I think I've done something I shouldn't (tmi)

[blushingm]

Saturday night I got a fb message from a bloke I went to school with. Hi how are you etc..........he's in a hotel room and feeling horny. I thought he was messing about at first but he started asking do I like to play with myself - toy or fingers? Etc

Anyway for the next few hours - til about 4.30 in the morning we were saying what we were doing to ourselves - what wed do to each other - really explicit stuff.

He emailed me a pic of his hardon - later on a pic of him covered in cum. He was asking me for pics - I did send one of my boobs but nothing any more intimate.....and we left it at that

Later in the afternoon - I get a message - what are you wearing? I'm in bed - at home - naked. Tell me what you'd do to me? A few messages back and forth but it fizzled out

Is this cheating? I have a dh and 2 kids, he has a gf and a dd.
I think I just got swept up in the excitement but I'm starting to feel guilty

Could you take up knitting or summat ?

I don't deserve handholding (with or without sterile gloves and gallons of hand sanitiser )

I can't understand why I went along with it -

maybe because he couldn't see me? Last time I saw him I had a whiter than white image and was thin. Now I'm fat - if he could see me it would have been a real turn off

I've got to forget this - I'm feel so guilty. Can't blame him - i had a choice

I doubt you weight has much to do with anything except you self esteem which may have contributed to why it happened.
Have you told your husband, do you have an active sex life?

The only one assuming he'd have been turned off by the real you is you. It sounds like you're not in a good place and need your self-esteem validating. Unfortunately relying on FB randoms to do this is a futile strategy. Has your DH done or said anything to suggest he doesn't find you as attractive or is this all in your own head?

And for god's sake don't tell him.

You know that this was wrong. And I think you already feel bad enough about it. I think you now need to be a bit gentle on yourself, and to look at why this was so exciting.

There are some real self-esteem issues there in what you say about your weight, and not feeling good enough exactly as you are right now. I'm willing to bet your DH finds you VERY attractive, it's just that you don't think you are in your own head. At a guess (and this is just a guess), could it be that what turned you on about this had nothing to do with the guy and everything to do with an escape from your own feelings of self-criticism.

Struggling you may have a point there

Dh says he loves me all time time and how he finds me attractive - but inside my own I can't understand how that can be true

I find it abhorrent that some of you have posted;
"delete the messages, block him" etc etc etc.

You are encouraging this woman that it is fine to lie to her husband.

Had it been the other way round some of you would have been baying for the husbands blood.

Close ranks eh!

Andy - I'd deleted the messages yesterday. I know what I did wasn't right. No ones denying that

Don't beat yourself up, you didn't actually DO anything, besides type words.

You must have a really high sex drive, or be a very sexual person.. that sort of kinky stuff makes me feel ill!

Of course she did something

I would divorce my H is he ever did this. Bloody awful behaviour and shows utter contempt towards to your partner while he sleeps beside you.

*if

I don't think it's fine to lie to her husband.

I do think it's best to block the said person in case he contacts her again and DH sees it, that's not a nice way to find out, seeing a picture of another mans cock.

Ah come on.... there is a huge difference between typing filth and touching someone.

OP feels terrible and is never going to do it again. There is NOTHING to be gained by telling her husband.

My rule is that if you can't show /tell your DP about it then its cheating.

What to do now is a bit of a grey area. If its an issue in the relationship you need to focus on fixing it, obviously. Your DP will likely be devastated and it will probably cause severe damage to your relationship. ( it would be a deal breaker in mine) but can you live with not telling him?!

I didn't say she should tell her husband

Would you be ok with a partner of yours doing this, elskovs ?

It's just typing, right ?

No, we don't need to examine why you did it, or consider your low self-esteem blah blah blah.

What you did is disgusting and wrong. You cheated on your husband. It's as simple as that. You have broken the trust in your marriage. What you have done has fundamentally changed your relationship, regardless of whether your husband finds out or not.

All you are doing here is looks for ways to justify your behaviour.

You did it once and got away with it. You're even attempting to blame your husband. You'll do it again. No question.

No, gosh Id be horrified! But she feels awful already, knows she shouldn't have done it. Just be grateful he didn't find out and try to forget about it OP x

Sorry that is disgusting. All those who are looking at esteem issues are not helping. If she was a Man U would be saying ltb.

U should be ashamed

OP - I've been there (however I was single at the time). The initial thrill was gone very quickly, and I was actually really scared afterwards that the guy would turn into a sex obsessed stalker. The bloke you went to school with probably messaged every woman he has ever liked that night, and he got lucky with you.

I get the low self esteem thing though. Try to work on it, together with your partner. Whether you tell him or not is up to you. If I was your partner, I'd want to know. I wouldn't necessarily leave a partner over something like that. It is not an affair.

I think leaving based on this alone, by any gender, would be an over-reaction. But once it's out there it's given disproportionate weight and will weigh on her DH if he finds out about it, so that's why I think she should keep quiet. But the OP has been bloody stupid and frankly seems a bit pathetic. She should feel digusted and shocked but rather than feeling sorry for herself I think she deserves a bit of support to work out why she did this and to try and put better safeguards in place in future.

She doesn't need 'support' at all.
And why the hell does she need to 'put safeguards in place'?

Utter bollocks.

No one needs to safeguard themselves against cheating.
Normal decent people just don't do it.

Oh OP - what a huge mistake!

You know you HAVEN'T deleted the conversation, don't you? You've deleted your half. The entire conversation - everything you said, and a picture of your boobs - is out there in the ether. He most likely hasn't deleted the convo or your boobs as he's still probably getting cheap thrills off them both!

Now your entire relationship is at the mercy of whether or not he is careful with his phone/computer and whether he keeps them to himself or shows his grubby little mates, and whether his girlfriend finds out.

Delete him, block him, remove him and anyone who knows you both from your life - and then take this as a massive warning regarding your marriage and look for ways you can fix what is wrong in it to make you do something so utterly stupid and disrespectful.

There very possibly isn't anything wrong in her marriage at all. There is something wrong with her, though.