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Original poster

Aargh have I blown it by having sex on first date?

655 replies

Laurel1979 · 09/12/2013 19:11

I would really appreciate some impartial advice......

I've been single for 6 years and have an 8 year old DD. I met a lovely guy online recently and after texting for 2 weeks we arranged to go out for a meal. He's the same age as me but has no DC. We had chatted a lot on the phone before meeting and we seemed to have a lot in common, etc. There was a lot of sexual chemistry on the phone, but we agreed we both liked each other and on the first date would only kiss. We went out at the weekend there and immediately hit it off. I really like him and had a good feeling about him straight away. But...... after dinner he left me home and we ended up having sex (it was amazing sorry TMI... but definitely not typical awkward first sex). In the middle of it we both said we shouldn't be doing this but in the end couldn't keep our hands off each other. Wen he left he texted me saying what a great night he had, and yesterday he texted 3 times, just things like "good morning xx" etc.

But today - I've had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach all day, worrying he'll think I was too easy and that we've blown it - then tonight he texted apologising for what happened, said it was fantastic but not like him at all and he didn't want "anything too heavy too quick." I texted back agreeing and said I knew we shouldn't have done it so soon, and that I hoped we hadn't ruined things. He replied no, but just didn't want anything too heavy. I jokingly texted back that we should start again and next time meet somewhere neutral and have kiss on cheek only, he agreed. Prior to meeting we had talked about going to Christmas market some day, so I suggested that we do that this weekend (he'd asked me last week about it but until today I hadn't been able to get a babysitter). S he texted back, saying he would like to but "needs to get out of a sport thing" he has on Sunday but he would definitely know on Thursday. I said no problem just let me know, he said he will. I'd say this is genuine as he is in the local sports club where he lives and helps run events.

Sorry this is so long but I'd be so grateful for your opinions as to whether I've ruined things!! Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:
MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 14:03

Crunchy that is the point surely. We were chased therefore we were left with no doubt in our mind that our men wanted us.

LaRegina · 12/12/2013 14:13

I don't see this as something that should be the total burden of the man.

Nobody has said it should be. Just that OP has already done her bit of follow up after their date - she's texted him and messaged him on FB. He has said he will let her know today if he can see her at the weekend. But some seem to think she should phone him to what - see if he's found out if he can let her know today yet? Confused

It's not about playing games, it's about not letting a man you've only just met take over your thoughts and your whole life and happiness, because you continue to have a life of your own.

LaRegina · 12/12/2013 14:13

And what Milly says.

In lots of ways I'm v glad that the last time I was single was before everybody had mobile phones

Wishihadabs · 12/12/2013 14:22

I love this stuff. FWIW DH and I dtd very early on, then he gave me all this nonsense about space and time (as in I need some space, give me some time, not Steven Hawkins) So I did, a week later he was as keen as mustard.

LoisPuddingLane · 12/12/2013 14:31

I think we should henceforth refer to anyone who needs space and time as "doing a Stephen Hawking".

LaRegina · 12/12/2013 14:33

I think we should henceforth refer to anyone who needs space and time as "doing a Stephen Hawking"

I love that Grin

MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 14:44

Ha ha.....I really love that . Doing a Stephen Hawking Grin Grin Grin

MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 14:45

Wish brilliant.!!!

crunchypower · 12/12/2013 15:05

Milly
It maybe a point but if you reverse it and the OP doesn't chase and call the guy might think she isn't keen.

Original poster
Laurel1979 · 12/12/2013 15:15

Doing a Stephen Hawking, that's brilliant!

I think I've shown him Im sufficiently keen eg asking about Christmas market on Sunday and also messaging last night.... The more I think about it, it's his loss really (but I still really want him to contact me aargh!)

OP posts:
MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 15:28

Crunch Did you chase your DH?

crunchypower · 12/12/2013 15:38

Milly
I chased someone else's lol....no, I'm not married. I'm not a total believer in long term monogamy. I think shorter relationships are more natural

MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 15:41

Crunch do you mean your a disbeliever in long term monogamy? Why, if you don't mind me asking.

crunchypower · 12/12/2013 15:54

I think most relationships have a shelf life. I don't think marrying 25-35 years old, with a potential 50-60 year relationship is natural. You see this with most relationships not making this distance. Most that will have that longevity are normally marriages. People staying together purely to honour the marriage, becoming distant, unhappy, resentful, or regretting sacrifices, maybe even just putting up with it.
Don't get me wrong, there will be some relationships that are for life and work and all are involved are happy. However, these are a minority and therefore appear more unnatural. Despite this marriage and 'life partners' are pushed forward as the ideal or the norm.

I suppose I do believe in monogamy but maybe 5 x 10 year relationships rather than the 50 year relationship, for example.

NutellaNutter · 12/12/2013 15:55

Oh God Laurel yes definitely don't contact him. And read The Rules.

crunchypower · 12/12/2013 15:59

What about you, Milly? Are you married? Is it your 1st?

MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 16:00

It does seem to be the state of relationships today doesn't it but when I have witnessed the way a lot of people treat each other in relationships I'm not surprised that some people feel resentful and unhappy. Some people treat their friends better than they do their OH. Resentment builds up and eventually distroys the feeling of being in love or loving the other person.

MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 16:04

Yes, I'm married and its my first.........

sparklysilversequins · 12/12/2013 16:09

I could not agree more crunchy.

crunchypower · 12/12/2013 16:09

But I think that 'state', is natural. As religion has moved out of society and people can think rationally. Relationships are reaching what they should be. A natural shelf life. You see this in Ireland when divorce was made legal in 1996. They have a divorce rate similar to the western world.
We just need to stop society pushing the notion of a 'partner for life' and you must get married. It's not an idea that coincides with the stats or what we see around us.
Pushing marriage, cause people to put down too bigger roots. Too tied to a place, a mindset, a family. I think this can sometimes get in the way of living and experiencing life. It steers you towards an existence in a narrow way.

MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 16:13

I would have personally to disagree even though I see your point. People should be taught about relationships and how to create good ones. It is like anything in life, it takes effort and time to keep a relationship strong and both parties happy and fulfilled within.

Ephiny · 12/12/2013 16:13

Yes I'm not sure about lifelong monogamy either. If it was such a natural state, surely there wouldn't be so many divorces and affairs?

I don't know if the answer is accepting that relationships have a shelf life, or accepting that more openness and flexibility within a relationship/marriage is necessary if it's to last.

MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 16:16

Relationships, Marriages can be long and happy and a journey that has many twists and turns but they can and do get richer and more precious as each year passes.

MillyChristmas · 12/12/2013 16:18

Ephiny I think divorces and affairs happen because people stop putting effort into the relationship.

crunchypower · 12/12/2013 16:19

Milly, of course you disagree, you are married. Maybe you will defy the statistics. I thinks it's more to do with the marriage till death mentality/expectation. This completely narrows your world. Why wouldn't it, it's your world now till you die. But then the natural life span of a relationship kicks in. It's harder to go back to a wider world that you miss out on.