Aargh have I blown it by having sex on first date?

[Laurel1979]

I would really appreciate some impartial advice......

I've been single for 6 years and have an 8 year old DD. I met a lovely guy online recently and after texting for 2 weeks we arranged to go out for a meal. He's the same age as me but has no DC. We had chatted a lot on the phone before meeting and we seemed to have a lot in common, etc. There was a lot of sexual chemistry on the phone, but we agreed we both liked each other and on the first date would only kiss. We went out at the weekend there and immediately hit it off. I really like him and had a good feeling about him straight away. But...... after dinner he left me home and we ended up having sex (it was amazing sorry TMI... but definitely not typical awkward first sex). In the middle of it we both said we shouldn't be doing this but in the end couldn't keep our hands off each other. Wen he left he texted me saying what a great night he had, and yesterday he texted 3 times, just things like "good morning xx" etc.

But today - I've had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach all day, worrying he'll think I was too easy and that we've blown it - then tonight he texted apologising for what happened, said it was fantastic but not like him at all and he didn't want "anything too heavy too quick." I texted back agreeing and said I knew we shouldn't have done it so soon, and that I hoped we hadn't ruined things. He replied no, but just didn't want anything too heavy. I jokingly texted back that we should start again and next time meet somewhere neutral and have kiss on cheek only, he agreed. Prior to meeting we had talked about going to Christmas market some day, so I suggested that we do that this weekend (he'd asked me last week about it but until today I hadn't been able to get a babysitter). S he texted back, saying he would like to but "needs to get out of a sport thing" he has on Sunday but he would definitely know on Thursday. I said no problem just let me know, he said he will. I'd say this is genuine as he is in the local sports club where he lives and helps run events.

Sorry this is so long but I'd be so grateful for your opinions as to whether I've ruined things!! Many thanks in advance.

I'm not sure marriages get richer with every year that passes, Milly. I pressure the final year before divorce is the poorest.

*presume

Obviously if your divorcing then the years are not enriching hence my comment that we are not sufficiently prepared when we are young or indeed at any stage to understand the work that relationships take to prevent that breakdown occurring .

True, there are periods of time where relationships aren't too much work. Or hard work. This maybe for a few months or many years. This is what I mean by a shelf life. Once they become hard work they are no longer natural and they become forced.
I realise others may see hard work as part of a relationship but I think this is just learnt from a religious society and it's traditions that we are conditioned to believe are the norm.

I'm not religious at all. I chose this Man and I want him to have a happy fulfilling life with me and we both cherish our time together. The years that have passed have all been part of who we are today. We all go through difficult times but work to get through it together as a team. Of course this is only how I view relationships from my own experience and we all have different experiences and different views. I know that I still fancy the pants of my DH and he me, even after all these years. We keep our relationship special by making sure we go on date nights and dress nicely and compliment each other and support each other.

Anyway, sorry to derail the thread.

Yes, you don't have to convince me. I believe you are sure of that.
That's all it is 'a part of you', some people narrow their world so much that it is them. It's just a version of you, not a better one or a worse one. Just a version.

Anyway, hope you have a long and fruitful marriage. Good luck Milly

Yes derail in full flow. Luckily I think the OP gave a definitive, 'it's his loss'

OP - have you heard from him at all yet?

I do think you have had some good advice here, i know you will be looking at things to make it seem like its all going to turn out rosy. But try to look at it logically.
I didnt realise you had messaged him and he hadnt replied and had asked to call him and he said he was busy. I dont think he could be more clearer if he tried.

with regard to marriages, its worth noting that both people have to cherish and put work in to it.... if its onesided, its not going to work. Its not great to make women feel bad, or like their marriages failed as they just didnt work at it hard enough.

I'm sure the thread will be back on track if the guy calls or maybe for the fallout if he doesnt

Not trying to convince you of anything just that I don't personally agree with your version of relationships mostly having shelf lives, that's all. Like I said our experiences govern our views on marriages don't they? I've been with my DH for 29 years and have learnt a lot.

Leopard I did day BOTH people in a relationship need to learn to work on it not just one.

Milly, I wasn't using my personal relationship experiences to govern my views. I was trying to look at society/statistics/other people's views to analyse relationships. This analysis has maybe gone on to influence my actions or perceptions. Not the other way round.

For example, I can see society is sexist. Personally, I don't know any sexists in RL. This does not lead me to believe that society is not sexist

Crunchy, i do tend to agree with you.

You must be using your own personal relationship experience to base your views in some part. You said that you chase other women's husbands. If you are being serious with that comment then they way you view relationships is a very unhealthy one I would say. There are many women on here who's relationships have had problems with infidelity.

Milly that was a joke, made up

Why?

Your question came out of the blue. I did say 'no' after it, but realise it can read differently. Just a joke. Why does it matter?

Yawn.

Sorry my question appeared out of the blue. You seemed to imply that you felt that chasing a man is a good thing from your point a view so my question was relating to that. That's all.

Milly
It's not a bad thing to chase, not a good thing. I was pointing out it seems more acceptable/expected for the man to do the chasing. Maybe we are more developed than these archaic traditions

ok.

What time is dump o'clock Laurel?

Laurel, while you have had some great advice in here I think people are losing grasp of rational thought! Just call him and ask him straight - is he going to the Christmas Market on Saturday or not???! Why wait for him to text and go crazy out of your mind for the passed four days? If he says no, so what, move on! The rules of waiting so many days before you text/wait for him to contact you are just games. Fuck that - be an adult and just SPEAK to HIM.

You can't "ruin things" with sex!
If a man wants to see you he will crawl over broken glass just to wank in your shadow, whether you have on the right shoes, haven't put make up on, used to go out with his boss or have swung from the light fittings all night long.
Doesn't matter.
If a man likes you, he will make sure he sees you.
At least you got a shag out of it. Now move on.
Oh, and I have one rule, and that is NO TEXTS!
If you want to communicate with me-call me. Certain men love the casualness and ease of texts, and the way a message can be very ambiguous. No, no and no!