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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex won't move out

129 replies

snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 14:16

Hi, we split up a month ago. Been together for 8 years. Lived together for 6 years. Need some advice on how to get my ex to fuck off.
The house is mine and my ExP hasn't ever paid directly in to the house. Although she has paid bills on occasion (not mortgage or home improvements).
The relationship ended and I gave her 2 weeks to sort herself out. But it's now been a month, I'm pissed off.
I don't want to get her in trouble but is it worth contacting the police, changing locks, putting her belongings in a skip?(more of a threat but might be fun).

Anyone have experience of this or any advice to get her to fuck off?
Thanks

OP posts:
Jan45 · 03/12/2013 15:45

BlossomFlowers, you may think it's because he's male, I certainly didn't reply thinking about the gender, his opening post is pretty nasty and full of spite, that was it, if you want to turn that into, it's cos he's a man blah blah then maybe it's you that has the issue re gender.

OP I understand your frustrations but you can't actually pack up someone else's life, go see a solicitor if she's refusing to go.

Original poster
snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 15:46

Hansie
Her things are in my house. If you are worried about them can my ex store them at yours.

Gamer
Yes, my friends have been setting me up with their friends. All very casual, not in a place for a full on relationship at the moment

OP posts:
gamerchick · 03/12/2013 15:51

Is it helping? I've always wondered if it helps a dude... rebounds always sucked when I tried.

Sounds like you've got it sussed now.. just keep it as civilised as possible for the bairns sake. He's losing his home as well.

Original poster
snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 15:55

It's fun. No big expectations. More of a distraction.

It is civilised, we are in the same house so it has to be.
The kid has another home with his dad and is old enough to understand.

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 03/12/2013 15:56

"The kid" Hmm

Original poster
snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 16:00

It's a nickname for him, 'kid' or 'kidda'.

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 03/12/2013 16:02

Tell her to pack her things today and be gone by this evening or you'll do it for her.

Straightforward enough, no?

I'm assuming her son is already with his dad, btw.

If he's there, please don't do it in front of him.

Lweji · 03/12/2013 16:07

Is the kid's name Billy?

Original poster
snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 16:09

No jodie

OP posts:
passedgo · 03/12/2013 16:21

Blimey you're a bit coarse. I can understand you're pissed off but you sound a bit childish the way you speak, and a bit simplistic about it. Yes she needs to go, but be grown up about it, give her an ultimatum and do what needs to be done. Tell her family the same thing - tell them 'this is happening', 'when', 'how', and what she decides to do about her son is up to her and his father. At least that way she can prepare and everyone else knows the story.

Do a multiple text or email so everyone gets the same message.

And learn how to speak NICELY Smile

Original poster
snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 16:33

Passedgo
I did set a time, it was two weeks ago. I've doubled that to give her extra time to sort her and her son out. She hasn't been able to do it so I've sorted it for her. Saturday she goes to her mum's. I've started packing for her to help her with that burden. I've offered to drive her and help with the moving of boxes to remove the stress of moving.

I've sorted out legal advice meeting to get everything done properly and I have got a locksmith coming on Saturday afternoon and alarm person coming on Monday.
I've stopped our joint car insurance policy and everything is ready to go.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 03/12/2013 17:01

So you gave her 2 weeks to look for a place, go visit, secure a deposit and arrange a move in date, sorry, but I doubt anyone can do that in 2 weeks, not where I am anyway.

Original poster
snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 17:07

Jan45
You can do it half a day. You can view online, contact the letting agent, go visit the properties, back to the agents transfers the deposit and sign the contract. Maybe the move in date would be longer than two weeks but normally within a month. Or she can stay with her family. You must live miles and miles away from suburbia

OP posts:
Original poster
snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 17:09

Jan45
Also, if your husband/partner cheated on you, how much longer than two weeks would you have him in the house?

