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Original poster

Aargh have I blown it by having sex on first date?

655 replies

Laurel1979 · 09/12/2013 19:11

I would really appreciate some impartial advice......

I've been single for 6 years and have an 8 year old DD. I met a lovely guy online recently and after texting for 2 weeks we arranged to go out for a meal. He's the same age as me but has no DC. We had chatted a lot on the phone before meeting and we seemed to have a lot in common, etc. There was a lot of sexual chemistry on the phone, but we agreed we both liked each other and on the first date would only kiss. We went out at the weekend there and immediately hit it off. I really like him and had a good feeling about him straight away. But...... after dinner he left me home and we ended up having sex (it was amazing sorry TMI... but definitely not typical awkward first sex). In the middle of it we both said we shouldn't be doing this but in the end couldn't keep our hands off each other. Wen he left he texted me saying what a great night he had, and yesterday he texted 3 times, just things like "good morning xx" etc.

But today - I've had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach all day, worrying he'll think I was too easy and that we've blown it - then tonight he texted apologising for what happened, said it was fantastic but not like him at all and he didn't want "anything too heavy too quick." I texted back agreeing and said I knew we shouldn't have done it so soon, and that I hoped we hadn't ruined things. He replied no, but just didn't want anything too heavy. I jokingly texted back that we should start again and next time meet somewhere neutral and have kiss on cheek only, he agreed. Prior to meeting we had talked about going to Christmas market some day, so I suggested that we do that this weekend (he'd asked me last week about it but until today I hadn't been able to get a babysitter). S he texted back, saying he would like to but "needs to get out of a sport thing" he has on Sunday but he would definitely know on Thursday. I said no problem just let me know, he said he will. I'd say this is genuine as he is in the local sports club where he lives and helps run events.

Sorry this is so long but I'd be so grateful for your opinions as to whether I've ruined things!! Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:
kevinsmum · 14/12/2013 12:21

Ah the vultures are still circling Wink. I never said anything about a common agenda - I said you have your own agendas. And those are not Laurel's and nothing to do with hers. All I did was highlight the torrent of negativity she received supposedly based on all the positive things she said herself. And now you immediately resort to abusing me - I have 'no life of my own' . It must be very painful to be so full of bile and actually quite sad. Now - where did I put that Take a Break?

waltermittymissus · 14/12/2013 12:22

I have an agenda.

I want to rid the world of misuse of question marks in internet posts...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/12/2013 12:37

kevinsmum... You're the one calling everybody but those sharing your opinion 'harpies' - now 'vultures'. Nobody has called you anything. You sound, dare I say it - 'mannish'.

Plumbingtrouble · 14/12/2013 13:04

Any update Laurel?

lookatmybutt · 14/12/2013 13:46

kevinsmum - you're just plain wrong about this man-hating agenda business. Are you an MRA? It sounds like it.

I'm also a member of a forum where most of the posters are male. Many guys have posted similar situations to the OPs where their awesome date has suddenly gone cold on them and they don't know what to do.

You know what sort of advice they receive from the other men? Exactly the same as what the OP received here

To the OP, it's highly unlikely that sleeping with him on the first date will have made any difference. If it did then he certainly wasn't a keeper anyway.

I've jumped into bed pretty swifly before but have also waited it out with some other guys for a couple of months or so. Made not the slightest bit of difference - they can decide you're not for them at any point and start acting like an asshole at any point.

It sucks, but there it is.

chocolatespiders · 14/12/2013 14:02

Just read 455 messages and had the fight off dd when she grabbed to laptop so I could get to the end and no update??????????

MillyChristmas · 14/12/2013 14:06

What's MRA please?

JeanSeberg · 14/12/2013 14:24

What do you mean no update? He never got back to her when he said he would so no second date.

Writerwannabe83 · 14/12/2013 14:25

I bet she has text him Grin

MillyChristmas · 14/12/2013 14:28

Lookatmybut mentioned a poster was a MRA . Can anyone enlighten me....please?

Writerwannabe83 · 14/12/2013 14:29

I don't have a clue what it means either, Grin

ALittleStranger · 14/12/2013 14:31

What update? It's done.

