The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Walking In A Winter Sober Land!

[Mouseface]

Hello Brave Babes, I'm Mouse :)

Welcome to the 'Bus Of Fun' (now you've come of age!)

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, with a view to quitting or not... it's up to you.

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's in your hands. And only you can make it happen.

Whatever your goal, you'll find support here. Always.

There will be talk of drinking and those who fall off the Bus (arse over tit) will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY thread would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers. :)

That said, this Bus is happy to have you no matter what, as long as you can cope with chat of drinking, nights out/in, failures, cyclical drinkers, etc......

Everyone has always been welcome here and shall remain to be.

No-one is ever turned away. EVER.

There are no hard and fast rules, other than the support here is unconditional, it may be in the form of tough love at times, but it's always meant with the very best of intentions.

There are two sayings that we like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

The rest kind of happens as the posts appear.

I hope that's okay with you all.

You'll find the last thread HERE, THAT WILL LEAD TO THREADS BEFORE IT, SOME HISTORY

And the original and real, truly heartfelt reason that we are here in the first place is HERE. A VERY SOBERING READ

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, honest and will help you to achieve what it is that you seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

See you soon. x

A library on the bus? Why have I never noticed it before?

Thanks for asking all your sparkies about electrics. I slept in the front room last night worries to death about it. Am shattered. Dh has disconnected a different socket in our room which he thinks is on the same circuit and we haven't had a bang all day. if we have a bang free night then it looks like the problem is somewhere between our room and the sitting room.
Between that and dads dementia escalating, its been a tough day.
Waves to all babes and settles into library section.

morning day 4

I have decided that I should write down why I have decided to jump aboard the bus instead of lurking .This is just for me really because even tho I am feeling positive now I know that I will get complacent and I am worried that I will slip back into my old ways.
I have followed this thread since JWN s first post in fact I was probably one of the first people to read it.I have lurked since then and to be fair this bus has helped me think more about how much I am drinking. I have never got past 2 days before as I guess I was still in denial about the damage I was doing to myself.
Fast forward to last Saturday and I was at a family party .We always make an effort and we do mange to scrub up pretty well and looking around the table on Saturday night I was thinking how pretty everyone was looking.
The next day the photos began to appear on Facebook and that was when I got my wakeup call.
I can only describe myself as the fat middle aged bloated drunk .
I was absolutely horrified and disgusted by what I saw. Now I knew that I had been putting on weight but looking at the photos I am no longer just overweight I am obese.
I truly did not recognise myself.
I sat down and tried to work out just how I had got to this stage.
I think it began with the birth of my DTs - and I have an older DD -
I was working full time juggling 3 DCs and my DH was working long hours and I did most of the childcare.
I was absolutely shattered and working in a stressful job and I thought that having a glass of wine in the evenings would help.
I started putting my needs last in fact I stopped recognising that I had any needs and I drank some more .

I have decided that I cant go on like this and I have got to try to put myself first and get myself sorted out.
I will struggle with this as I have been a carer form a young age but I cant go on like this.
Sorry for the essay but I have to get this down and I will keep readin it to inspire me to keep going.

Today I will not be drinking

I had posted this in AIBU, but a kind soul suggested that I post here. I am scared. This is the first time that I have admitted this...

I have been drinking more than I should for over a year now. Generally about half a bottle of wine a night and more that the weekends. I know that this is wrong and want to do something about it, but am always so stressed at the end of the day that I reach for a glass. It has been a really tough year, but most of the pressures have now eased and it is a good time to focus on this.

My DM was an alcoholic and was bi-polar. She committed suicide in a drunken stupor 6 years ago.

I get private health care with work and every 2 years get a full 'health check'. This involves lots of tests, including blood tests and an hour with a GP. They send you a 12 page 'health and lifestyle questionnaire' t complete before your appointment.

I have never mentioned my alcohol intake to a healthcare professional previously, but decided that this was the time to address this and get some help. Even if nothing practical the doctor could do, I felt that just talking about it to someone about this would be a first step.

So, for the first time I was honest on the form about my alcohol intake. I also put on my mums history (previously I had put the bi-polar, but not the alcohol abuse). I also put down 'concerned about my alcohol intake' down as an area I would like to discuss with the GP.

