicker skin after time.

I would however steer clear of going for a meal on the first date a couple of drinks or coffee is really the way to go. What I do if not interested is buy him one back and say the sorry thing, that way you don't feel guilty about the guy buying you dinner.

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 01:11

Plate of Armour more like ;)

Taking a frozen microwave meal works too!

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 01:45

Thank you :0)
I paid half the bill. He text me later, first to say I had a very pretty face, lol, and then to say he was impressed I offered to pay half!
I fear that as we seem to have been texting and flirting online, he will say I led him on. But I didn't know how I'd feel when I met him. I had really hoped it would be butterflies but alas, no!

OP posts:
Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 01:49

Tinks....now worrying about fishy kisses lol.
I said I have a 4 date rule...he said each week we've been chatting (x2) counts as a date so by Friday he should be able to kiss me!
I'm scared.

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 01:52

Does it matter what he thinks really in the whole scheme of things OP?

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 01:57

Flora, banter and flirting is what it's all about. Before my date on Friday, we talked about kissing. And we did. It was okay, but i didn't get that feeling, in fact, it wasn't a great kiss and i know what they feel like! It just wasn't meant to be, throw in the fact that she is newly seperated and i was her first date i had a feeling that it wouldn't go anywhere. Change your rules, you don't know anything until someone is sat in front of you after all :)

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 02:02

Ok...thank you. I feel better. I'm learning....lol.
You are both right, I don't owe him anything and it shouldn't really matter what he thinks.
He is newly separated too from a girlfriend. I also found out he hasn't yet divorced his wife. I said specifically on my profile "no marrieds".
Couple with telling me he was 41 originally, I think I'm ready to send that text tomorrow.
I really appreciate your advice as I couldn't sleep for worrying.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 30/12/2013 02:03

What was his actual age?

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 02:07

You are welcome. I know each situation is different but this is the third time i've dated the newly seperated. First time the hubby was ripping the satnav out of the car to find out where she's been. The second involved talk of private detectives checking me out via the father in law... so i really should have learnt my lesson. Online dating sucks!! But i still get excited about meeting someone new :)

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 02:11

Jean....he was 45 so not much older. Still within my dating range. Just worried me he lied but he said his friend advised him to say he was younger as many do on dating sites!
PhatAl...how awful!! I'm going to try and trust no one Asher and try to be more aware.

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 02:53

Sorry to hear that Phatal. I tend to stay away from "separated" ones. On line dating is just a tool and you have to cut through the chaff to find someone right for you. Patience is the key. I met my ex on there, we were together for 4 years so it does and can work.

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 03:01

Oh, absolutely it works Tinks. Well, I'm still on there, but did see someone for 8 months. It is getting harder the more popular it gets but I'm a persistent bugger and still hope to meet the one..two or three ;)

Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 03:03

and there's me only wanting one :)

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 03:14

Yeah, I'll take one as well. Dates is easy enough. Meeting someone who isn't over their druggy ex, afraid of the dark, needy, involved in a messy divorce or addicted to online dating is another!

Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 03:29

We're out there Phatal. Go with the strong ones that take no nonsense and don't listen to sob stories.

Tinks42 · 30/12/2013 03:31

oh and I leave a light on at night :) I don't like pitch black...

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 03:38

But Tinks...I really did lose my puppy in the last floods :(

I know, it's just that environment is toxic. Mutual attraction, good conversation, banter and a bit of flirting whilst avoiding cock shots! Well, not me obviously. Don't know about you but I love the idea of meeting someone in a non dating kind of way, fancy them but take time to fall for them. Something solid!

AlaskaNebraska · 30/12/2013 03:43

I feel for wonky eye guy

JeanSeberg · 30/12/2013 08:52

I had a list of minimum requirements. Including that they must be divorced and a reasonable length of time single. It takes a while to get over a divorce/relationship and you need them to be ready to date again. Also the lying about age thing would be a no from me. So yes send the text:

'Enjoyed meeting you but have decided not to take things further. Good luck with the dating and best wishes for the new year.'

Original poster
FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 10:34

Jean...thank you. Like you i really want to avoid those separated. Ive never been married despite being with my children's father for over 10 years.
Im already feeling pressure to text as yesterday when i didnt reply to his good morning text right away, he text back asking if thinhs were ok between us. I said on my profile i wanted to date but nothing serious. Alreay im finding he is presurising me. Its nice to have the attention after my ex who squirmed when i went near him. But its just not right. Im still in two minds about meeting on Friday for a meal but i think it may only prolong the anxiety.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 30/12/2013 10:50

The more I read about him he sounds creepy, cheesy and controlling.