Is it unsustainable to be the perfect wife?

[flummoxedbanana]

A friend commented today that I need to stop the 'perfect wife act' at some point. I'd never thoughtof it being an act, though perhaps it's quite old-fashioned.

I do literally everything for the children. Dh has never been woken or dealt with them at night, I organise and do absolutely everything for them. I do all the cooking and housework, including jobs like putting the bins out, cleaning pets out, going to the tip etc. I do all food shopping, buy all presents, send relevant cards to his family members. I buy his favourite things and stock the fridge with beer for his days off. I make the effort sexually to send flirty messages and pictures, dress up, take charge etc. I take an interest and support him in his career. I encourage him to go out with friends, I don't lecture him or anything.

I don't feel obliged to do these things. I love him, enjoy my life and am the sort of person that gets most enjoyment from making others happy. Is it unsustainable to remain this way do you think?

The pp however

Good grief! Ashamed if your wife changed a light bulb.
It's hardly fucking rocket science

wtf did I just read???

It's dead easy unless sometimes it can be a little awkward if it hasn't been changed for a while. But anyway, my wife never needs to do it and never will while I'm there.

Do you change the light bulbs? Or find out what is wrong if there is a power failure or whatever, and change a fuse if required?
Would you put up a shelf if it was needed?
Would you buy a 20kg bag of bird seed and carry it to the car then get it out of the boot and put it in the garage when you got home?
Would you clear the drains with rods from the trap outside if they got blocked?
Would you climb up ladders and cut off branches from a tree that was getting out of control?
Would you carry heavy suitcases or bags?
Do you wash the windows outside even if it involves going up a ladder?

What is really interesting about those jobs, and true of all of the fucking 'blue jobs' is that they are specific and infrequent. Unlike cooking, cleaning, tidying, getting up with children, laundry, bathing children, drop off and pick ups which happen every day or every week. Ladies, we got screwed, and not in a Scooby Doo type of way.

I'm sure your wife does care about you, even if you have some very odd ideas, not dressing up as a French maid doesn't mean she doesn't, I infer she wants to have sex that she enjoys...

OP you're happy, good for you. I disagree with pp that by asking there is an implication you're not because I think that reevaluation (in your case maybe reaffirmation) is just as important when things are going well as when they are not.

Nothing is forever, you may feel differently about what you do in the future and it sounds like your husband knows how much you commit to the family and will be the first to support you.

Great post from sixth above, very true and great to hear the other side!

I say good luck to you and be proud of yourself.

MrsT you are very right about the infrequency!

I've not read through all the responses OP but I would like to ask you one thing:

Are you happy - truly happy with your husband/father of your child/children?

Hear hear mrs terry

Ill trade a 50/50 share of night wakings, nappies and cleaning for a 50/50 of light bulbs, shelves and lugging heavy things.

And then we can talk about sexy clothes

I actually feel bad for your OH, being such a passenger in his own life. He seemingly does literally nothing.

I infer she wants to have sex that she enjoys...
Your inference is wrong. She has no interest in sex at all. But anyway, makes no difference. I'd never want any woman to carry anything heavy or go up ladders if it's at all awkward, or change a light fittings (not just the bulb). I'd feel like a wimp if I let her do things like that. I'd think most men feel like that surely?

Most men would feel that.

Because, sadly, most men are still mysoginistic wankers.

And many women are cold hearted bitches.

No sex is the sex that she enjoys... (I rather thought it might be).

My husband would think I was a wimp if I couldn't climb a ladder or change light fittings... (So would I).

I'd never want any woman to carry anything heavy or go up ladders if it's at all awkward, or change a light fittings (not just the bulb)

Why?

Genuine question.

Please explain to me whether it's my vagina or my breasts which prevent me from climbing a ladder etc. I work on a building site and I do all of the things you've mentioned and much, much more. Is my uterus going to fall out onto my steel toe-capped boots any day now? Or are you just a pathetic gender essentialist arsehole?

And many women are cold hearted bitches

So?

And many women are cold hearted bitches. I can't imagine why your wife wouldn't be interested in you. You seem so nice

I don't think that most men are misogynist wankers or that many women are cold-hearted bitches. Who are y'all hanging out with?

Is there a point to that statement or were you just helping us poor ickle women drive home the point of inherent misogyny?

Cause, you know, women can't drive.

And many women are cold hearted bitches

Hehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehheehehehehehehehehehheheheheh
hehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehheheheheheheh

twinkle sadly, I do think there's rampant misogyny in today's society.

"(I rather thought it might be)".

Why? It makes no difference. Never did.

Tinmug - if you actually wanted to do all the heavy jobs, well, that's fine! I wouldn't keep you back from enjoying yourself. You could get on with some heavy digging later too.
I'd happily get on with reading a book or working with Adobe photoshop at the computer.

Or have a go at baking a nice cake

You seem so nice

And waltermitty missus sounds just wonderful!

Flumox ...are you a Surrendered Wife per chance ?