Women watching porn

[OhGodAmITheOnlyOne]

I've name changed and also posted about this in chat, but thought I might get better response here. This is 100% genuine. I occasionally look at porn or read erotic stories because it gets me in the mood. I don't know if DH knows, but I was wondering if it's common, if many women do? Or am I an awful person?

I am discerning in my selection, Vivacia. I make ethical purchasing decisions with my food and clothing too.

I hope you forgive me repeating the question Higgle but I feel neither you nor Joy are answering the question. How do you discern porn which is of fully consenting participants and porn which exploits them? And am I right in thinking that's how you'd describe "good porn"?

Sorry Vivacia, meant 'posts' not threads :)

Yep, good porn needs to be where those partaking want to and benefit from it. We Skype

We Skype

Isn't that more like interactive live web chat, rather than porn? Who do you skype with?

*I think you left out the majority porn consumer group there SGB.

The ones who actually don't give a shit how it's produced, as long as they get their orgasms for free.*

Just like the ones who don't give a shit how the t-shirt was produced, as long as they can buy it for £2, or how the animal was raised, as long as it is sold bogof.

How do you feel about the people who are in such videos or images without their consent higgle?

I can give my answer to that. Where video has been taken secretly, without the woman's knowledge, then that is disgusting and I would never watch it. Secret filming is easy to identify.
If it was taken with the woman's consent, but posted without it, then I really do think that the woman needs to take some responsibility for herself. Of course it is unacceptable and an abuse of trust, but it is also completely avoidable. As long as she was consenting at the time, then I cannot tell the difference and it is HER responsibility to manage videos of herself, not mine. If the woman regrets her own actions some time later, then she has to accept that it is impossible to roll back time.

Yes I do enjoy porn. There are female and ethical producers out there, and I do enjoy a lot of amateur stuff. I can only use my own judgement on whether the people involved are there through choice, but it is usually pretty obvious when people are just going through the motions - that is what you get in much of the professional stuff (ethical excluded)
There are sites where couples upload their own stuff and you can talk to both people, so there is clear consent.

The problem with the anti porn argument, is the insistence that all porn is evil and exploitative, when it quite clearly isn't. Some is, there is no doubt on that, and action needs to be taken to prevent that, but there will always be a market for porn and there will always be people willing to do it without any abuse or coercion.

If it was taken with the woman's consent, but posted without it, then I really do think that the woman needs to take some responsibility for herself. Of course it is unacceptable and an abuse of trust, but it is also completely avoidable. As long as she was consenting at the time, then I cannot tell the difference and it is HER responsibility to manage videos of herself, not mine.

I know the question wasn't directed at you MostWicked but I am grateful that you (that someone!) answered. The answer to my question appears to be that you can't tell "good porn" apart from "bad porn", but if what you think is good porn turns out to be bad porn, it's the woman's fault anyway.

So. People who have what they thought were private videos taken just for that couple's viewing pleasure, have only themselves to blame if it ends up streamed to any comer on the internet

Allrighty then

Pinochio was a victim blamer. Just about sums it up.

If you don't want to endorse an industry where …

• New workers may be subjected to abusive behaviours simply because that is expected
• The risk of physical injury is extremely high
• Many of the workers are prone to alcoholism or drug abuse
• Pay is infrequent and determined by factors beyond the worker's control

Then you shouldn't … eat fish. (Seriously, try watching Deadliest Catch sometime). Of course porn is abusive and exploitative (and not uniquely exploitative of women; men are exploited too. Remember there's gay porn, as well). Of course the vast majority of it is an ethical disgrace. And although I do watch it sometimes, I think the world would be a better place. But it's not alone in those vices, and those who get on their high horses about people who watch it should make certain their own shopping basket is completely ethical. And certainly never eat crab meat.

and those who get on their high horses about people who watch it should ... ...shut up going on about it?

Young vulnerable men are abused in gay porn, so I avoid it too obviously.

High horse? Because there are those of us who do not want to see videos of people who could be abused or even raped in them? Wtf.

People need to wear clothes and eat food. They don't sit and wank to videos of factory workers working themselves nearly to death.

No one needs porn videos. I still have urges but then I think of all the young women and men I have seen exploited and some probably raped and I get really turned off. No more of that for me.

Call it what you want to, but it's how we know what we later watch is ok. It forms contacts of strangers and they share what they want to. Some like to watch, others like to be watched.

I fully appreciate that sexual conduct is down to personal tastes. Some don't like porn, or dressing up, or toys or may even see lustful sex as somehow wrong and only sex as an expression of love as acceptable. That's all up to each of you to set your own boundaries and nobody can tell you otherwise. I'm certainly not here to try and convert or convince, or tell you you are wrong in what you consider to be right for you. Our sex life has continued to evolve over the years and what we liked in previous years might not suit us now, what we like now may not suit in subsequent years. As I said before, I have my own codes of conduct and am careful to try and ensure I meet my own standards of ethics, even if I draw the line in different places to the rest of you. I'm certainly not commenting on anyone else's choices and have a very happy and satisfying sex life after nearly 20 years of monogamy because we still are excited by being together. I find it terribly sad that there is a general consensus in life (both on this forum and in real life) that after being together for a while, it's inevitable for the sex to be less exciting and fun. I can't say we've found that ourselves. I'm not saying that's entirely down to the porn, because that's only a small part of our intimate lives as variety is the key. Can't beat sex as an expression of love but that's not all there is to it for us and lust for each other is very important to us too.

