Let dh go out or not?

[Edenviolet]

Dh wants to go to a stag party. I don't want him to go because

1. We have four dcs and I will struggle to look after them all myself all evening/ night. They have health issues and youngest still bf.

1. I get really jealous and hate the thought of dh drunk which he will be, out all night etc

1. It's same day as ds party so will be a hectic day anyway.

How do i approach this and not cause an argument?

It will improve a bit hopefully as dd2 when older will be able to do more of her inj etc herself but not for a good few years. All conditions are lifelong and variable, some days are horrendous others not as bad.

Could you have a babysitter in to help you while Husband goes to stag do.

No need to do evening on your own.

it's not sustainable is it? is there likelihood things will improve? are all of their illnesses lifelong at the same level or are some of them likely to improve with time? how old are they all now?

i xposted. if dd2's issue is diabetes surely that should be able to be managed - are you pushing hard enough to get the right care? have you got an advocate if you struggle with that? as i understand diabetes can and should in a young person be able to be 'cracked' in terms of under control and minimal issues.

12,6,4 and 1.

Probably things will remain at same level, small chance there might be some improvement but not really sure as yet.

You did say earlier that care is starting in Januaury. Who is that through and do you know how many hours/days etc?

That may be a good starting point as whoever is going to provide should know the system and have experienced staff available.

Also depends on where you live as some areas have better range of agencies than others.

It is one of her issues, its quite unstable ATM, not sure why and we are seen regularly but its proving difficult. She has no hypo awareness and its nerve wracking. She has other problems too so its a multitude of things.

We will be getting 3 hrs help a week from mid jan but not sure when or what sort of help as yet.

It was through a caf assessment and ss

So you had a fourth child knowing he too would have the genetic condition, and the only variable you weren't aware of was one of them would also have diabetes? Is the diabetes the straw that broke the camels back then; because all the other stuff could have been foreseen?

can you say what each of their issues and conditions are?

My feeling is that if you 'put your foot down' as you suggest up thread, then it could start the beginning of the end of your marriage. No adult has right of control over another.

I'm not sure how productive it is telling the op she shouldn't have had so many children. Presumably those were happier days when she felt stronger. She has the children now.

You sound worn down. Bank your dh's night out for a day out pepping yourself up.

For goodness sake NumptyNameChange and Floggingmolly it doesn't matter who had what condition when! The children are here now. The situation has to be dealt with now

I can see why the OP is overwhelmed and worried and questioning why she had her children is at best unhelpful and at worst downright offensive.

I knew as soon as I saw 'Let' in the thread title this would be a bunfight, and I was right.

Hedgehog80 I would suggest sitting down with your DH and coming up with a joint solution to the problem but am I remembering that there are other relationship issues or is that someone else? (his holiday is ringing a bell. Have you had a family holiday this year?)

Yes it was manageable before (just) but the diabetes was just too much.

Conditions are ehlers danlos syndrome (all) pectus excavatum (dh, dd1 and ds2) scoliosis (dd1) severe allergies (ds1) migraine (ds1) postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (dd1) t1 diabetes (dd2) bowel problem, currently unknown cause but has had surgery (dd2).

I was in a hurry when typed title, should have thought it through more.

Jeez numpty what an utterly despicable attitude to take with the op...

It is none of your beeswax what her children have and she shouldn't have to justify herself to you.

Society should be there to pick up the slack for the vulnerable in my book. People don't, shouldn't and often can't predict how their lives will go.

Imagine if we all lived in your world! You would have to hope you didn't get struck down with some terrible genetic illness that means you are unable to smugly look after your very planned single child because really you should have for seen that and not had children, how irresponsible(!)

I wasn't questioning why she had her children, nanny; just wondering what extra problems arose on top of those she knew about that pushed thngs over the edge.
That's quite a list, op.

I can see why dh keeps wanting to go out, things are not any fun at home. Everybody is tired and I know he just wants a few hours with his mind clear of dcs health worries.

The respite care that you have been offered is RIDICULOUS.
I can't cope with my own t1 diabetes, and ds1's autism. And I am thinking of asking for respite care.
But this is like Riven thread.
Utter rubbish.
You need more than 3 hours respite. What a crock of shit!!

And how much DLA are you getting?

2 of dcs get high rate for both parts dd1 gets low for both ( used to get middle and high but they renewed said no dla at all we appealed and got lower awarded but in my opinion its wrong as in the morning alone its over an hour to get her up etc physio, pain, fainting) baby gets care but no mobility till he's three.

Oblomov what relevance does how much dla the OP may be receiving have?

Just wish I had a family member who could help. Sil said in August she would then changed her mind said it was too much to learn and as she was planning wedding she was too busy.

It could fund some respite care, stillcrying?

Op has already explained money is tight and there has been previous explanations mentioned up thread with regards to where money goes.

OP - I'm really sorry, I don't have any advice but just want to let you know I feel for you and I can't believe some of the horrible responses you have received. These people have no idea how hard you have it right now. I hope you manage to find a solution.