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Original poster

The dating thread 66

999 replies

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:43

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between Sad

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

OP posts:
Santaclaws · 30/12/2013 21:50

Fucking hell he's just text saying " I'm not asking to have an affair with you, just wanted to see how we got on and if we are suited" then another saying " " you are a gorgeous woman and I could easily fall for you. Can we go for that meet up on Wednesday and see how we get on? "

I'm going to tell him to delete my number now and stop bothering me because he's MARRIED

Bant · 30/12/2013 21:51

Well there are several kinds of dating these days though:

Online dating we all know and hate - it's easy enough but there are lots of weirdos and disappearers

Social group dating - old fashioned meet-through-friends, at parties, at bars, at work. These tend to be a bit more successful if you have mutual friends who will advise you they're married, or an arsehole or something. This happens less when you've got DC as you just don't get out so much, and when you do your friends don't have single people in their social circle. There also tends to be less disappearing or shag-and-running, because your mutual friends will let them know what a tosspot they are.

Random Real Life dating - the asking a waiter for his number, meeting someone on a train. At least you can tell if there is attraction up front (although not necessarily a conversational spark) but you'll still get disappearers etc because they don't have a common social circle to disapprove

I try all three. Social dating has the awkward 'but I'd rather stay friends' and then you have to keep on running into them, which is not fun, but I think Social-group dating is best because you're more likely to have things in common, and you don't use those damn OD filters to screen out people below 5'9 when actually he's only 5'8 but lovely.

Bant · 30/12/2013 21:52

Santa - tell him to just leave you alone. Then ignore his texts for, oh lets say two days. Then another week. Then see if you can make it through to 2015

Santaclaws · 30/12/2013 21:56

I said "no I want someone whose available and you're not, don't txt me again"

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 30/12/2013 21:56

Has anyone gone to any of these organised singles nights at a bar or similar?

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 21:57

I say this as a fella, but what a douchebag :)

kscience · 30/12/2013 21:57

Bant social dating is fine in theory.... but don't have a social life as just moved across the country. So trying to build whole new social life too which is a whole minefield of its own

Santaclaws · 30/12/2013 22:00

Yes that's about right :(

Bant · 30/12/2013 22:02

Try MeetUp.com, that works for some. I moved to another country and found my social life improved dramatically because of the expat community, but there were lots of opportunities to meet people if I turned off the TV and got out there. But then when I'm back in this country with the DC, I just don't get to meet new people at all. It's a bit of a sod but it can be done in your child-free time

Bant · 30/12/2013 22:03

OneDay - I did speed-dating once, it was depressing. Are you talking about the Match singles events or something? I think the TV ads show a room full of attractive singles all chatting away. In reality it's going to be more like the first page of your match.com 'local matches', which in my case would be a bit depressing

superdooperpenguin · 30/12/2013 22:09

Bant - you made me laugh with your local matches comment!

I was sitting on the sofa quite merrily when all of a sudden two lovely men popped along at once! Being the heartless witch I am these days I'm going to date both for a couple of weeks until I make my mind up - no bedroom action until I've decided! One is super keen, the other is much cooler but so damn gorgeous!

I'm off on a little holiday with the DCs for a week now - so an early Happy New Year to you all! xx

HanselandGretel · 30/12/2013 22:18

Number 4 has added me as a favourite but not replied to my last message from this afternoon (there was no question in the message but I would have thought he would be 'next' to message as such as it's how it usually works) but he is online...thoughts?

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits · 30/12/2013 22:35

Drop him a line....nothing ventured nothing gained!

Bant · 30/12/2013 22:37

By the way, did you lot know there is a scientifically proven way to make someone fall in love with you? Or at least dramatically increase your chances

Lahti · 30/12/2013 22:38

Hi all, I'm just back from a first date after saying never again . I enjoyed it and he's texted to to meet up again and asked for my availability. It's so nerve wracking though.

HanselandGretel · 30/12/2013 22:42

@Bant - does it have anything to do with buying them coffee and scones??

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits · 30/12/2013 22:46

Pleased for you Lahti...fingers crossed.

Bant...something to do with looking into the other person's eyes???

HanselandGretel · 30/12/2013 22:49

Thanks Lies - freakily, just got a message through from him...yikes, hope he's not reading this thread!

Bant · 30/12/2013 22:50

Alas no, Hansel.

