More piss takers in recent years or just noticing them more

[tiredoldmum]

I've noticed a lot of very lazy men in recent years who are content to do nothing and let their partner work and do every thing.

My dd is married to a lazy twunt and I am finding out I am married to a lazy twunt.

My father and 1st husband had very strong work ethics so this isn't any sort of pattern for me.

It seems to me women give far more in a relationship than any man every does but she makes excuses for him. I know I make excuses for mine as who wants to be a failure.

I don't know why we do it to ourselves. A man watches his child for an hour or puts his cup in a sink and he is a Saint.

In my case, I have found both spouses to need a lot of emotional care taking. Any appointments, card writing, picking up things, remembering things, etc. is on my shoulders. It is very draining. I'm not sure what I actually got out of being married.

I have struggled to have a good career and neither spouse was much encouraging or supportive but I was expected to do that for them.

Maybe I just picked two bad ones?

And OP isn't in that situation.

Marriage, long term partnerships, and running a household are team work. No one person should be expected to do everything, it's the 21st century for crying out loud, not the 1950's

But...not all relationships are the same.

If you are not happy, with any aspect of your relationship then you need to speak up or in extreeme cases get support.

That may come across as a 'put up or shut up' comment and some people are quite happy to put up, as it were, fine!

But if your not happy, nothing is going to change unless you do something about it.
Speak up OP, don't let them walk all over you. We are not all pisstakers or twunts.
And if nothing changes then get out, with support if needed but no one deserves to live their life unhappily

When threads take the men are genus threads,I always think does that include your son,partner,brother,dad
OR just the men,sons,dads That other women put up with

When threads take the men are gits threads,I always think does that include your son,partner,brother,dad
OR just the men,sons,dads That other women put up with

Because they don't start out like that obviously Fairenuff. If they did no one would be with them at all. Lets not forget either that most men do not display any signs of abuse until after marriage and/or when a woman becomes pregnant and therefore far more vulnerable.

Even putting abuse aside, many women are brought up with mindset that as long as he's not hitting me or seeing other women its not so bad and they're conditioned to up with nonsense as described in the OP.

I think people who say "well I wouldn't put up with it and I don't know why anyone would! be stronger!" etc are utterly clueless to be honest.

You asked for answers to your scenario,you got answers.you don't like the responses?
No one is clueless,and no one is likely it say hey,yes do stay with physically and verbally abusive man
No it's not easy to summon the courage to act,ESP if your confidence has been eroded. But there are options to the scenario you suggested

Thanks MudCity.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, it's just that it's relentless. I can never really enjoy her company - which I do, she's a lovely person - because I'm just waiting for it all the time and I don't see her that often.

She'll never change and neither will he. I'll listen to her for as long as she needs me to.

I wasn't addressing you SM. I never do on any thread I see you on as I cannot bear your aggressive and limited manner, so as I ignored YOUR response you can be sure your answers were irrelevant to me. I was responding to Fairenuff.

sparkly I wasn't talking about abuse. I was talking about this thread. Both of OP's partners were lazy, not abusive.

If I was dating a man who turned out to be lazy and disrespectful, I would not go on to marry him and have children with him.

If he could not shop for himself, clean up after himself, care for himself, remember to buy gifts, etc., then I would run for the hills.

That's not clueless, that is pretty bleedin' sensible.

Sm is right

I have no idea if you ignore me or not,it won't impede me responding to your scenario,you've been give answers,if you deem that clueless up to you
But that's what majority would advise,and the timescale/practicalities are down to the individual circumstance

I agree but some of them really do put on a good show, they really do. My ex H was Captain Perfect right up until the day I started maternity leave from then on everything was my job and the resentment and conflict arising from that led to arguments, which in turn led to abuse. When you've invested so much, it's so hard not to keep trying to get "they man you know they can be" back again.

There is always signs but some women choose to ignore them sparkly.

I am aware that the OP is not in that position but its the strenuous "women shouldn't put up with it!" that I was trying to address.

Well, women shouldn't put up with lazy men because it just perpetuates the laziness. How on earth will anything change for OP if she puts up with it?

There were no signs Annie and as you cannot possibly have personal experience of all these relationships I don't see how you can say that.

Indeed scottishmummy everyone has a different threshold. What one person wouldn't put up with for five minutes may suit another perfectly well.

Well obviously she shouldn't put up with it, but it's this assumption that he will change if she puts her foot down. Some people just WON'T.

It's true,and it needs to be strenuous no woman needs to put up with physical or verbal abuse
I won't be less strident or strenuous about women being abused not at all
People should be enraged that women are physically/verbally abused.not taking issue that is said strenuously

Has anyone ever heard of a man that was a brilliant cook, cleaner, did all admin and was completely doing lots before children who then started doing nothing? If so would be exceptionally rare or unlikely.

So if the man Won't change the woman is faced with a stark will I make change?
And the timescale,or response will differ from individual to individual
But there are options,such as chosing to act even if the man wont

it's this assumption that he will change if she puts her foot down. Some people just WON'T

And some will. She will never know if she doesn't put her foot down. And it needs to be done seriously, not just a half hearted effort.

Doing nothing guarantees that nothing changes. Action is the only way to change anything and if it doesn't work, then she has the option of leaving, as she already hinted at in her OP.

I agree with sparklysequins. People can, and do, change. And there are not always signs.

The person you marry is not necessarily the same person you are with 2, 5, 10, 25 years down the line.

One significant life event can derail the relationship into something unrecognisable.

Yes Annie my ex. He didn't do much admin though I admit because I worked in an office so it was much easier for me.

It all changed when we had dc, with the children came the idea that now I was a mother, the children and home were entirely my responsibility. It's not uncommon I don't think.

But I am not saying do nothing, I saying that no matter what you do sometimes nothing will change do the view "I wouldn't put up with it, I would tell him" may have no effect whatsoever and that is nothing to do with the stance she takes.