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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex won't move out

129 replies

snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 14:16

Hi, we split up a month ago. Been together for 8 years. Lived together for 6 years. Need some advice on how to get my ex to fuck off.
The house is mine and my ExP hasn't ever paid directly in to the house. Although she has paid bills on occasion (not mortgage or home improvements).
The relationship ended and I gave her 2 weeks to sort herself out. But it's now been a month, I'm pissed off.
I don't want to get her in trouble but is it worth contacting the police, changing locks, putting her belongings in a skip?(more of a threat but might be fun).

Anyone have experience of this or any advice to get her to fuck off?
Thanks

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/12/2013 20:30

Actually, I don't think the OP is that bad. He's allowed one month on, which is the usual legal requirement, and has had to put up with a cheating partner at home.
And has arranged for her to find a place. It doesn't look like she even searched for a place.

waltermittymissus · 03/12/2013 20:35

She shagged someone else while living in HIS house and HE'S the cunt?

Really?

Whocansay · 03/12/2013 20:37

I think the OP is allowed to be angry. I wouldn't want to live with an ex like his either.

Can you not just pack her stuff and take it to her mum's?

jadorecakesnbiscuits · 03/12/2013 20:38

im new to mumsnet i had no idea there was lots of pages to this thread, hands up, im the cunt. Sorry guys skulks away Blush

VerySmallSqueak · 03/12/2013 20:43

I think the op sounds frustrated and hurt and angry at the way he's being treated.

We know she is financially able to leave,and take her son (or alternatively arrange for him to go to his fathers). She isn't ill and her son will be able to stay at the same school.

I would feel a bit sweary too in this situation.

I think you are being reasonable snow.
Just keep polite and civil,especially in front of her son,and make sure you seek legal advice.

I hope you can all sort this out soon for all of your sakes so everyone can move forward.

Ginwitch · 03/12/2013 20:43

Cakes

Heh heh Grin

BohemianGirl · 03/12/2013 20:47

Well the relationship must have been kaput anyway. If the infidelity happened a month ago and the OP is out of love already, a normal person would be full of angst and 'why me' etc. For him to move on and be dating so quickly, Im guessing the relationship was over anyway.

It's the child I feel sorry for.

waltermittymissus · 03/12/2013 20:49

Perhaps. But it's still his house.

I can honestly say, in his position, she'd already be gone!

Though I do feel desperately sorry for her son and what she's put him through.

BohemianGirl · 03/12/2013 20:54

The house is mine and my ExP hasn't ever paid directly in to the house. Although she has paid bills on occasion (not mortgage or home improvements).

A warning to all co-habitees to ensure they protect their rights should the worst happen.

Feel free to interpret that ^^ as you may.

Ginwitch · 03/12/2013 20:55

I could do with some free accommodation too!

Lweji · 03/12/2013 20:58

It works both ways, Bohemian. :)

If you take a live in partner and you are not 100%, don't let him/her contribute towards the mortgage and divide all expenses 50-50.

waltermittymissus · 03/12/2013 21:00

The worst being her shagging someone else!

I'm sorry, I know it's not always black and white but seriously, she caused this for herself and her ds.

Reindeerfromhell · 03/12/2013 21:10

My cousin got kicked out when they split up after 10 years of living together (not due to having an affair or ONS, though) as he owned the house and they were not married. Luckily she had bought somewhere else and was renting it out, but was able to move in. The point I am making is that after 6 years of living together the OP and ex did not buy somewhere together or get married and that is why she is up the shits after deciding to shag someone else. (She seems to have some choices of where to go, though.) It is so sad that a little child is being dragged through this but this seems to happen so often when adults make stupid choices. You don't have to get married or buy somewhere together, of course. Just making the point that I hope the kiddy is ok.

hotblacktea · 03/12/2013 21:19

The point I am making is that after 6 years of living together the OP and ex did not buy somewhere together or get married and that is why she is up the shits after deciding to shag someone else.

How do you know that ? So is cheating justifiable in this case ?

It is so sad that a little child is being dragged through this but this seems to happen so often when adults make stupid choices.

Sad indeed, but please point out the bad choices made by him (except trusting her obviously).

geologygirl · 03/12/2013 21:48

When my ex cheated on me a few weeks before xmas he was chucked out into the snow the same day. He had family and friends to stay with....good riddance!

Get her out OP. She's made her bed...and her son sounds like he'll be okay at his dad's while she sorts herself out.

