More piss takers in recent years or just noticing them more

[tiredoldmum]

I've noticed a lot of very lazy men in recent years who are content to do nothing and let their partner work and do every thing.

My dd is married to a lazy twunt and I am finding out I am married to a lazy twunt.

My father and 1st husband had very strong work ethics so this isn't any sort of pattern for me.

It seems to me women give far more in a relationship than any man every does but she makes excuses for him. I know I make excuses for mine as who wants to be a failure.

I don't know why we do it to ourselves. A man watches his child for an hour or puts his cup in a sink and he is a Saint.

In my case, I have found both spouses to need a lot of emotional care taking. Any appointments, card writing, picking up things, remembering things, etc. is on my shoulders. It is very draining. I'm not sure what I actually got out of being married.

I have struggled to have a good career and neither spouse was much encouraging or supportive but I was expected to do that for them.

Maybe I just picked two bad ones?

You are free to express your opinion but if you call OP a troll your post will be deleted and then no-one will see your opinion. It's HQ's rules, not us posters.

If you have a problem with inflammatory comments about men, report the post to HQ and they will look into it.

Or, just reply that not all men are like that, as have lots of us on this thread. We have those men in our lives and we live with mutual love and respect. Not everyone gets to experience that and they genuinely don't know that it exists, sadly.

Fairenuff I stopped doing things for my STBXH, or rather I left plenty if stuff for him to do. But instead of doing if for himself he just got more miserable and uptight.

Emotionally stunted as well as entitled and angry.

I have read WifeWork and agree with every word. I think with marriage and kids women are often sleepwalking into the 1950s. Perhaps as a byproduct of being independent and working out of the house, they feel like they are somehow taking the piss by being on mat leave so start doing the lions share of everything?

If you use the Relationships board, Andy, then you will see there are a lot of vulnerable women out there living in less than ideal situations

If you wish to discount all their stories too because it makes individual men look bad, then knock yourself out

What are hanging around on this thread for, better get busy. You could have all the threads where individual men are called out for being shit fucked up by this time tomorrow if you get a wriggle on.

Maybe if you indulged less in gender stereotypes,women give far more you'd be happier
Don't be such a doormat then,stop giving bloody more and enabling lazy men
You have a Role here,and if you run about like a BAF after men that's your look out

And you know what Andy's right,mn posters write some shocking gender shite
If you're daft enough to be a martyred mutha and wife you are responsible too for the rotten deal you get
I won't enact mum does everything to my kids,you don't need to either

I never expected my dh to be that pathetic. It never even occurred to me that he might expect me to do more than him. We share everything, all the housework, organising, etc. just gets done by one of us and it's never been an issue. Ever.

He remembers and buys presents for people he cares about, he is just as capable as I am. He shared all the night feeds when the children were little and went off to work tired, like any new dad who has been up half the night. We are a partnership, a team, friends who treat each other well.

And our children have grown up with that and will continue it, I have no doubt. That is why I tell others that, if they are unhappy in their situation, they have every right to change it. No-one should feel they have to waste their life on someone else. It's too sad for words

SM, if you join forces with Andy, you could get every woman shamed on MN who is living in an unequal partnership. That'll really help them to improve their situation, won't it ?

What's your point?no woman needs to be a doormat,do something about it
Frankly if you skivvy about enabling lazyness you need to take some responsibility
And if you're financially dependent on man that's precarious too

My point is in the delivery, SM. I have said those things repeatedly on this board but manage to do it without looking like a nasty piece of work.

What are you on about?you sound like Phil Mitchell
No one is nasty piece of work

MerryFuckingChristmas

"SM, if you join forces with Andy, you could get every woman shamed on MN who is living in an unequal partnership. That'll really help them to improve their situation, won't it ?"

You obviously didn't read my entire post to the OP and unfortunatly cant now as its been deleted. thanks!

She asked if she had picked two bad ones, I agreed! She obviously has. And there is no excuse for lazyness and the men in her life need to shape up or ship out because no one woman should be expected to carry the lion share of lifes everyday burdens!

