The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Walking In A Winter Sober Land!

[Mouseface]

Hello Brave Babes, I'm Mouse :)

Welcome to the 'Bus Of Fun' (now you've come of age!)

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, with a view to quitting or not... it's up to you.

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's in your hands. And only you can make it happen.

Whatever your goal, you'll find support here. Always.

There will be talk of drinking and those who fall off the Bus (arse over tit) will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY thread would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers. :)

That said, this Bus is happy to have you no matter what, as long as you can cope with chat of drinking, nights out/in, failures, cyclical drinkers, etc......

Everyone has always been welcome here and shall remain to be.

No-one is ever turned away. EVER.

There are no hard and fast rules, other than the support here is unconditional, it may be in the form of tough love at times, but it's always meant with the very best of intentions.

There are two sayings that we like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

The rest kind of happens as the posts appear.

I hope that's okay with you all.

You'll find the last thread HERE, THAT WILL LEAD TO THREADS BEFORE IT, SOME HISTORY

And the original and real, truly heartfelt reason that we are here in the first place is HERE. A VERY SOBERING READ

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, honest and will help you to achieve what it is that you seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

See you soon. x

why would it be so bad to tell your sis what's going on? Maybe not everything, but she could be a wonderful support if she understands... and if she isn't then you haven't lost anything.

sober in your place, I would promise myself I could have a drink AFTER the main course had arrived. Start with a cold drink or mocktail... and very often found that the slight delay 'broke' the habit enough to make me not actually want anything after that. The thought that I could have a drink if I wanted it also made me less desperate/defiant.

lots of great suggestions will take these with me this afternoon.
Sober sex??? Now that is friggin scary

at sober

BTW this is a modern library, we do not shush people (unless they are singing too loudly at the back, ma)

roganoglasgow.com

Can you see my problem ? Getting ready will report later

What problem? I see lots of lovely fish and seafood.

Do you mean the offer of a free glass of wine? I'm sure they mean 'or non-alcohlic alternative' I think it's illegal to insist your free glass HAS to be wine.

It's beautiful sober. What are you going to wear? Imagines some beautiful 1930's outfits to go with restaurant.

Good luck whatever you decide- do report back.

lol at joey and keep going to isinde

HI Everyone, I thought I'd pop on and say hello..... in a couple of weeks I may move on to the DRY thread, which I suspect is really the place for me but right now I'd like to grab a seat on this bus if that's OK. Or at least hang on to the pole if it's a Routemaster.

I was always prone to "one too many" as early as my teens, then progressed via a couple of rather boozy relationships and a lot of parties, to almost daily home alone drinking in my 30s, which got worse in my 40s. I was abstinent for just under 18 months and then last Christmas had a glass of wine. A few months later I'd started drinking socially in an amazingly ladylike way but then started drinking alone again, to excess after having my elderly, ill cat put to sleep; it was the only thing (other than time) that could blur the terrible pain and guilt in the slightest. Over the next few weeks I yo-yo'd in and out of abstinence as my beloved cousin died, something unpleasant (and self-inflicted) from the past came back to bite me on the bum and my surviving cat became very sick and weak and had to be put to sleep. Realising I was getting myself into an even worse place I stopped drinking again and was totally abstinent for a couple of months. Then I had one glass of wine at a party two weeks ago. Then got angry about a family situation and polished off a bottle and a half on my own. And the same thing happened a couple of days ago. I didn't even ENJOY that lonely drinking, beyond the pleasant warmth of the first glass, it was as if I'd turned into some mindless glugging robot.

I'm spending Christmas with my sister & her family (the part of my family that I get on with not the ones I was angry about) and I can't wait to see them. They drink a fair amount but would be supportive of my not drinking. Also my 17 y.o. nephew doesn't drink at all.

Thing is, I'm sick of being "good". Sick, sick, sick of it. Certain family members tell me how well I'm doing and how good I'm being and if they knew about my recent slips they'd say "well that was stupid of you". I hate that I can only be an abstinent saint or a stupid lush, that there's no inbetween. I was at a wedding with them in the summer and getting through it was a nightmare, sit down meal with strangers and all, without a drink.

I want to not be good at Christmas. I want to have a drink with my family (these ones, while supportive of my not drinking, won't tell me off if I do have a drink) and not think about abstinence, alcoholism and all. I want not to feel different. But I don't want to do the horrible robotic home alone thing again.

Apologies for the essay, I just feel the need to get it all out here.

buns you're very welcome here whether you are completely stopped, or not. It's interesting how just having one drink take you not so gradually back into full scale drinking. That has been my experience too. So today I pretty much don't drink at all.

iisindie mentioned non-alcoholic drinks - today I had Tropicana apple and raspberry juice with a tot of Belvoir ginger cordial, topped up with soda. It was so so so much better than the cheap white wine that my pals were drinking. Then there was shopping to be done. My friends went off with their shoulders slumped, feeling groggy and looking as if all inspiration had deserted them. Oh how many years I spend far too much on presents because I was in that state, and bought the first thing I saw.

Keep on keeping on Babes. It can be a tough time of year, and it can also be a time for a big slap on the face - this could be the year you change your life.

Still 12 days left to make that change

And even if you've decided to drink at Christmas you can still have at least 10 out of the last 12 days sober. Go on, end the year well x

Thanks Venusandmars this thread's a good place to be

I know what you mean about alcohol at lunchtime. I actually don't feel tempted to drink at lunchtime any more at all, unless it's a very formal occasion such as the wedding I had to go to, where a drink would have taken the edge of my shyness and made socialising easier. I had lunch with some ex colleagues the other day and stuck to diet coke and so appreciated the fact I still had a clear head and energy for the afternoon while they were heading for mild late-afternoon hangovers.