Reindeerfromhell · 03/12/2013 22:26

Hotblacktea, keep your hair on dear.
All I am saying is that she has no claim on his assets as she is not married to him. I don't know where you are coming from; I did not say cheating is justifiable, I don't know what you're on about.
Adults make choices, they influence a childs life. I hope this child comes out of this ok.

IWishYouWould · 03/12/2013 22:41

I couldn't read the whole thread as most replies made me feelAngry on the op's behalf.
She broke the relationship and has taken the piss. no one deserves to have that shoved in their face everday. Her behaviour is on par with the arses we read about every day on here. Why, because op is a man, should the advice be so different to the norm on here. It's sad to see, bordering on the ridiculous with some responses!

op I'm sorry your relationship has come to this. Your actions have been more than fair. I hope the ex is gone without a fuss on Saturday. All you have said and dine seems to be on the right tracks. You're much better off without someone like this in your life. I wish you luck.

gigglestar · 03/12/2013 22:53

Some very hypocritical mnetters rplying here!

OP's 'attitude' is no different to a lot of womn op's who have posted here in the same situation...and the 'attitude' and advice from mnetters is VERY different. Just goes to show the MN bias.

OP-you don't have to help her pack/move/look for eomehere. She's a working adult who i'm sure is capable of helping herself-if she has any self respect! She's just being an awkward bitch. What's her excuse for not having made any plans to move out?

I'd give her a final warning-that unless she actively starts shifting her belongings you will put it in binleners and leave it outside-and change the locks if she refuses to hand the keys back.

Her child is non of your concern. A responsible parent would have started making plans to find alternative accomodation for their child soon as they were given notice. He can to to his dads or grandparents til she gets her own place.

Good luck! [Grin]

fluffaduck · 03/12/2013 22:57

Hello OP
You kind of ballsed up with your wording in you OP (I did that once, had to leave the country, name change and come back) but I find blokes tend to say it as it is.

I would seek legal advice and I would tell her so. At the end of the day she cheated, has not contributed in a big financial way to the house so why should you have to now worry about her problems.
I doubt she gave you or your relationship a second thought.
Don't get me wrong you could be a really nice bloke or a complete shit bag but you asked for advice on a particular issue and I feel that if people are going to post then they should answer you original question.

Probably gonna have to leave the country again and name change Grin

Changednameforthistoday · 03/12/2013 23:14

What about the child OP? You lived with him for 6 years, there must be a bond there. I know it is your ex that cheated and made her bed, but I feel for the son. If you got along well, 6 years is a long time for a child to suddenly be chucked out by a man he may have seen as a step Dad through no fault of his own. Hope the son's feelings are being put first by all concerned. Good luck OP.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 04/12/2013 07:31

Hang on, giggles. To be fair, nothing in the OPs first few posts said anything about being cheated on. People respond to what is written. What was written was full of contempt without the single most important reason for that contempt. Which is the one thing that people normally include in an OP like that one. So you can't blame people for not knowing the OP had been cheated on when the OP themselves chose to not disclose that fact and when they did, they said that basically that's not what the post was about and was almost an irrelevancy.

Had the OP begun by saying that their partner had cheated on them and would not leave the house and they'd given them a month and wanted them out now and they hated them, I know they'd have got different responses.

To act like people who posted about the OPs apparent unreasonable contempt before the OP chose to disclose the understandable reason for that contempt are 'hypocritical' is totally unfair.

lunar1 · 04/12/2013 07:57

My dh would be out the same day if he did this. You have been more than fair. I hope she is gone by the weekend, you sound like you are really hurting.

PileOfSheet · 04/12/2013 13:23

Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve (especially to complete strangers). In my opinion OP you have been more than reasonable, far more than I would be in your situation. I wish you luck in your new life!

passedgo · 04/12/2013 13:33

i think if I had been in a relationship with someone for 8 years and lived in the same house for 6 years, got to know the neighbours, child at school etc, and we separated, for WHATEVER reason, I would expect to at least be given more than a couple of weeks to sort myself out.

OP you really are not a great catch, she is very well rid IMO. If it's just about YOUR house, YOUR land, the fact she has lived there for 6 years etc then there wasn't much of a relationship to begin with.

PileOfSheet · 04/12/2013 13:43

I don't think a wife/partner who goes around shagging other men is particularly a good catch either so, swings and round abouts :)

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