What I'm saying is, the guy you encountered and the guy I encountered have the same mindset. They simply hate women. It's not us. It's them.
Yes, yes and a thousand times yes to that.
You know, every time you blame yourself or think it's about you, you're buying into a culture that tells women we should all be engaging in some kind of sick contest to be the least likely victim - in effect, to make sure the rapist picks some other girl, and not us. How twisted a message is that, to make women feel that some women somewhere will be raped but as long as we're good girls and behave it won't be us, and so the rapist isn't as much to blame as the survivors of their freely-chosen criminal acts?
It's pretty common knowledge that India has a big problem with sexual violence - from what's known as "Eve-teasing", ie groping women in the street and on public transport, to the sorts of horrific stories that have recently made international headlines. Yet culturally, Indian women on the whole only sleep with their husbands, and most will only have one sexual partner in a lifetime (a large, large majority of those who don't have married more than once). There isn't the same club culture and women drink far less, and there is generally a lot more surveillance and oversight. Yet it doesn't protect them one iota - because rape is not about what women do or don't do. It's about the choice of some men to commit an especially nasty violent crime.
The only thing that works in cutting reported rates of sexual attack (by 10%, in 6 months) is public education campaigns aimed at men. Campaigns focused on consent. Because victims of these crimes aren't the ones making choices - by flipping definition, they aren't even being asked. Yet they're the ones who question themselves - it's so, so wrong. It's like the ultimate insult that you can be the victim of a really nasty crime, and then question yourself as to whether that crime is as bad because you were vulnerable (drunk, asleep, walking alone late at night...) when in any other context a more vulnerable victim (a child, someone elderly, someone disabled or in a coma) just makes the crime more serious and the criminal seen as worse.
It wasn't your fault, but more than that, it wasn't anything to do with you. It was something horrible a fucked up arsehole chose to do, and you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time in a vulnerable situation. And it fucking breaks my heart that women with absolutely nothing wrong with them at all are made to feel this way because people with a huge, gaping lot wrong with them chose to attack. This isn't who you are. It isn't you. They chose to do this. It's about them. And sadly, stats show that men who do this normally do it to numerous women. It really, really is not about the survivors of their crimes.
I'm sorry the doctor was less than helpful, and I agree you really could get better help by going back to Rape Crisis. You sound, for what it's worth, incredibly strong and it's so good you're asking for the support you very, very much deserve. I am so bloody sorry this happened to you, and I wish there were some way to lift you over this grieving, recovery and healing process and safely to the other side. All I can say is that as someone who suffered less than you have, but at the hands of a relative when I was a child, there really can be a complete and full recovery and you can be every scrap as happy as you hope and deserve. Again: this is not who you are. It's just something shitty an arsehole chose to do to you. It will hurt and take time to get past - but the person who is worthless and scummy isn't the person targeted. It's the person who chose to do it.