Women watching porn

[OhGodAmITheOnlyOne]

I've name changed and also posted about this in chat, but thought I might get better response here. This is 100% genuine. I occasionally look at porn or read erotic stories because it gets me in the mood. I don't know if DH knows, but I was wondering if it's common, if many women do? Or am I an awful person?

[Vivacia]

I just plucked the 15% out of the air. I suspect it's much higher. But two of us at least are curious, what proportion are you ok with? What did you think of the documentaries mentioned above?

[Neitheronethingortheother]

I find it has a negative effect on my relationship. I enjoy it at the time and would watch it with my partner but gave it up as long term i felt it was detracting from our relationship both emotionally and sexually.

[Leavenheath]

If I thought there was a problem then I'd not support it given my own history.

Glad to hear you'll be withdrawing your support for it then, because now you know there definitely are abusive practices and there's no way of discerning whether there aren't, you and 'hubby' will be stopping eh?

Goes back to my original post. There's so much info out there now there are no excuses for making uninformed choices or for living in a bubble of denial. Whether you could care less about those faceless women is one thing, but it's impossible now to pretend that some of them haven't suffered horrendous physical and emotional abuse in order to bring in big bucks for the porn men - and you and your Nigel your free orgasm.

[aaaaaaa]

joysmum i don't think anyone is doubting that the porn industry is largely abusive and exploitative

[beachside]

Erm, aren't all female performers in porn exploited?

Do some do it voluntarily?

Ok, I'm mocking - gently - but as Ms Gold Brass points out, is one sure ythat ones consumables are all made in a safe, non exploitative ways? One can't be sure, so by taking this sweeping, ''all porn is bad'' view, it's not really targeting the areas of porn where women are exploited.

[Vivacia]

I'm not clear what your point is beachside perhaps you are putting it too gently?

I for one am not saying that "all porn is bad". However, the evidence I've read and watched about the damage done to female actors, male actors, male viewers, female viewers, and society's attitude towards sex and women in general means I struggle to think how I'd be able to categorise something as "good porn".
The nearest I can get is homemade, consensual sex between a trusting couple - however, how can you be certain that the sharing of the footage is consensual? With respect, I think it a bit rich that joysmum is currently participating on a thread about such a situation after stating here that she contributes to the problem in the first place.

[Meerka]

Theres quite a nice site, Literotica (google it) which has a wide variety of written porn. Variable in quality ofc, since it's all amateur, but some stories can be really quite good. Some are so good that you skip the sex and just read for the story, which is probably missing the whole point =)

[Thants]

I do but I've decided to stop watching porn as so much of it is coerced victims not people enjoying sex together. There is feminist porn online that I would recommend seeking out.
Erotic lit I've read some and am fine morally with it no guilt for me! Maybe I'll buy some more.

[turbochildren]

this is an interesting thread given that I just read one where the op's husband had put films of her online without her consent. (I have no proof, but am suspecting my ex has done the same.) My issue is the same that has been raised by many; why "use" something that may well be abuse? Am also aware that there is ethically produced porn, and have no problem with that. Nothing shameful about sex or sexual urges.
SGB, your post is correct, but a straw man, any discussion would be closed down by pulling that trick.

[SolidGoldBrass]

The thing is, the more people seek out and pay for ethically produced porn, the more the demand for it grows, which helps improve the working conditions across the board. Same as with coffee, bananas, clothing, etc. Banning a product which a lot of people want makes the situation for the workers worse, not better. If you want ethically-produced porn seek out stuff by Anna Span, Petra Joy or Erika Lust.
Fiction recommendations - You'll get a good selection here. I'm going to recommend this collection for Christmas. Because I wrote one of the stories can.
Recommended authors: Kay Jaybee, KD Grace, Elizabeth Coldwell, Lexie Bay.

Oh and if you want something that's totally the antithesis of 50 Shades, you can try Black Heart, of course.

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

Op, you might want to have a look at the thread where a woman having sex with her partner has been posted around a few of these "adults fully consenting sites"

Except she didn't consent and I reckon it is more common than we might think

I'll take my orgasm away from places where there is a good chance the participants have been hoodwinked, coerced or otherwise abused, thanks very much

[maleview70]

It's the rise in amatuer porn that is astonishing. Obviously some of it won't be amatuer and will be filmed to look that way but alot of it is. Having read the other thread on here about someone being filmed by the husband and then he posting it online, clearly there is alot of this going on. So how many of the women online actually know they are online? It is not really something that you would find in most cases so would probably never know. There is definately a lesson there about allowing yourself to be filmed even if you trust the person you are with.

