DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

only a chub and a yale. I need a bolt.

I think he is feeling guilt and shame. (he always said he would never cheat) and that he wants to make it easy for all of us.

I said i had packed him a bag, maybe he should put work clothes in for next week. He agreed so must be thinking he is going to sleep elsewhere.

I think we should set up contact days for next week. He can come and take them out.

That way I get a break too.

Of course you can split amicably. I am not trying to incite you into being a screaming harridan wanting his balls on a plate. Ice maiden is the look you need here.

if he leaves amicably. He's not going to though. Mark my words.

i agree with anyfucker. at some point in the not too distant future when his life of freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be he will change. Thats why it is important that you get the money side sorted ASAP, do what it takes to make your children secure.

by "amicable" if you mean trusting him to do right by you and the kids, then that would just be plain daft

get the solicitor appt booked

if he sees his arse about that, then you will know he has no intention of looking after you

i alwaus see the good in people, and he is the man i love so I guess Im just hoping he will be good.

he has textto ask of he can pick anything up for us on way home. Its ok to say yes? i need nappies and other bits or should i not?

even the 'making life as easy as possible for you wife' is that normal? even though he wants to split. Could he just be trying to make it easier for all of us?

Is your mum still around Malc? That^ is exactly^ the kind of thing my ex would have said in front of my mum, or to her. Total headfuck LIES. As soon as this becomes slightly difficult for him he will do the Jekyll/Hyde routine and you will have your life as hard as possible by him.

Don't let him back in, don't fall for it. He is not going to magically morph into wanting your DC or respecting you. In fact if you let him back it will get a whole lot worse because he will think he's got the upper hand and he can do what he likes and you still won't leave or chuck him out. Just see it as temporary at the moment if that's easier.

Good to read your pithy and reliable posts again, AF - you have been missed on rlshps.

she is here but all said aeay from her.

She wants to speak to him, i told her not.to bother but she wants to so ots no skin off my nosr.
That will be awkward...

I suggest you go back and re read your opening post. This is the man who pushes you when you have a child in your arms.

Unfortunately you have been so starved off kindness that he has to do so little to get you back.

For the sake of your children you have to stronger. They deserve to grow up without seeing or being the victim of abuse.

Yes, said away from her, in the sure knowledge it will be relayed!

Re the shopping, personally I wouldn't accept his uncharacteristically kind offer. Where was he when you were all sick? Why couldn't he be kind and thoughtful then? It would stick in my throat to go alomg with 'kind' version now.

Come on OP, you know this is all for effect. You know the real person your H is..... remember, the one who doesn't give a shit about you or the DC, the one who is bored by you?

Is it possible that his mother gave him massive telling off? Is he perhaps acting to please her?

As I keep telling him. I dont know what I want yet

That's a good line to use actually OP. Make him think that it's temporary, that you just need a bit more time. Anything to keep him away from you so that you can think straight.

what about if I just accept the kindness from a distance?
so he still moves out, we r not together but I dont beat him up for trying to be nice?

That would be great if he would go along with it but, sadly, I don't think he will. Once he realises he is not getting what he wants he will turn very mean. You can try being kind to him, but not at the expense of your own boundaries. Be clear and be firm.

he has text to ask of he can pick anything up for us on way home. Its ok to say yes? i need nappies and other bits or should i not?

Not. You need to make it really clear to him that there is only one thing you want from him right now. You want him to leave you alone for a while. No contact except for pre-agreed handover of children. He does not call round, he does not phone, he does not text.

Spell it out to him. He says he will do anything for you. See if he can do this.

He is abusive and this 'nice' phase is typical. It is a way of reeling you back in. It will make you wonder why you were so upset in the first place.
I mean how could he really be that bad if he wants the best for you and offers to do your shopping? Only nice people offer such kindnesses surely?
He is not being nice, he does not care about you all the children. He cares only for his own needs. It is inconvenient for him to be out of the house.
Op this is a man who has physically attacked you and ground you into the ground emotionally.
He is a nasty, nasty piece of work and extremely adept at emotional manipulation, as most abusers are. That is how you got into this mess in the first place, after all.

damn, sent text with list of bits i need. Oh well i wont let him do it again!

I have just spoken to my best pal. Its so important to talk about it all. Im lucky I have you lot and rl people.

She thinks the same as you. I should not tell what i want. tell him i need time. make sure the house gets done then decide

his face when i told him i had her number and would be calling her!!! he tells me he has deleted her number. it was hilarious!!!
I then said I would be coming to work to speak to her!
hahaha his face!!!
"please dont"

That's it - scare the weasel!!

This is the time to be strong - for yourself and your children.

Of couse he is acting broken & sorry - the Stupid One has scuttled back to her partner and left him high & dry, he wants to come home until he finds a replacement.

.
He treats you like shit - you would be an absolute fool to fall for all of this again and I know you aren't... you just have to know you aren't as well.

Everything he does is calculated, designed to manipulate you.

Just picture him holding your baby girl - telling you that she is a mistake, it's all your fault for 'keeping' her If that doesn't make you see sense and keep him the fuck away from you all, then really, there's no hope that you will come to your senses about this bastard.

im thinking i might pop into his work just to mess with him... is that evil

I do actually want to see her. I think it wouls scare her shitless.

Scare the weasel and her even further..

You will be seeing your lawyer, divorcing on the grounds of adultery naming her in the petition.....

Don't start playing games, you'll lose your high ground.

Go back and read your first free posts here, about what he was like before you found out about the snog. The snog is irrelevant.

The way he was treating you before you found out is enough reason to kick this waste of space out of your life. I bet my bottom dollar he thinks the snog is why you want him out. When really, all it is is a convenient reason to kick his sorry arse out.

There is nothing to be fixed here, it has disintegrated into thin air.

Few not free

And when he drops the few bits off do not let him in!!! Say thanks & tell him to collect the kids New Year's Eve at lunchtime & keep them at his mum's overnight because you're going out & need all afternoon to get ready!

He is shitting himself because I bet the dalliance started when he started being nasty. I would bet my bottom dollar it has been going on since before dc3.

she only started at work this sept. Im nearly 100% sure there has been no other woman
But, I think he has been innapropiate at work for a long time over stepping the mark. He told me a girl has made a move on him twice at work. ( i know her too) and he knocked her back. Now why would a woman risk the humiliation of a knockback by her boss if she wasnt led along a bit?

I hadnt even thought about naming her in the divorce. Will she be notified?

Yes she would be served & liable to costs but the danger is if you can't prove they actually had sex then she could counter sue you for costs & he would be likely to play dirty. I think most solicitors advise these days to divorce for adultery with unnamed person to avoid costs.