Let dh go out or not?

[Edenviolet]

Dh wants to go to a stag party. I don't want him to go because

1. We have four dcs and I will struggle to look after them all myself all evening/ night. They have health issues and youngest still bf.

1. I get really jealous and hate the thought of dh drunk which he will be, out all night etc

1. It's same day as ds party so will be a hectic day anyway.

How do i approach this and not cause an argument?

Let him?

You being jealous isn't really his problem.

It's one night.

jealousy is an emotion that belongs in the playground. Is there more to this?

I'm horrified at some of the responses you've received OP, I've been reading the whole thread and every post and can't begin to imagine what you're going through :-(

xx

err i actually do have several health conditions (hence the limitations i mentioned) and no my son wasn't oh so carefully planned. you're assuming a lot and projecting wider political views/issues onto me that bear no relation to my own.

back to OP - hypermobility or the proper name as you gave it (and i can't remember spelling of or be arsed to scroll up ) is a pretty broad condition from what i know. for me it's not so bad - periodic things out of place like my jaw or wrist for no reason and pain but i know it can be very debilitating - a friend has more severe issues with it but it isn't constant so i hope your children will find a easier phase with it - maybe growing makes it worse?

migraine sucks - i had awful migraines for a while in childhood and again through puberty that would take me out for 24hrs plus but very rarely get them now so i have everything crossed that your ds may grow out of them or his brain learn to deal with them quicker and easier itms - nowadays i often just get the aura and a bit of vertigo but without it developing through to the projectile vomiting and total on the floor debilitation. bizarrely i also have scoliosis (now wondering if all these things are connected!?!) but again touch wood no extreme problems from it thus far - i really hope that will be true for them. i'm going to look up the conditions i wasn't familiar with - quite a big bagful you have there.

so pain and the diabetes sounds like the big issues and nightimes the worst?

three hours is, i agree, a joke.

aware i'm being slated on here but i do genuinely think the stag night business and ideas of letting or not letting are aside from the real issues here.

Temporary nanny for the nights your H must go out?

Maybe you understand how it feels then numpty?

Still looks like people are not even bothering to read the thread before commenting with unhelpful responses :-/

stillcrying ? eh? what do you mean.
DLA for 4 children could add up to quite a lot, if you got higher or middle rate.
This would help Op gets all sorts of help, surely?

Was only trying to help. FFS.

OP just read the bits i missed whilst posting - that DLA should be going towards care for your children - it's there to buy that. is there some reason why that's not happening? because that's quite a lot of money on a weekly basis and at least some of it should be being spent on care.

i can't go on what people are alluding to on here - hence asking you yourself.

understand how what feels offred? to not want to allow a grown man to go out for a few hours for the stag do of his sister's wedding even though there are ways and means of making it manageable? no. i don't know how that feels. the other stuff is a separate issue.

Like I said money issues have previously been mentioned, it's not all black and white. OP & other members have eluded to financial issues and why money is tight.

If you where just trying to be helpful why not just ask a specific question ie; is it possible to pay for respite / additional care with dla payments. Rather than asking how much she gets.

realistically that level of dla is enough to employ someone full time to help you.

RTFT!!! honestly do some people get a thrill out of kicking others when they are down?

The op has posted before about her dh-he is a feckless,selfish arse who had 10 days HOLIDAY!!!! only a few months ago. Op has had NO respite or bloody holidays or even a hen night.

Fuck all this you cant tell him what to do malarkey op-his priority should be his kids and you not some stupid stag do. He ain't going.

because it's relevant stillcry - for people familiar with dla, the cost of care etc knowing whether someone gets higher or lower rates and times how many people is meaningful.

and that money is for the additional needs of the disabled person and meeting the costs of that.

A lot of dla gets used up on other things ( main expense being taxis as I don't drive and dh works and we have huge amount of appts)

The rest ends up on food and everyday things for dcs,have money problems too and so its not clear cut.

Apologies for swearing earlier.

NNC (doesn't feel nice to call you Numpty!) is right - this isn't sustainable, and if it hadn't been this stag do it would have been something else.

and what does stopping him going out for one night achieve pinup? it isn't the issue and op fixating on it and wasting her energy catastrophising over a relatively small thing whilst rome burns isn't going to get her anywhere.

perspective.

Also dd1 dla goes toward her school fees she has a high percentage scholarship and bursary which we top up to the full amount. Had to pick a specific school due to her medical needs.

My good god Numpty. Have some decorum!

ok hedgehog - if dp is fucking up your finances at the expense of your children's dla being spent on their care then you have bigger problems than one night out.

if it is as it sounds you would be better off getting rid of him, having control over all the money that came in (plus maintenance from him) so that you could pay for carers and give yourself and your children a better and more sustainable quality of life.

you can't afford deadweight.

I have reported you for being goady and unpleasant numpty-so put that into perspective and smoke it.

What about carers allowance? Could you get that? I don't know if you can get four lots, or just one? But that would be quite a lot per week if four, and enough to pay for help?
I know this 'financial issues' is alluded to but if all the cash is going on debt or a high mortgage or whatever, it's hard without knowing that to see why paying for care isn't an option with that level of dla. So I can understand why people might ask.
And before I get leapt on, I've posted before supportively with suggestions and I am not interested in kicking the op.

I have everything in my name now and financial control but for a long time a while ago didn't and he was awful with money. Things are getting paid off now and he can no longer bail mil out so that's all fine now.

pinup my concern is the op not you and as far as i'm aware someone not finding you likable doesn't break mumsnet rules.

the OP copes with 4 disabled children - i think she can speak for herself.

Can only get carers once even though all dcs get dla.