Just got copy of injunction. advise please

[wontletmesignin]

I have just got the copy of the injunction papers which were served on my ex.

It states that i must report everything.

I have received 6 txt messages from him between the 17th and 18th of this month.
I didnt report it because i chose to just ignore and couldnt be bothered.
There wasnt anything nasty or threatening in these txts.

My question is...should i report it now? I still have them on my phone.

hugs I hope it goes well with the therapist. Think you need some real life backing up right now. You're doing amazingly on your own, your life has really, really changed in the last few months. Bit of support irl is always good :)

wontletmesignin, I think the more severe the shock he gets from whatever sentence is handed down, the more likely it is to have the desired effect. Going to prison, for however short a time, is a massive shock for most people, I think.

I imagine spending the weekend in the nick is quite a sobering experience for most people.

Good luck, thinking of you...

You're being incredibly strong, you know. Just think how far you've come already. The therapist does sound a good idea, because the number he's done on you over you feeling responsible for his behaviour is lingering, isn't it?

All he had to do was obey the court order. That was all. He couldn't even do that, because he thinks the rules don't apply to him. He's about to learn otherwise, but he made that choice - not you.

Thank you all
Therapist was here for couple of hours.

He has advised me to cut contact full stop
Not even allkw my ds near him.
He says i am a rescuer and he has taken advantage of my kind and caring nature and knocked my self worth...ive never had any. So we are going to work on that. 20 weeks he says for that.

He is ringing social services because of concerns regarding my ex. He advised i do the same in order to get them to work quicker.

He advised me to change ds nursery.
He advised me to contact my old ex to try and sort things out....if and when im ready.
As he thinks he would bring me stability i need. Like i said...only if i want to. Which im not ready yet. Maybe in the future..but i cant even bring myself to tell hjm what hss happened.
I feel so guiltt for allowing his son go be around this for so long.
He suffered - i wasnt allowed to buy him things - opened my eyes when he asked why i never buy him anything like i do my exes ds

I always felt bad about it, but he would make it out ljke i wasnt doing anything wrong.
I did buy him things - but arguements happened.

My therapist noticed how he was last time my therapist came. He said he spoke for me and exaggerated my symptoms.
He says he sounds like he is a narcassist personality with borderline personality.

He says i should not feel bad about cutting all contact - i should feel proud as im protecting my dc.
This is the most difficult part for me, but like he said. This is all my exes work - that is why i feel bad. I need to stop.
He will help me, and he really thinks i should tell my old ex. But i dont think i can.

He was very helpful. Assured me that i am nkt as bad as ex has made me out to be - i am handling my anxiety well.

They also have it all on record all of the things he has said about my 'illness'
They knew it wasnt true. He said how could i phone you up and say that though. He couldnt.

As for the courts. He is on bail. Pleaded not guilty and will go on trial on the 20th of dec or jan. I can t remember which month.

But im guessing if my ds is not in nursery on friday for him to pick up, all hell will break loose.

Therapist said he would back me up - ss would back me up - my solicitor. So i shouldnt worry. But that is easier said than done.

He also said stop contact with gp too.
Save my children he said

Ooh and he is also sending a referral to a proper, proper place to try and understand my anorexic style eating disorder. Which will be great to finally be in a position where i might actually get some answers!

Can i just add - my therapist is through the community treatment team. These people were shocked when they came t see me as the people they deal with are whether intervention is required or not. Hospitsl treatment. He says from the start - they havent been able to understand how and why i was with them.
He says because of my ex exaggerating my symptoms - i was robbed of a proper referral to the people for thr right treatment - CBT.

He made out at the doctors that i was a schizophrenic or something, having psychotic episodes.
He carried this on durjng my initial assessment with the CTT and made out i was aggressive.

He claimed i was a hoarder. But my therapist said that im not. And i know im not. Although, for a time i believed i was.
I believed i wss a psychopath and felt deeply saddened that all of the feelings i had felt for my kids were possibly fake.

But then couldnt understand how j felt sad, if i was indeed a psychopath. The doctors assured me i wasnt. Sounds really bad when i read that

it sounds generally very positive, but for one thing. He said stop contact with the GP? why?

If he says get in touch with social services, wontletme, then he is advising it becuase they can help you and any woman on her own in your circumstances needs help. Please, follow his advice.

And honestly - well done.

Grandparents - sorry gp, gp lol oops.

I will follow the advice meerka. On my list of phone calls for tomorrow

Thank you xx

Glad you're getting the help and support you need. I'm not quite sure about your dc though; do you have one (nursery-aged) with this ex, and another by the previous ex? (You don't have to answer, I'm just a bit confused.)