When it got to the GP session, she skipped over that section and then at the end asked if there was anything else I would like to discuss. I pointed out my alcohol intake and my DMs history and said that I was worried that I was now drinking wine every night. The GP said 'you and every mum in Surrey'. I think that your alcohol intake is normal for a busy mum in a stressful job and she basically then moved on and made it impossible for me to raise again (it had taken me so much to raise it the first time).

My blood tests came back and my liver function is fine…I was almost hoping there was something physically wrong so that I could raise this again.

I feel really let down and not sure where to go next….

Good morning sober - good idea to post like that to remind yourself of how you arrived at this point. Sometimes people ask what's the definition of an alcoholic, and one of the things I think is that it's not like a broken leg, it doesn't happen all of a sudden at once, it is a slow unnoticeable slide from the occasional drink to wind down, to the daily drink to 'reward', to the half-bottle habit, to the feeling that one bottle isn't quite enough.....

I have really noticed how over the last few years the options for non-alcoholic drinks have increased massively, especially at this time of year. It's a great time to try some out. I've been 'rewarding' myself for doing the Christmas tasks - completed the cards rewarded with sparkling raspberry lemonade, put up the tree rewarded with warm bottlegreen spiced berry drink, finished the shopping rewarded with gingerbeer and lime.

And every time I hear 'that' music, I find myself singing "walking in a SOBER wonderland" - thanks for that Mouse

Hi there letdown and welcome. You'll find lots of good advice on here from all of us who are / have been in your situation. Some of us (me included) drank more than you did, others on here drank less, and like you recognised a bad habit early on. I doubt that anyone here will minimise what you're feeling, or the seriousness of your concerns.

The approach to alcohol is very odd in UK. It seems to swing from the response that you got - that it's not really a problem - to the other extreme where reports are made to social services. I think that one of the difficulties is that alcohol is such an acceptable 'drug' that as a society we find it difficult to treat it as such, and most problem drinking can be easily ignored until it becomes seriously harmful. Those who don't feel the pull of the drug suggest strategies like cutting down, or having a couple of alcohol free nights each week, without understanding the need for some really helpful tactics to make that possible. Hopefully you'll find that (and maybe more) on this thread.

You'll have to ignore some of the madness that goes on, if that''s not your thing, and personally although I've been here since pretty much the beginning there are some long-running jokes that even I don't get .

The main thing is to have a think about what you want. And to examine your own behaviour a little. What times of day are you most likely to drink? What can help to distract you - eating, knitting, sex, doing onloine jigsaws? Well done for posting - it's a great first step.

thanks, just read through the whole thread.

Sounds like I am not alone.

I have a work do tonight, so had given my self an excuse to start tomorrow, but think i will try and stick to orange juice tonight

Hi, i was a really bad drinker aged 18-20 my mum actually forced me to the doctors as she thought i was an alchoholic, it was getting to the point i was getting shakes for 2 days after i drank if i didnt have anything else. I got into a relationship and cut down of my own accord, i found if i had a night out and got really drunk i wouldnt stop drinking, made right show of myself. I stopped drinking completely when i got pregnant the first time but i always had urges for vodka. Proud of myself tbh that i knew i could control myself.

Now both me and my hubby only drink if we are out on a special occasion or something, i know my own limits but if i go over and get really drunk or even tipsy i do feel bad for days with shakes so i really try not to get drunk.

I dont think i was a full blown alchholic but i did rely on drink too much hen i as young for confidence more than anything i think if i hadnt of cut down id of caused major problems for myself

Hello Babes. New and old. I'm just sitting quietly in the side car. Doing quite bloody well considering the silly season so am delighted in some respects. But I'm staying in the side car for a while. I'm just doing damage control for the next few weeks and am looking forward to driving Gerald again after this is all over and done with. Hope you're all doing ok. I read and check in every single day so please keep posting. Xx

letdown I found that the best way to tackle a night out was to decide before I went exactly what I would ask for to drink (and I'd have a reserve request just in case they didn't have my first choice). If I didn't do that I'd find myself caught in a panic when asked and I'd usually say "oh, a glass of wine please".

The other thing I'd do was rehearse a reason for my choice e.g. "oh I'm really thirsty so I'll start with a big glass of lime and soda" or "I've got a bit of a headache so I think I'll just have an orange juice at the moment".

