DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

If your dh was behaving in an inappropriate way and his work place learns that he may loose his job.
He knows that I am sure!

Would you be happy about that?

All these "near misses" with women throwing themselves at him are a bit strange. I've worked in male dominated industries and never once felt the need to fling myself on my unsuspecting boss. Nor have witnessed any of my colleagues being overcome by the rampant testosterone they just had to make a move.

He really has a high opinion of himself!

I think you need to stop having any communication with him. You are all over the place. Want him out. Your family back. Let him help from a distance. Not attack him for being helpful.

This man has cheated on you and is worming his way back in. He is more bothered about what you will say or do to his OW than he is you.

He really is hoping you won't make a fuss ...

y duchess, which usually means there is more to be discovered

You've had no real time to think about what you want/need and he is already hoping that by deleting OW number and offering to pick up some shopping he is being all reasonable and nice. He is covering his back, he doesn't want to give you more ammunition ( so is being nicey, nicey ) to chuck his arse out and he doesn't want the embarrassment of you turning up at his workplace or speaking to OW

Get some space between you, I think it will help enormously.

Yes ! What's the betting there's more to this 'song' and these other women at work who find him irresistible ?!

'Snog' !!!

Hi Malcolm...this is really bringing it all back to me.

I didn't want to break the family up, felt families should have two parents.

However my ex abusive h pulled many of the stunts yours has. What made up my mind (AFTER I had taken him back again!!!) was that I didn't want my children learning a) that is how you expect a husband to behave to their wife b) that dads should be such twats. They need to learn a different way. Bad luck we got it wrong. But better you send out a clear message to the children that men cannot go round treating wives like this. It is not acceptable.

No to letting him over the doorstep (after the ex was out the second time I have done this for a year, confused the children and made me feel the house was not mine/or a safe place). And he starts to try to get his feet under the table again.

Mine tried the mediation line...over and over again. If yours has tried this, you can go alone and they are there to support you to stay together, or separate.

At the end of the day, even if he can be nice occasionally...is that really good enough for you and the children? Shouldn't you be setting your standards higher?

I have a list in my head now for a future partner (and I still doubt I will ever trust a man again). Kind. Caring. Helpful. Assertive (with other people!). Confident. Fair. etc. My ex is assertive and confident but had a bypass on the kind caring etc.

This will really feel so hard right now, I totally feel where you are coming from, physically I feel what you are going through right now...and its so hard to be strong and follow through on the advice (I too cringed at clothes in bin bags and making him angry). But its your best chance at being assertive and getting a clean break as possible from him. Hang on in there, there is some fantastic advice on this thread and you CAN do this :) really you can (if I can anyone can!).

And it does feel better when they are out of the house and the oppressive atmosphere lifts. Oh and my eldest really adored daddy. A year down the line and their seeing his true colours :(

Keep going, keep strong, you can do this :)

xx

ok its all going a bit shit. Thanks for sticking with me x

He brought kids back, wanted to talk.

short version.
He is not prepared to be 'homeless' while i live here and he pays all the bills. That is not fair.
He wants to crash in the study, coming in at night. I cant stop him he lives here.

arguing, he went to go taking both laptops with him. I said what am i supposed to do with no laptop? and dcs? eventually gave one back. (they r his work ones but ffs)
then, he wont move the 30k over because if he is not living here he will need it to live on.

I said move half to me, then thats fair. More rowing.

He thrn said he wants to move into study, he will still do up hoise, then maybe we could try again????

You need lots of TLC for yourself OP

She needs a back bone more like

WHY does he not know it is over? WHY does he not believe you when you say it is over?

He is following the script. When he stayed at his mother's you should never have let him back in as now he will bully and control you which will be horrific for the children to see .

Is it over?

and you did say no??

yes i said no to all of it!!!

he is saying it was just a kiss this runs deeper blah blah blah

He has a key ffs.i.cant change the locks???

why can't you change the locks?

its illegal

this is his house too

oh right yes there is that......
hmm

but it isn't just a kiss - it is all of his behaviour before you made that discovery.

so he is still there now?

no he gone.

He told me to text him what i wanted ro do re the children.

He is feeling out of conyrol i think and that is hard for him

No more Mr Nice Guy then, that didn't last long

Malc, you need to listen to us. Please stop reading the advice on your thread and then doing something else.

Tell him to leave. Make an appt with a solicitor on Monday. Tell him all further communication wrt finances will be after you have taken financial advice. Do not enter into any more discussions with him.

Copy all financial documents/screenshot online balances

if you do not do this, you will spend the next few weeks being jerked around like a puppet on a string.

So he is gone for now. He will be back tomorrow wanting to move back in. You probably cannot stop him legally. Which is why you now need to get legal on his ass

Start divorce proceedings. You don't have to petition adultery, why bother. Just go the easy route.

And fgs, don't start playing any daft games like showing up at his workplace. Your dignity will go right down the toilet if you do that.

just got this

Sorry that we argued again. The next time we talk could we do it when the boys are asleep as it's not fair on them. I'm not blaming you for that. Also I know you want space and I'll give you that but can you text me if you want me to do anything like clear the rubbish or take the children. Take care

Just ignore him