JeanSeberg · 14/12/2013 14:31

Men's Rights Activist

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mra

crunchypower · 14/12/2013 14:31

MRA = men's rights activist

MillyChristmas · 14/12/2013 14:39

Thanks .

SweetSeraphim · 14/12/2013 15:44

MyBachisworsethanmybite - what a load of old shite.

Most strong women really aren't attracted to subservient men. It's all about equality, isn't it? Feminism 101 really.

Original poster
Laurel1979 · 14/12/2013 15:53

Ok there is a bit of an update, not a very exciting one though.....

I decided to ring him yesterday (don't slate me please!!). Not to find out what was happening though, just wanted to basically let him know I hadn't really wanted anything heavy etc. so I rang and said, just wanted to thank you for the lovely meal, it was a fun night, wanted to wish you all the best for the future, wasn't meant to be, let's move on and forget about it, have a nice Christmas. He said he didn't want to forget about it, likes me, realises he jumped in quickly with all the texting/holiday talk, and realised he'd been back pedalling. I said I hadn't been looking for anything serious, hoped I hadn't given him the impression that I was, and I too regretted jumping in so quickly as it would have been better to be more casual/fun etc. he sounded like he's been working a lot (he has 2 jobs and I can see on FB he's doing long hours), he said he'd be stressed until his work finishes for the Christmas hols next week. I said I was actually really busy with my friends etc this weekend, we left it that we'd be on touch, but left it vague re arrangements. I have put a lot of stuff on my FB page last night and today that Im doing with my friends, he sent a text today, had a quick chat, he said enjoy your day and that was it. I actually feel a lot better now I rang, as he has actually texted me more, now I look like Im busy and out having fun. Don't know what/if anything will happen next, but either way Im less bothered now!

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 14/12/2013 15:58

Good - game playing is such a waste of everyone's time. Without having an actual conversation then true communication can't take place - it is pointless yo try and guess and predict what someone else is thinking. Especially when both parties are doing it Smile

You did the right thing ringing him in my eyes - and whatever happens, happens, but at least you acted like an adult, good for you Smile

SweetSeraphim · 14/12/2013 15:59

Oh good lord. Why are you still interested in him?

MillyChristmas · 14/12/2013 16:00

Hi, are you really less bothered though or do you just feel a renewed sense of hope?

nkf · 14/12/2013 16:03

Dear oh dear. I'm glad you feel better but dear oh dear.

HerdyHerdwick · 14/12/2013 16:06

So what did he say was his reason for not getting back to you on Thursday as he'd promised to do when you asked him out? How long was he planning to keep you hanging on his sleeve waiting for him to bother to let you know his plans?

MyBachisworsethanmybite · 14/12/2013 16:09

Sweetseraphim where did I say I found subservient men attractive (or not)?

I'm just describing the Mumsnet orthodoxy as I see it.

Original poster
Laurel1979 · 14/12/2013 16:10

If I'm honest I probably rang him because I wanted to look like the dumper, not the dumpee (if those are real words) and I feel better if he doesn't think he has "played" me. I honestly can't say if I feel a sense of hope - it's true I automatically feel a bit emotional about someone I've slept with so recently - but I don't think I'll be that bothered now if nothing comes of it or if I don't hear from him again. It was a spur if the moment thing ringing him - I was actually about to start work, just felt it was the right thing to do and when I phoned him I said I can't really talk as I'm about to go into work, but just wanted to give him a quick ring to say thanks for the dinner etc. I'm glad I spoke to him, feel a weight lifted off my chest for some reason!

OP posts:
MillyChristmas · 14/12/2013 16:10

I'm sorry but I dont think ringing him was a good idea Laurel. You have already contacted him twice this week and he has not had time to reply or phone you. Your phone call was you trying to restart something. His reply was him just being nice to you and trying to let you down gently. No man is that busy that he can't make time. It's nothing to do with game playing. If he had been interested in seeing you again he would have phoned you. You were very very brave phoning though but you ate just chasing him.