My dad is having an affair

[Beepwizz]

My parents have been happily married for 36 years. This week I have discovered my dad is 'working away' every other week (he's retired but writing a book). I snooped on his computer and he is meeting a women for sex it seems ( it didn't take more than 2 minutes of history browsing to discover this).

Oh help what do I do? My brother has asked him in an email if he is having an affair... He avoided the question in his reply. Should I wade in with a passive aggressive text ( he is currently 'working away'). I am making myself ill with the stress of the knowledge I have. What's worse ... A bit explosion or turning a blind eye.

What was your excuse for rummaging through his personal email account?

You snooped on his computer. Nice.

Jean... 'Shit happens'...is that really your summary of a spouse of 36 years cheating

I think you'll find I didn't say that. Having to deal with the consequences of nosing through stuff you have no business to be looking at and grasping that not even our parents are perfect, most definitely comes under the category of shit happens.

And I presume you felt it your right to tell your brother straight away too? If it wasn't for the fact they've been married for 36 years, I'd imagine you're very young OP.

yes, I'm sure the situation is very upsetting but that's life, shit happens

What did you mean by that then jean? I thought you were referring to the ops dad having an affair and saying 'shot happens'.

Apologies if I've interpreted you saying 'shit happens' incorrectly.

Haven't read all this, but had similar in a family I know. Decided not to tell, as if DW knew and had decided to live with it, then how would we feel bringing her all the grief of having it out in the open. DH may choose other family and she would be left alone. Non of our business. I think she knows.

why were you snooping on his computer? if you didn't want to know you should not have looked - I think you should MYOB. i would imagine if you confront him you wont like the answer.

I've just explained what I meant, take it or leave it. Other people not meeting your expectations is a fact of life.

Oh- sorry no I miss read it. You meant 'shit happens' with regards to finding out. Yeah- not sure I like the idea if snooping g but she knows now. Case of curiosity killed the cat I guess.

Obviously she hadn't heard of Pandora's box.

Because I wouldn't know her position, I would talk to him first and then decide. But if he was properly cheating and refused to stop, I don't think I could easily cope being with both. Particularly if his work away was ever mentioned.

Cheating could be a big thing. He could give her STIs, for example.

Yes, she's in a very difficult position now. I couldn't live with such a secret.

But the dad has already been asked by the brother. He chose not to answer. So now the OP has to live with herself and hopefully has learned a valuable lesson.

He was asked if he was having an affair, not confronted with the knowledge that he is having one.

Whatever the wording, he knows they're onto him.

Where is the OP?

Trouble is this may be more of 'second family' than affair. Careful what you open OP.

What a horrible awkward situation for you OP. Perhaps you could have a quiet conversation with your Dad about it, see how the land lies? Whether your Mum already knows or not I think it would be humiliating to be told by her child either way.

OP I don't know why some people on here are giving you a hard time. I'm sorry that you have discovered the affair. Try talking to your farther face to face and then go from there. Your mother might know already but if she doesn't then I would tell her. Good luck x

Assuming Mum does not know, or is not turning a blind eye.

He is not shockingly indiscreet, the OP said she snooped on her Dad's computer.

He is shockingly indiscreet if the OP and her brother suspected it.

Actually, OP, does your brother know or just suspects?

^^
If indiscreet requires snooping on a computer, I'd love to know what you think discreet is