A second date or not?? Help!

[FloraSpreadableMacDonald]

Ive been online dating for a couple of months. In that time Ive chatted to all sorts of men. Some nutters, some weirdos and some really nice. Ive met 3 irl. The first i felt lived too far away, the second had a wonky eye i didnt see in his profile pic and the 3rd I met tonight. We have been chatting a while and had arrangedto meet next weekend for dinner. He booked a table in my favourite restaurant. However, today he asked if i was free tonight to meet so i was and met him for a light dinner. I met at his house (i did give all the details to my friend) and we drove in his posh car to the restaurant.
Ok...here it is....he is a lovely, attentive, tall, dark guy who fancied me. Trouble is i felt no sexual attraction or chemistry. Hes been textig me since i got home saying lovely things.
Do i go on Friday for the meal and see if i feel any different or do i let him down gently now? I dont want to hurt him as he is nice, hes just not for me despite looking perfect on paper.
Can you lovely mumsnetters give me some advice? Thanks in advance :0)

Even if he was phwwwoar I think his eagerness is a bit worrying. Texting to check things are ok because you don't reply quick enough? Either very controlling or very needy. Give him the benefit of the doubt and say needy.

Thank you. He hasnt text this morning. Probably waiting on me to make the move. But ive got a busy day planned. I shall text later and say thanks but no thanks.

Not sure I agree with the needy or controlling to be honest, he just likes you and can probably sense that you don't feel the same now. I'd send that text asap and put the poor guy out of his misery.

I agree Tinks, i think he was just keen.
Ive sent a polite text and hoping he is ok with it.
Thank you to everyoe who replied. I really appreciate it.
Im learning as i go about this OD malarky. I just dont like hurting peoples feelings.

Definitely give it another go. The first few dates are about trying each other out and you never know, some of the problem could be nerves on both sides. If you give up too soon, you might miss a diamond. Good luck.

well done OP. If the thought of kissing someone makes you feel a bit yuck then that's a decider for most. No kind person likes to think they hurt another, this is dating though and it will no doubt happen to you (so don't feel too bad) too along the way until you find a match.

Nice one Flora, for the best. If he's a genuine guy he'll take it on the chin and move on. Good luck on the search :)

Right so OP whos next on the list :)

Shall this be the start of our own dating thread? I cant keep up with the other one? what do you say Flora and Phatal?

Happy to oblige here. Be nice to get another perspective and even give one. Didn't here from my date on Friday despite the kissing but that's just the way it goes. Thniking about it over the weekend, with her newly seperated (her and hubby spent xmas day evening together, but no hanky panky apparently) i thought about how it would look if i said that to a woman, not sure it would lead to a second date!

Separates are a dodgy lot really I think but if someone is genuine they will come forward and try to keep you out of their drama as much as possible, depends how you feel about them. My sister is now with a guy that was still living with his ex, they've been together for three years now and are very happy... its swings and round abouts huh.

Indeed, The best woman i met OD was going through a very messy divorce but i liked her alot and was happy to be there for her. Trouble was, our first blip after 8 months became the last. It was easier to just say 'that's it' with me with all the other stuff going on. Pity really, but does make me think twice now if newly seperated (6 months or less at least!)

what will be will be though, someone separated could be that due to other things and have emotionally left the relationship a long time ago. It's on an individual basis.

That is true. Must keep an open mind ;) In fact, she hadn't had sex for 4 years so it can be advantageous!

He replied thanking me for my honesty. He said he had felt roughly the same and worried about us long term. I suspect his ego was bruised as up until my dear John text he was very keen!

Fair play Flora, he's bound to be a little butt hurt but he could of been arsey so he doesn't sounds so bad, just not what you are looking for :)

Maybe, maybe not Flora, he might have been willing to give things a go where he thought you weren't the perfect fit either. It's done now though, onwards and upwards.

I think this is the difference between men and women. All the dating-angst threads on here show that when there is no spark men just quickly end it (often in a cowardly fashion, for example just 'disappearing'). Here, the OP is agonising, but in this case it's because she's worried about leading him on and/or hurting him.

Not at all MyChild. As a man whose been in that position it isn't as straight forward as that and in fact i've had it done to me in the last few days. Gutlessness isn't a gender issue :)

"He said he had felt roughly the same and worried about us long term. I suspect his ego was bruised as up until my dear John text he was very keen!

Umm, maybe he said the truth?

I think it's call bravado. I've had it happen to me and tried to be a bit blasé about it but inside i'm thinking 'aw bollocks' :)

ok phatal, half bravado half realisation?

Hi OP, I haven't read through the whole thread but realise you've given him the brush-off, which is a pity. I'm pushing 50 and have dated hundreds of men, having been single my entire life.

I have ended up falling for guys in the past who I had no interest in whatsoever to begin with, and felt no initial chemistry with; they just grew on me over time.

I also have a friend who dated three guys at the same time. She was not interested (at first) in Guy No2, but obsessed with guy No1, a rich executive. Over time she fell for Guy no2 and they are now happily married with two children.

Women can be won around by charm, wit, intelligence and personality; men, on the other hand, know straight away whether they are into a woman or not, because they are more visually driven than we are. If they are not physically attracted to you from the off, it ain't gonna happen. They are different to us.

Secondly, I am a great believer in multi-dating: if you're single, why be in a hurry to home in on one guy? Never be too hasty in casting aside admirers! Why not just enjoy them?

Have fun, get out there and flirt!

Blimey, who knows with OD?? You could waste many hours trying to work it out when really, it just doesn't matter.

Maybe he did feel the same as me but i suspect bravado...as his previous text was all about how he couldnt wait till Friday and kissing was mentioned again. I just felt guilty and i suspect hemay have realised hes gone OD too soon as he just separated in October. Who knows but he was very gracious which helps as i will look back and think i still had a very pleasant night out.
Im still learning as a novice, so thank you again to you all for contributing.
I shall get the new year out the way and head back out there!