The comment about women not talking about porn use in RL was also interesting. It's completely the opposite with men. Men talk about porn regularly and actually make recommendations of sites to view! I've been sat there whilst they have done this.

I don't know any men that haven't viewed porn at least once in their life. I used to use it loads and was exposed to it from the age of around 10. It was then in my life on and off for 20 odd years and I never really thought about the implications. I would say that it did play a part in my relationships to the point where intimacy suffered and I wish I had never been exposed to it at all becuse I don't think it has added much to my life. It has made me compare real life people though and I have been disappointed with their efforts sexually. Is it porn that made me feel this way? Probably.

I don't bother with it at all now.

[cannotfuckingbelievethis]

There's nothing like finding yourself online as the "star" of one of these videos to put you off fucking porn for life, I can tell you that much for nothing.

[Leavenheath]

I posted on this thread about the exploitation issues in amateur porn before that other thread appeared on the board, so that woman's experience is really not unusual.

As for its rise in popularity, the main reason I suspect is it's free at the point of use and a secondary reason is that the sort of boneheads who watch it think that 'professionally produced' (arf) porn is fake, so they want to see what they think is the real deal. There might be a smaller proportion who kid themselves that amateur stuff is more 'ethical' and it salves their conscience a bit, but I would have thought the ethics issue is far less important than the 'free and real' motives. In any case, just like the delusion that all porn is fake and a trick of the camera, people are cottoning on now to equally false bargain that all amateur porn is ethical and consensual.

There is just no evidence to support the fond belief that increased demand for ethical porn will improve supplier or consumer behaviours. While the unethical and nasty stuff remains free to consumers and they don't have to suffer others' disapproval of (for example) wearing a sweatshop jumper, a fur coat or real-hair extensions, ethical porn will remain a minority interest. Using porn is like wearing an invisible shirt. There is also no evidence at all that banning unethically produced porn would make it more unsafe for workers. It's never been tried, is unlikely ever to happen and so we cannot know that.

[maleview70]

It's not just the fact that it is free, it's available.

On phones and iPads now you are a few clicks away from as much porn as you like.

In my younger days you had to make a decision to go into a shop to buy a top shelf magazine! Needless to say not many did....

[enlightenmequick]

feminist porn?

[higgle]

No name change - I'm happy to say I enjoy watching some porn - real couples "readers wives" style. Erotic fiction is interesting too.

[Vivacia]

How do you feel about the people who are in such videos or images without their consent higgle?

[Joysmum]

Many woman say marriage is potentially abussive too. I choose carefully.

Just like other things in life, the fact that others aren't so discerning in their choices and short on morality, doesn't mean I'm going avoid everything. I live by my own morals and am perfectly happy with the choices I make.

I'm also not vegan because there is battery farming
I will eat veggies despite use of chemicals and genetic engineering
I wear clothes despite third world countries having sweat shops
I had a child despite the world being a dangerous and cruel place


I do all of these things but not indiscriminately. I make choices, I have boundaries of acceptability and live by them.

[Vivacia]

Joy I'll assume that you're not going to answer the earlier question a couple of us asked.

Interested in your thoughts just now. What advice do you have for readers about choosing carefully?

[Thisisaghostlyeuphemism]

When I was young in the mid 80s, I helped out in a shop that had an 'adult section' - videos - at the back.

I always found the regular customers/users nice enough but they all had 'issues'. We called them losers.

Thirty years later, porn is widespread but my opinion on regular users hasn't changed.

[Joysmum]

Vivacia, you touched on how we choose in one of your own threads. Provenience is the key. As I said before, I make my choices carefully based on that.

[Thisisaghostlyeuphemism]

Maleview - good to read your point of view - "I don't bother with it anymore now"

It's interesting because when a woman posts that her dh/dp doesn't watch porn she is often told that he is lying to her, all men watch it, etc, etc.

[thisismyYuleTimenickname]

higgle - but how do you know if the "reader's wife" is consenting? That's the problem. We're having a poster whose husband made her one without her knowledge, on this board right now.

I don't want to watch other people being abused, and the chance is very high when it comes to porn, so I refrain from watching it now. You never know who that person is, how they ended up in that situation and how they're feeling. Not to mention how misogynist the industry is. Any professional porn is just filmed prostitution for men.

[Vivacia]

you touched on how we choose in one of your own threads I'm not sure what thread you are referring to.

Provenience is the key. As I said before, I make my choices carefully based on that What are you looking for and how do you discern that it meets your criteria? For example, do you look for porn with fully consenting participants?