After I'd had a couple of soft drinks I often found that my desire for wine had diminished, and I wasn't so bothered for the rest of the evening.

Let us know how it goes.

letdown
wise words as usual from Venus. I just wanted to add just because "every mum in Surrey " is drinking too much doesnt mean that its right
good luck tonight

Welcome letdown and soberis and tia well done for being brave and posting. Venus is so right about making plans for what you will drink instead of just 'hoping'

I wondered this too isinde, if the very reason for the dismissive attitude was because the doctor herself drinks a similar level. I must also be cynical!

Welcome letmedown and tia

Hope all other babes are doing ok. We are getting snowed in here!

Hi brave babes
I'm currently not putting any effort into not drinking there's to much going on but I know its short term I will be back I just can not afford the effort/ energy and thought time right now.

Thankyou isinde its hard to get support I was going down housing office in morning I had a support worker I just met today she was ment to go with me but got a call to say its not safe for her shes not allowed

I need out

Waving around bus x

Hi all

Been mega busy getting ready for Christmas. 101 jobs on top of all that, including washing machine breaking down, more storm damage and a trip to a&e!

Anyway, will catch up with all posts when I can. Mouse I luurve the OP, very well put. Hope everyone is ok. Back later x

Sorry for not posting sooner and thank you for the lovely posts.

Think I'm getting through the fug of self loathing a bit now, had a chat with myself about being a better mum and think I'm feeling a bit stronger.

Decided against going to this week's alcohol related events after such a disastrous night on Monday. Have cancelled babysitters and am going to hibernate and wrap my mountain of Christmas presents.

Welcome to the new babes. I am in the sidecar which I have decorated with fairy lights and tinsel.
No af days for quite a while which isn't good. Will be low carbing and going for dry January from Dec 31st so trying not to beat myself up too much before then.

Just checking in to say hi.

ma hope your electrics are ok- can you check those fairy lights please?
faire are you ok? Was is you what went to a&e??

Well done new babes and ancient ones keep posting or lurking,reading the thread can make all the difference between getting a bottle in or just giving it one more evening instead.

psst. I thought there was a library? have i made that up? well,where do we store all the recovery books if we don't have a library? What about all them poems?
ssssshhhhhhh! ssssshhhhhh! see,there is a library!

Day 4 ended phew .Thank God for chocolate
Bring on day 5

Sorry I havent been around. Ive been very depressed. Find this time of year very hard.

As Ive been keeping so much of this secret from my family at home, my sister is getting annoyed I wont Skype with the baby so she can see him. I cant bring myself to tell her that I barely see him myself. And I cant explain it to her. Everything just seems to be a constant, constant state of permanent crisis. Im so tired. And I just cant bare to let another person down.

Day 100 sober.

why so sorry that you are struggling . I have been following your posts .Can you see any light at the end of the tunnel ?

isindie day 5
I have a motto its "I am a mother of twins you cant scare me "
We need to tell that to the WW witch.

I have a dilemma ...DH and I always have a naice lunch just the two of us at Christmas and today is the day.He has booked us somewhere posh where the cocktails and wine flow like water and you can hardly hear yourself think because of champagnes corks popping.
I know I know its not a real problem but I need to develop a strategy for dealing with this.
I will have a think what I am going to do and will post later and let you know how I got on.
Just knowing that I have to report back will keep me on the straight and narrow.
I am so full of boing these days and want to get up and seize the day. DH keeps asking me why I am getting up in the middle of the night...........but its 7am for goodness sake ........half the day has gone
Sending positive thoughts to everyone

Day 3.

I will not drink today

Well done fated and sober and isinde [all the best people hang out in libraries as misunderstood teens. You get an extra point if you used to write self indulgent poetry]

sober try some pomegrante juice first because it's a decent replacement for wine or wait until you have had some of your main meal and think if you really want that drink? Or just have the one and leave it at that.

why I think it's very natural to feel down after what you have been through,a bit like the clean up job after a flood.Just stay with the feeling and give it time.Hey,at least you have feelings not just a dull fuzzy sensation where a real feeling ought to be.It will pass.
Are you able to move back home straight away or is it staggered and increasing contact????
Maybe tell your sister that you are feeling down and that's why there hasn't been much contact via SKYPE. You could always fill in the details later on.
It will be ok and it will all get better with more sobriety.