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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Abusive ex slapped 7yr old son across the face

54 replies

Blondeorbrunette · 25/11/2013 23:50

My ex husband slapped our son across the face cos he (ex) was rowing with me, I walked away. My son was trying to come to me and he was slapped.

Feel so sad for my children as their dad is a total cunt.

What can I do re his access??

OP posts:
RedLondonBus · 25/11/2013 23:52

What's his access? Court ordered?

FreeAtLastAtLongLast · 25/11/2013 23:52

Call the police, now

KissesBreakingWave · 25/11/2013 23:54

Police. What he did was assault and needs to result in at least an arrest and caution.

BlackeyedSusan · 25/11/2013 23:54

second calling the police.

bunchoffives · 25/11/2013 23:54

I don't think you can allow access to continue as if nothing happened. You probably should get some professional guidance, from solicitor or CAB, or possibly SS?

BrianTheMole · 25/11/2013 23:55

Police. I would report it and get it on record.

FreeAtLastAtLongLast · 25/11/2013 23:57

Social services would expect you to protect your DS from harm, and that means keeping his attacker away from him. And from you too, don't engage with him at all

Original poster
Blondeorbrunette · 26/11/2013 00:08

Yes his access is court ordered. We were separated for a while, access for every other weekend was given in May. We tried to work things out and just left the order in place.
I'm dealing with a nutter here. He has been building a case against me for some time. He wants to take the children from me so has been making notes for some time.

For example, if called over to a friend and I wasn't back til late, maybe two/three in the morning he has recorded me parking my car and walking into the house. At the same time he shows date and time from sky as proof of what time I came home. You can also hear him saying "here she comes home at this time again".

In front of the kids he did/does call me names.

We have a young daughter also and he once poured a box of cereal over her head and tried to make her clean it up. I walked into the kitchen at this point.

He went to the police and the officer told me it wasn't for her to judge how someone disciplined their child. I said that's abuse but she was having none of it.

I contacted social services and they did fuck all.

The same police station turned me away when I went their to report an assault when he head butted me. I ad a facial injury and they said they could do nothing as it was my word against his. I just walked out of there and did nothing.

The list in endless.

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 26/11/2013 00:17

call the police and report it to childline and ss
write everything down

is he stalking you? recording you coming home....

trashcanjunkie · 26/11/2013 00:18

and if the police do nothing get in touch with your local mp or counsellor. things seem to happen when they are on your side. good luck

Whatnext074 · 26/11/2013 00:19

How is your DS?

Lweji · 26/11/2013 00:20

Are you living with him now?

Whatnext074 · 26/11/2013 00:23

I'd advise to see the GP every time as well so you have it on your medical record.

IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 26/11/2013 00:24

Your poor ds. Hope you both are ok.

What happened following the slap? DS reaction/ your reaction/ ex reaction?

Original poster
Blondeorbrunette · 26/11/2013 00:25

No he's not stalking me, he was recording me when we lived together. I think in his own mind he knew the marriage was coming to an end and wanted to get some shit on me. Although I didn't know it at the time, he had joined 15 websites looking for sex.

My ds is fine on the surface but he is a troubled little boy. He hits his sisters and talks to me like a piece of shit. He has also recently strayed calling me lazy. What can I do to help him?

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/11/2013 00:27

Have you talked to the GP? They may refer the children to a psychologist who would be able to assess them and prepare a report for social services.

prh47bridge · 26/11/2013 00:29

If there was no bruising, swelling, cuts, grazes or scratches the police will not be interested as, contrary to what other posters have said, he has committed no crime. It is not assault and he will not be cautioned. Whether or not you agree with what he did, the law regards it as "reasonable chastisement". And it is likely to be your word against his regarding the actual circumstances. He may will argue that he slapped your son to punish him for something he was doing.

I am not surprised that the police and social services weren't interested in him pouring cereal over your daughter's head. As an isolated incident it would not be classified as abuse.

As far as the courts are concerned the contact order is for the children to see their father, not the other way around. If he is living with you currently the contact order is not really relevant. However if he is not living with you and you stop contact he can take action to enforce the existing order. You can apply for a change to the existing order but you would need to show that circumstances had changed. The courts may well regard this as a difference over how your children should be disciplined, in which case it would not justify any variation of the order.

Original poster
Blondeorbrunette · 26/11/2013 00:33

if I don't know I could see straight away what had happened as my boy had a hand print on his face and neck. He told me "daddy slapped my face" I gave him a hug and told him his father would never do that again to him. I stayed with him til I calmed down then went downstairs to ex and asked him wtf did he think he was doing. He starts on that I wasn't there, he deserved it. He said their is no discipline with kids from me that my parenting I swishy washy. It's not. I just don't believe that kids should be brought up in fear.

He thinks the kids should only have to be told to do something once and do it. He thinks fear is respect.

I just can't fight this bastard.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blondeorbrunette · 26/11/2013 00:39

The cereal incident was isolated. It was the only time he has ever done anything like this.

At the time tho we were living in the same house as I had a safety order which then became a protection order once we both went to court. He has a conviction for dv against me and was on probation for nine months.

There had been many calls to the house by the police because if him yet they ignored what he did to my daughter.

I was going to take a pic if my sons face but was scared he would ask my son if I had taken a pic and he would then have taken my phone from me.

OP posts:
PrivatePeaceful · 26/11/2013 00:39

You need support to help you stand up to this bully.

Call the police, nspcc will also assist you.

You sound emotionally drained, but you need to let your ex that this behaviour is utterly unacceptable.

YoniMatopoeia · 26/11/2013 00:39

Is he in your house?

PrivatePeaceful · 26/11/2013 00:40

Let your ex "know"

Lweji · 26/11/2013 00:40

Does it still show? Could you take a photo of it?

Do contact a regional DV unit and every existing child protection related agency around.

He is 7, so he should be able to tell what happened.

And I'd be taking a new case to court asap.

You need to pursue all possible paths, not get directly angry at him. He's looking for a reaction. And get as many witnesses as possible.

Lweji · 26/11/2013 00:41

You also need other people with you at handovers, it they happen again.

Lweji · 26/11/2013 00:42

If you can't get people to be with you, then arrange another handover place, even if it is the police station.