I failed. Found out that there was a surprise presentation to me for some stuff at work. Should have been lovely (and the large bunch of flowers was), but spooked me into a large glass of wine.

Already have a glass of red in front of me and feel absolutely awful about it...

Im back I ordered a large bottle of fizzy water on arrival and I then shared a bottle of wine with DH.
I then had a glass of champagne and left to do some Christmas shopping.
To paraphrase Denise Welch I left the bar without promising to go on holiday with complete strangers
Feeling good .
Back on the bus tomorrow

Hi, still not managed to catch up with you lovely lot but will keep reading

Just wanted to reassure ma that I'm fine. It was not me at a&e, it was ds (cracked his head) but he is fine too

Back to the wrapping - will catch up soon x

"Letdown" you have not failed.
Stumbling is a method of moving forward.

Tiptoes into library, avoiding scary librarian, and sets our chairs for this weekends concert.

Tickets are on sale at the front of the bus. All proceeds to the Salvation Army Christmas fund

Oh Indie thank you so much.
Let me tell you about Richard - (newbies scroll back to threads posted in May when my brother was dying).
He has his own little flat now and is out of the main hostel. He still has support but is living fairly indepentently. He has been sober for 6 months. He has bought a teeny wee Christmas tree in a pot, carefully arranged his gifts under it, and put up fairy lights. He is studying for a psychology degree and has just passed his first stage mediation training for addicts.he will spend Christmas day cooking lunch at the hostel for the residents, then opening his presents. Sober.
He bought my other brother a bottle of wine for Christmas, a good vintage. This means he went into a shop, bought it, wrapped it, kept it in his flat, then gave it away.
6 months ago he was a stinking, unshaven wreck waiting for the corner shop to open so he could buy cheap booze first thing in the morning. He shook so much he could hardly walk. He didn't know his own name. He was dying.
This demented family have much to be joyous about this Christmas and the Salvation Army are the reason for it. They step in where everyone else has given up.

Hi Isinde. Yeah, I'm pretty much shot. If I could fill you all in in matters that have been going on for a while, it would take forever. Living situation is a nightmare again. Even though I had a legal victory and the case transferred, there are still so many problems remaining. The court said that even though I can spend time with my husband, I can't spent time with my husband and child together. (???)

My sister would be so upset if I told her all this (and right before Christmas to boot). She would be hurt that I didn't tell her in the first place. Anyway, now she is upset that I can't skype and show her the baby. So I just have to be the bad guy again.

I'm so tired of it all. Separate from my son and homeless. I'm exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically. I see my social worker tomorrow. I'm worried that if I tell her how depressed I am, she will put me in a mental institution (which is how they deal with depressed people at Social Services here) and set my reunion with my son back. But to be honest, I almost don't trust myself not to do harm to myself. Maybe, I'm just so lonely from doing it all on my own.

I often hear people talking about how when they were drinking, they would sometimes pray to just not wake up in the morning. When I can get to sleep, I think, 'wouldn't it be better if this was the final day I ever had to do. And tomorrow I wouldn't have to disappoint another person or myself'.

Happy f'ing Christmas to one and all.

ma I am in awe of your brother and what he has achieved. That is just incredible, fantastic, amazing. What a wonderful Christmas you will all have.

And, by the way, a huge well done also to you and your family for helping him to get where he is today. It couldn't have been done without you.

Just checking in for as long as demon ds allows me...

ma I love news about Richard. Thank you for sharing,every time I hear someone saying how hopeless addiction is I think- well,no actually there is always another chance as long as long as you don't give up on people. Happy Christmas to all the demented xx

why That is really awful and you will be in my thoughts today,happy to light a candle /say a prayer/ walk windershins (sp) round said candle under moonlight- whatever your bag is.
Don't let the bastards get you down,you haven't come this far to be wiped out by sodding paperwork. Just breathe,pray (meditate whateves) and rest. No one is asking anything else of you today.It will pass. I think you have run out of everything now and I'm not surprised.

This is a list of dull things which may help a little:

a walk in fresh air,
cake,
read a library book,
go to church,temple,mosque- all of them one after another,
spend money on something for you,
paint,
call a friend /sponsor
run
swim
watch crap tv
cinema
gratitude lists every day

One step at a time. We all have hope for you. x

sober love the Denise Walsh quote. Had many a night like that too

Just checking in. Big wave to one and all.
Been so busy and back in the sidecar but OK.
Will read back when I have time and hopefully be ready to take on the WW again soon. Love to all.

Morning babes, good to see you rural

Why I wish I knew what to say, you have been so incredibly brave and determined. It is no wonder all you resources are depleted. isinde and guggs have some great ideas, please lean on us if we can be any use. Love and strength to you babe x

Ma Richard's story is really one of inspiration. It is amazing to think of a life turned around like that. Am sure the support of his family was a huge value to him too. I also emptied my purse to a Salvation Army man at the grocery store yesterday (not as generous as isinde, just the change I had) but just wanted to say how far their work reaches. My grandmother spent time in one of their orphanages as a child so a special charity to me too.

Venus your words yesterday - even if you are drinking over Christmas, it doesn't have to be every night - rang a bell for me. Nothing I didn't know but I think my warped brain had sort of decided that as I had drunk some nights and this is December then that I would obviously drink every night until Jan. Thanks to reading that, I didn't drink last night and feel good this morning.

Just shows how everyone's posts matter to someone reading.

Love to all. Xxx