Her remarks before this are inflamatory and derogatory of men in general based on her experience of three men. That is what I took offence to and there is far too much of it on the MN relationship board IMO

You were deleted for troll hunting, Andy. No need to thank me.

We are responsible being reflective,self aware if one chose two bad partners
Then one needs to look at expectations,triggers and habitual patterns
Gender Generalisations aren't helpful.not all women give too much not all men are gits

MerryFuckingChristmas
"You were deleted for troll hunting, Andy. No need to thank me."

And as I said, I was NOT troll hunting. I was calling it as i saw it. The OP was clearly posting inflamatory comments, needlessly.
I even posted the definition of what a *** is but you clearly didn't understand that.
All you saw was a member of the opposite sex sticking up for men in general and took offence. What you didn't see is that I agreed with her, in that she shouldn't have to put up with laziness and she shouldn't have to put up with it.

May i suggest that you read thoroughly posts that other people make on here and not have a knee jerk reaction to a man posting comment in a female dominated board.

My mother is a total martyr and it does piss me off, I can't help it.

Every visit we do ends up with me listening to her rant into the wee small hours, often in tears because my DF is a lazy, entitled, scrounger. He doesn't lift a finger, ever. Begrudges her every penny he ever gives her, watches while she does all the decorating despite having a knackered back and generally does sweet FA.

He thinks housework is women's work and doesn't see why he should do it. She totally enables it and works far longer hours than him also.

He told me when I was younger that I would marry a man like him and I made damn sure I didn't.

For as long as some women are socialised into thinking they give,men take nowt will change
So don't enact those roles.i read on here women who swear if they didnt buy their dh clothes he'd be incapable of doing so
Yea?just keep telling yourself that to justify enacting typical wifey role.

Both genders need to not unquestioningly enact gender stereotypes
He can buy clothes,just he will let you do it too

How about a man who won't do any domestic work whatsoever and if you try to "not put up with it" becomes strenuously abusive mainly verbally but sometimes physically too and who absolutely will not leave the family home? You've no money and no where to go and two children under the age of 5, one with SN.

There are some people who do not have a better nature, who will do whatever they want in life and no appeals or shouting or discussion make any difference whatsoever. What can a woman do about not putting up with that?

I dont understand how any woman can have sex with a man who they look after like a child and buy his pants etc.
It would feel weird to me.
My Mum is also a bloody Martyr, Im so glad she didnt pass it down to me but one of my sisters is just like her and has a lazy twunt as a dh.

How about a man who won't do any domestic work whatsoever and if you try to "not put up with it" becomes strenuously abusive mainly verbally but sometimes physically too and who absolutely will not leave the family home? You've no money and no where to go and two children under the age of 5, one with SN.

Solicitor first, to get financial and legal advice. Womens Aid for any other help. Police if he is aggressive.

In that scenario,the woman could go police get crime number,report him,if need be get injunction bar him from the family home
Ask council fir review of carer entitlements
Look into benefits as sole parent /carer
If she thinks it's resolvable,then have a frank won't Do all housework again conversation

I don't understand how someone can meet a man like that, think he's the one for me, marry him, live with him, have children with him and then start to think, ah, maybe he's not the man for me after all.

How do you get into a serious relationship with a man like this? I would run for the hills.

DisappointedHorse that's so sad about your mother.

I guess some people have the money and mental strength to get out of such relationships. Others don't. Others are too busy "getting on with what needs to be done" to really spend time thinking of themselves and what they want.

Hard for you to listen to.

Does make me realise how fortunate I am though. I get fed up being the holiday organiser at times but that's piffle compared to your mum's experience. And I do at least get a holiday out of it.

I hope your mum manages to get a rest soon.

sparklysilversequins...Well put.

But it wasn't well put,it was a dismal scenario all too common fior many
No woman needs to live with physical and verbal abuse,there are options
Not like losing a great ally or confidant since in that scenario he does sweet fa