It's basically to ask a series of questions, reciprocally, which slowly get more personal over time. 'What did you used to do on holiday as a kid'.. 'who was your first love'..

There is a BBC news article about it, I think

HanselandGretel · 30/12/2013 22:53

BBC news article - pushing Valentines upon us already are they??!

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 23:02

Thanks for the welcome earlier.
Ive just sent a dear John text to a first date last night. Help me understand why im feeling so let down. On paper he was good...despite a couple of lies...his age and not mentioning he wasnt divorced. The age didnt bother me so much but the divorce one did as i was specific on my profile.
Bant....i shall Google the article. Prepare myself for the next date.
Lahti....sounds promising.
Claws....im speechless!

Santaclaws · 31/12/2013 09:10

Hi All

Sorry, don't mean to bring everyone down by moaning but woke up feeling really low today. New Year's Eve, I have to work til late then come home and sit on my own :( would be too tired to go out anyway, not that I've had an invite. Then I've 3 days off with nothing planned, all my friends are with their families. My kids are adults doing their own thing.

To cap it all I suppose I thought I'd met someone to see this week and he'd even arranged 2 dates and well you know the story there.

I just wonder if things will ever get better. People have said " you'll meet someone when you least expect it/ not looking" well I certainly wasn't looking at work that day and look what happened with the one I did meet.
Also " it's best to meet someone in RL than online, as you can tell quicker if their genuine" huh again that disproves that theory

Sorry all, just needed to rant I suppose

ALittleStranger · 31/12/2013 09:52

Flora are you new to OD? I think it's very common to expect "success" straight away and it's a disappointment when you realise that it is going to be a numbers game. In real life we'd rarely go on a date with someone who wasn't at all right but in OD it's very easy as you have so little to go off you have to take a few gambles, and the Casino nearly always wins.

Bant apparently touching someone while they are telling the stories and then using the same type of touch (e.g. comforting on shoulder) at a later date is also a subtle technique as you reignite the positive, intimate memory. It's all Games stuff. Another technique if you want things to progress quickly apparently to move around lots of venues on a date as it makes people think you've know each other for much longer.

I would like to clarify that I've never actually read The Game, it's all a mate, honestly.

MasterP0 · 31/12/2013 11:29

Morning!!

NYE date called off for various reasons, SIGH!!!

He's self employed, yesterday got a customer call, he's not sure what time he'll be back, RED FLAG ANYONE?

BUT my chest infection is really playing havoc with me, plus my best friends mommy (been BFF for 37, we are 39), is critical it's touch and go, so last night I was sobbing, crying, feeling helpless, depressed, and I actually don't think it would be appropriate for me to be out and dancing NYE under circumstances!

I'm lying here feeling vile, I'm soooo sick, so red flag or not it's a blessing in disguise!

We spoke for 2 hours last night, he text before setting off to customers house to check up on me. So we shall see, only time will tell

Santa CHIN UP

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits · 31/12/2013 11:31

Rant allowed Santa and I really hope your day gets better.

What you're feeling is perfectly natural but try and look beyond the disappointments and know that it is not you.

In the past three months I have had dates with:

  1. Mr On-Bail-For-Raping-And-Beating-My-Ex - obviously she'd made it all up on account of her MH issues Shock real catch this one, profile complete and utter bollocks, nearly started a fight with the barman because he didn't like the way he handed him his change and then proceeded to show me photos of every other person he had dated, asking me what I thought of them, before finally asking me if we could be FBs. Erm...NO!
  2. Mr Shell-necklace...drove me at breakneck speed to a non-existent bonfire whilst bragging about how he had got away with smashing up a car whilst drunk by hiding from the police.
  3. Mr Science...turned out to be living with his "Ex". Cancelled every other date. Married then.
  4. Mr Bodybuilder... "Can I smash your ass" 'nuff said.
  5. Mr Property Developer... said he was 40...yep, maybe fifteen years ago and why do none of your photos actually look like you?

I have also dated some gentlemen who for whatever reason there was not a spark with, probably both ways.

It is a numbers game and yours will come up when the time is right.

Reading everyone else's stories has given me a little bit of hope that my number will come up too and that I am definitely not alone. Plus I kind of do now believe it's not me, before I kind of thought it was IYKWIM.

Sorry about your date Master