OP posts:
Jan45 · 03/12/2013 17:14

No, I live in a major city and renting here has high competition. You don't just go look at a flat and then it's yours, you have to book an appointment and once everyone else has seen it, the people that are interested are contacted to possibly go for a second viewing, then the tenant is decided, and then you have paperwork to fill in at the letting agents and only then do you find out a move in date - most people here take at least a month or more to find a suitable place to live, you have to bear in mind, you will also be visiting places that are just not suitable or in a good enough state.

I do understand what you are saying, I don't know the circs around it, that's your business. Do you not find it strange that she is hanging on when she's cheated on you, like she thinks it was ok when clearly it isn't, I find that strange, why do you think she's dragging her feet?

Original poster
snowshepherd · 03/12/2013 17:21

Jan45
Your letting experience is very different to mine. It's first come first served. Whomever gets there money paid in first. Agents will even use this to panic people in to committing to a property.
She is dragging her feet because I should have kicked her out straight away. 2 weeks was too long. If her son wasn't involved I would have. Anyway, Saturday will soon be here.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 03/12/2013 17:31

Good luck, sounds like you've had a shit time.

Reindeerfromhell · 03/12/2013 17:49

Hope the people you are dating know it's 'just for fun' Smile . Shame there is a child losing his home due the actions of adults. Hope things get sorted out for him (and you)

FreakinAllAboutSugar · 03/12/2013 18:35

Frankly, I pity the OP's "distraction dates"; he still sounds extremely angry.

Not saying the anger isn't warranted when his partner has been unfaithful, but if I found myself on a date with someone clearly so furious over such a recent relationship, I'd be calling myself a cab sharpish.

Maybe hold off on dating until you're in a more peaceful frame of mind, for the women's sake? There are plenty of ways to distract yourself after all.

passedgo · 03/12/2013 19:05

This is the house that she and her son have lived in for 6 years and you have been together for 8 years and you give her TWO weeks to leave?

That is extremely unreasonable and actually quite nasty.

You said you doubled the time - to four weeks? I think you have to be reasonable here, and realistic. She can't stay forever, just give her time.

MyPrettyToes · 03/12/2013 19:38

I hope things work out for you snowshepherd.

A relative has just kicked out her cheating boyfriend. They had been together 5 years. She gave him a day to leave. She is repulsed by her ex (her words) and I cannot imagine what she would have to put herself through if she had had to live with him for a whole month.

Your original post had me raising my eyebrows a little, OP. But I also thought perhaps you were just venting. Your subsequent posts suggest you are being 'fair' (a month in the house, helping her pack and providing her transport for the move). I agree with earlier posters who say you should see a solicitor.

Perhaps, she is dragging her feet because she thinks you may change your mind and take her back.

Finney2 · 03/12/2013 19:52

Bloody hell the OP is getting a rough ride here. He's been cheated on and has given her a month to find somewhere else. That's pretty reasonable IMO. If she really hasn't found anywhere, she should move into a hotel.

She clearly doesn't want to give up her comfortable life bt she should've thought of that enforce cheating.

Ginwitch · 03/12/2013 19:58

She hasn't any rights to stay there as OP you say she isn't on the mortgage nor has she contributed financially. Worst case scenario she could be awarded a short term right to remain in your home as children involved however can you see her going to court over this which is the only way she will gain any rights to remain in your home? Get out the boxes, make her pack her things (other posters have said don't touch her stuff) while you wait and drive her to her mothers. If she causes a scene call the police. Do seek sound legal advice though but as your the owner she isn't on good ground for staying as you are married and the other points mentioned.

Don't know the entire back story, OP could be a nightmare for all we know but no excuses for cheating as far as I'm concerned and he isn't interested in discussing things Smile

Good luck OP, I admire your detachment.

Ginwitch · 03/12/2013 19:59

you're the owner and NOT married!

jadorecakesnbiscuits · 03/12/2013 20:28

You are an absolute cunt, if i was her id be travelling at lightspeed away from you and your poxy house.