I think I've done something I shouldn't (tmi)

[blushingm]

Saturday night I got a fb message from a bloke I went to school with. Hi how are you etc..........he's in a hotel room and feeling horny. I thought he was messing about at first but he started asking do I like to play with myself - toy or fingers? Etc

Anyway for the next few hours - til about 4.30 in the morning we were saying what we were doing to ourselves - what wed do to each other - really explicit stuff.

He emailed me a pic of his hardon - later on a pic of him covered in cum. He was asking me for pics - I did send one of my boobs but nothing any more intimate.....and we left it at that

Later in the afternoon - I get a message - what are you wearing? I'm in bed - at home - naked. Tell me what you'd do to me? A few messages back and forth but it fizzled out

Is this cheating? I have a dh and 2 kids, he has a gf and a dd.
I think I just got swept up in the excitement but I'm starting to feel guilty

If my dh did this, I'd be packing his bags. just how disrespectful can you get!! I don't give a shit about your self esteem, get a councillor rather than let some bloke get his rocks off on you.

How would you feel if your DH did this to you?

Ooooh, naughty, naughty. I'd be having a complete shtfit if my DP did this. This is worse than online livesexchatsitestuff - as one poster said the evidence is still out there, in the hands of a sleazebag by the sounds of it. If it were me I'd sit him down DH that is and say, Darlin', I've massively fcked up and I'm sorry and I feel like a complete dirtbag as I've damaged our relationship by my selfish, inconsiderate actions. Where do you want to go from here? I will be probably the hardest thing to do but well for me anyway, I can't live with secrets. Bringing other people into a relationship is never a smart move and dealing with the consequences is always a start. It's only fair your DH knows what he is dealing with.

Yes, it is cheating. Put it behind you, don't do it again and move on.
I think it indicates that you need to do something within your relationship to get the passion back.

Ignore the Morally Outraged on here OP, you won't be the first or last to do something not-quite-OK in a long relationship. If everyone committed relationship hara-kiri over stuff like this few relationships would last very long.

Forgive yourself, Forget it, get on with your life. Probably a sign to think about other issues though, as you have realized in your posts.

(BTW if she was a man I'd be saying the same, but I know most posters would be howling LTB and baying for my blood )

Op put it behind you and move on. Sure it's made you think more about what's lacking in your relationship and maybe sorting that out a little. Good luck

OP I don't know if you'll come back to this but can you understand why some people are so irate? Some people could be ok about this but a fair number of us couldn't. Decide whether your husband would want to know (not whether you think you could live with the secret, but whether he honestly would want to know) and tell him if the answer is yes.

I'd want to know. I think it's incredibly sleazy and horrible and betraying in so many ways and I'm not sure I could get past it but if I found out after the fact from someone else I sure as fuck wouldn't forgive that.

I very much doubt she'll be back.

She was looking for sympathy about her 'low self esteem' and for a conversation about how her 'stale sex life' and husband's 'performance anxiety' made her do it.

I also think Alittlestranger hit a very raw nerve and got it spot on.

I would be completely crushed if my DP did this, completely

Of course it's cheating.

Why not send those type of messages to your husband?

hear, hear Lazeyjaney. It seems to be all about judgement first, positive contributions second-a common theme.

Oh please. If my friend told me this my reaction would be the same. I certainly wouldn't be delving in to their self esteem problems but asking wtf they were thinking and whether they were going to tell their partner they cheated.

If my DH done this I'd physically throw him out the door and he wouldn't be getting back in again ever.

I'm going to go against the flow here. I don't think you had any intention of leaving your husband for this man, and basically it served as a sort of fantasy for you (which was a bit daft because after all this is a man who knows you).

I think you need on improving your sex life with your husband because you are clearly dissatisfied. You are ready to show another man your tits, so there's something going wrong here. And no, I wouldn't tell your husband. It would only hurt him, and it's been a one-off. But don't ever do this again, or else leave.

And yes, I would say this if the OP had been a man too.

Christ, some of you tugging your judgy pants are way over the top. It must be great to be in a perfect world whereby you never put a foot wrong

And watching someone else fuck up then going to town on them is like throwing rotten food at the soul in the stocks

Have some mercy on the OP she already feels like shit and PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES.

If OP tells her DH, which I don't think is necessary over a virtual event which I guess will never happen again, it will make the whole thing far worse; fuck up her DH & the DCS.

Some things are best put down to bad experience and I think this is one of them ( OP you don't need to share the guilt, unless of course you want to )

Taking all the emotion out of it for a second, it's more about creating an equal playing field I'd say, rather than sharing the guilt. It's also lying by omission and creating a dishonest environment, not an ideal environment for any relationship long term.

"If my DH done this I'd physically throw him out the door and he wouldn't be getting back in again ever"

But it's not an errant DH that you want to throw out here, but what you would you like to happen to you if you screwed up.

And IMO those who cannot imagine it happening to them are those most likely to fall.

Hi - thanks to you all- those who think and terrible and those who are trying to help. I came on here for advice not sympathy

I'm not going to tell dh - it won't achieve anything but upset him.

I've also had a chat with a good friend this afternoon. She's helped me to put things straight in my head. We're going to meet up for a cuppa and more of a chat later in the week

Good call OP. You can bet most of the morally outraged on here would keep schtum if they were in your shoes.

Agree Lazy

I'd say (as I would if it was a bloke doing it) "What on earth were you thinking of?"

If you're not going to do it again, delete the evidence, and say nothing.
If you are, you need to have the open chat with your parther about where your relationship is headed.

Sadly it's the DH's shoes I've been in so you can stick your 'Morally Outraged' label up your arse.

You don't want impartial advice OP, that's abundantly clear.

I'm out.

It's not morally outraged to think it was a fucking stupid thing to do.

How many times have people posted on here about how heartbroken they are about their partners using porn, chat rooms, talking to exes, having emotional affairs.

The damage it does to a relationship is enormous.
It is cheating to me. If I found that my DH had done that, I would be devestated.

"It is cheating to me. If I found that my DH had done that, I would be devestated"

But this isn't about what you'd do if your DH did it to you, it's about what you would do if you did it to your DH.

Seems a lot of people on here have extreme difficulty imagining a situation where it's themselves in the wrong!

And of course she should keep quiet, how is it possibly going to help anyone if this comes out. I reckon the number of people on here who would actually tell their DH if they did it is a big, round 0