Single Beds

[carolthatcher2003]

How do I broach this subject with DH?

Do you have them and want a double, or do you want to move into singles?

I want us to have singles, it's not as if we "sleep" together

Do you think that might be a more important topic to discuss, rather than the actual bed size?

I agree with Aloha. Before you talk about getting new beds, maybe you should find a good time to sit down and discuss why you are feeling like this with him?

We haven't touched each other in months, and I don't want to, I just want a peaceful night. I think we've reached a stage where we just have to be practical - maybe that sounds weird to you, but love doesn't last forever

Hi, Carol. Unless you guys are too old to have sex, (and that is a personal thing), you need to know whether your dh is as uninterested in sex as you are. If he wants to and you don't, maybe you should look into what the problem is.

If you want to keep the relationship going, it isn't fair to condemn the other person to a life without sex unless you are both agreed on it.

It isn't really about beds, is it?

I'm 38, so no, I suppose not too old, but I'm not interested. I tried a while back, and it didn't work, and he knows I won't, so yes, it is about beds, as I want a decent nights sleep

Why not have zip together beds? That way the mattresses are independent and you can't feel the other person turn over. you can even have different types, soft and mediium etc coombinations. They make a very big bed! (for when you are interested) and you can't feel the join - not in a ViSpring.

Think seriously before getting singles, that woould be no going baack.

Talk to him first it can be a powerful aphrodisiac!The beds are just a symptom really.My parents sleep seperately due to my dads snoring and their relationship is just as friends now and seems really cold and empty dont give up yet!Im 38 its still young-isnt it?

My dh snores and I'm a restless sleeper, so sometimes one or other of us goes in the spare room just to get a night's undisturbed sleep. We still cuddle up together either last thing or first thing (or both).

CT2003, do you have no contact at all? Not even cuddling?

I think that sounds very sad (but I'm just a softy)

I don't like it. I certainly don't fancy it, or him - the idea of "no going back" doesn't bother me.

Feel free to tell me to mind my own buisness, but why are you still together then ???? If you don't even fancy him. Do you still love him or like him ????

Nutty I was wondering the same thing. If there's no 'affectionate contact' at all?

Just friends living in the same house?

A strange first question for a new Mumsnetter!!

I wouldn't say that I was new, just irregular.

We're not lovers any more, but we are both parents to the same child, so Husband and Wife in that sense. We're not really friends either, but that is not a problem.

gosh. are you really happy to carry on living like this? (in one or two beds)

First post under that name - have you changed your name for this?
If it is a genuine question it sounds as though there is no affection between you and that you appear to be staying together purely to be your child's parents then I would speak with your dh - the fact that you need to 'broach' this with him sounds as though he does not feel the same. It seems that you have a serious breakdown of your relationship that should be looked into before you take the drastic step of single beds or separate rooms.

Sounds like you might need separate rooms not separate beds - you sound sad though about the situation, not just dispassinate, or is that in my imagination...

You guys are getting Troll-paranoid. I remember carolthatcher posting before -- she has a famous name, after all! Not that I think you've anything to do with that CT. I am convinced the Search Facility isn't working right, btw....

What about two single beds pushed together side-by-side? Might not hurt your DH's feelings and it's great for getting lots more sleep than you otherwise might. For a while, DH & I shared a rented room in a (huge Victorian) house with 2 singles pushed together. I'd have 2 beds again in a flash, if we had a bedroom big enough.

I admit the idea is to avoid contact with him, I was just hoping for a way to "sell" him the idea. He seems to have got used to things as they are now.

I am surprised by how many of you feign surprise that i don't want sex anymore - am I the only one who doesn't care about that sort of thing anymore, really?

I don't love him anymore, but HE IS the farther of our child, that's a important bond.

Why not just a bigger bed ??
DH and I bought a super kingsize, it's fab.
It's also very firm, so I can't feel him moveing about, and no roll together.
He snores really badly, but it doesn't seem so loud when he's right over the other end of the bed,and not right by my ear.

I dont think anyone is 'feigning surprise'. I think everyone was just trying to establish what the situation was and the issue between you and your DH. Is it what you really want? We are all being very nosey but is it sex you arent interested in or your DH? Does he feel the same? At the age of 38 can you live like this for the rest of your life?

He wanted sex, but I have sort of trained him out of the idea over the past few years. I am not interested, in sex with anyone, and with him no less or more than anyone else. I don't love him, but we have been together 8 years now, is that so surprising?