As I don't want to derail this thread I'll bow out. There is very little in life that 100% of people will agree on 100% of the time and I've nothing left to add now.

Take care everyone and enjoy your partners and showing your partners that you enjoy them in whatever way you chose to do that ;)

I have been with my husband for over 20 years. Our sex life is still fun and exciting without porn as an integral part of it. I resent it when people hint otherwise, or decide that just because they use porn/swing/go dogging/whatever then anyone that doesn't isn't having sex as often or as brilliantly as they are.

No-one is claiming that porn is the only industry that exploits its workers, but for many people unethical provenance isn't the only objection to porn. Exposing minors to Primark jumpers or Crabmeat is not classified as child abuse, whereas quite rightly exposing them to porn is. I've yet to see a thread on here from a woman whose partner preferred cut flowers to having sex with her who stayed up late caressing tulips, or whose addiction to manicures caused him to want to re-enact sexual violence or caused erectile dysfunction when an attempt was made to practise real-life sex with a partner. Nor have I ever heard of anyone who actively sought out unethically produced goods because the very fact that blood, sweat and tears went into making them made the products more appealing.

Provenance isn't the only issue.

No, we're not. There's no evidence to suggest men and women are any different either in their involuntary responses to sexual stimulation. I have no problem admitting that if I watched internet porn I would find some of it arousing. That's what it's meant to do and no-one can help their involuntary reactions. But I choose to get that stimulation elsewhere.

I know the question wasn't directed at you MostWicked but I am grateful that you (that someone!) answered. The answer to my question appears to be that you can't tell "good porn" apart from "bad porn", but if what you think is good porn turns out to be bad porn, it's the woman's fault anyway.

Nicely twisted.

Maybe it would help if we more clearly defined "good porn"
For me, it is well filmed - reasonable quality, appropriate lighting, no shaky video and decent perspective. I don't like them when they are just focussed on the genitals. The most important thing for me is that I like to see a real sense of passion and pleasure. That they are doing things to eat other that turn them on. No fake story lines or noises. Amateur tends to have better, more realistic angles, rather than the display angles you get in professional shoots.

"Bad porn" could be described in numerous ways but would include any indication that everyone involved, wasn't enjoying it.

So if a couple, as part of their consensual and pleasurable sex life, decide to video themselves having sex, and share that video, there's a good chance that would be something I would enjoy watching.

If sometime later, someone in the video, decides that they no longer wish that video to be available, then there is not a lot they can do about it. You can't undo actions. If you choose to strip off in public, then you can't complain that people will take photos, and you can't withdraw your consent after the event. With a video, that doesn't suddenly switch from being good porn to bad porn, it's still good, because what I am seeing as a viewer, is consensual. What I am watching, is not a video of someone being abused. I cannot possibly know if they regret taking part at a later date.

If it was shared without permission of all involved then there is a breach of trust, but I honestly do think that we all have a responsibility for ourselves. If you never make a porn video, it can never be shared. If it does get shared, it is not your fault, but you do have some responsibility for the outcome. It's a bit like leaving your car door unlocked. It's not your fault if it gets stolen, the fault lies with the thief, but you are expected to take sensible precautions to protect yourself.

People need to wear clothes and eat food. They don't sit and wank to videos of factory workers working themselves nearly to death.

People don't need clothes and food, in the quantity and at the cost that they choose to buy them. Maybe it would be a bit more honest if they did watch videos of the factory workers, working themselves nearly to death, because that is the reality for many retailers, but it is easier to block that out and justify that you NEED that extra top and jeans.

And I don't think anyone has said they need porn. It is a pleasure, like chocolate, and like the difference between good, ethically produced chocolate, where the workers are not exploited, and cheap chocolate, where the cocoa plantation workers are exploited, consumers can make a choice as to what they want.

There are many people, men and women, who are not exploited or abused, who simply enjoy sex, participating, watching or being watched. When they film it, I like it.

The question was does anyone else watch porn.

Stating the reasons why you don't seems a reasonable place to start.

That poor woman whose images were put on the internet without her consent was enjoying herself (at the time of filming). Her pleasure wasn't fake.

It's still not "good" porn though, is it.

It's a bit like leaving your car door unlocked. It's not your fault if it gets stolen, the fault lies with the thief, but you are expected to take sensible precautions to protect yourself.

That's from the "if you walk down a dark alley wearing a short skirt after having a few bevvies, don't be surprised if you get raped" school of thought.

Sorry if you feel I was biting your head off.

I don't feel that attitude is standard among my generation or women younger than me. Surely everyone knows that women love sex? I don't know any women who go on about balloons, flowers/romance instead of a shag!