This ex is doing himself no favours by pleading not guilty, he'll get a heavier sentence than if he'd put his hands up to it now.

oldladyknowsnothing 3yr old in nursery with ex.
5 yr old with old ex. And 9 and 10 yr old by another abusive git.
Sounds terrible but i was only 16 when i had my eldest.

Yes he is doing himself no favours. We have the evidence. So he can plead not guilty all he likes.

Im in court tomorrow for the follow up on the injunction. He will be there

You have a lot on your hands, then. Is there someone who can go to court with you? I know how intimidating I found my friend's ex, and he really had nothing to do with me. If you're in touch with Women's Aid, they can be fantastically helpful.

Yes either my mam or dad are coming. I need oneof them to look after ds as he comes out of nursery at 12 and court starts at half 12.

Thankfully they can do this! I have been in touch with womens aid. Around the start of all of this. Not recently.
The domestic violence people phoned today to see what services they could offer me. Obviouslh been reffered through the courts.
They are sending me the leaflets for me to see what is on offer.

Other than my parents - i have no one. I cannot talk to couple of friends i do have as they arent close. I tried, but then she told me she had a seizure and i felt awful and havent tried since.

I feel like im selish when i try and talk about my problems. Even on here when im trying to tell others i have been in their position - it makes me feel selfish.

You are definitely not selfish, I've seen you post really supportive comments on other threads. Even going through all of this you are thinking of others and helping them.

OP I am soo soo happy to hear all the positives from the therapist!!! He's worth his weight in gold! I hope you can somehow process all this; it's coming at you so fast. And do not take your ds to that nursery on Friday; maybe the court session tomorrow will help you see even more why that is not a good idea.

I can't see how you manage so well, with 4 dcs and this man to deal with on top of it all! Please have a cup of tea and get a good night's sleep. If you don't take care of yourself, who will be there for the Cs?

You feel selfish because someone with serious personality disorders has spent a lot of time and effort making you feel that way, after another abuser basically groomed you when you were still a kid yourself (and therefore made you more vulnerable to being abused again by someone else, later). You're anything but selfish. You know how much you've underplayed what you've been through with him, even on here? The ONLY real concerns you raised in the past were over his treatment of your kids - they have always been your priority.

I know you won't know this, but believe me when I say being told to cut all contact with a child's father and wider paternal family is incredibly rare on the part of professionals. They usually advocate trying to maintain contact if at all possible. For them to be saying this is incredibly serious, and you are clearly in an extreme situation. You should be proud that you are holding it together so well after such sustained psychological terrorism. You may not feel like it, but you're doing so amazingly. Think if this was your dd, and she'd coped with all you have and still kept a good heart and her sanity and was a good mum - how proud would you be of her? You're a victim of a nutter. You didn't do this, you didn't choose it. You are NOT responsible for his criminal and immoral abuse of the person who cared for him most. And if you were responding to any other poster on here, you'd know that, wouldn't you.

Have you contacted Victim Support and asked for some help from them? And your solicitor, too, about tomorrow and about ending contact? Also agree that you could get back in touch with Women's Aid. All of them are there to help someone in your exact situation, that's why they exist. That's the point. Please access that help - you so deserve it.

Oh, and also maybe get in touch with Homestart? You're a single mum of 4 with a snivelling excuse for a human being harassing you. You bloody well DESERVE support from any area you can find it, and they offer really practical help - playing with the kids so you can have a rest or a bath in peace, housework even. Just a friendly face and a cuppa if that helps most. Honestly, access them. That's why they were set up. They want parents who need a bit of a hand to do it - that's the whole point of their existence.

Good to hear you're getting proper support. :)

And fingers crossed for January.

whitsernam it really is all coming at me so fast. Tbh i dnt know how i am handling it as well as i feel i am. I hope im not going to crash when it ends. I know im not doing too bad at all - as when im stressed or anxious, i cant eat. I have been eating, so...dont know if it is determination or not. Im pleased im eating though as it will be keeping my strength up.

Fridah is the therapists only concern. He is worried i dont have the strength - i dont know if i have. But i will do it. I need to do it.

Thank you all soo soo much for your kind words and support. It means an awful lot to me! You have all helped me through all of this! Yous are the only people i come to! I cant talk to my parents about it. I cn give them little bits but thats it.

perfectstorm i know - i was shocked when he said cut contact completely! I know they dont do that. He says he woudnt usualy advise people and he says he is only advising me. But come the end of it - he was telling me. He even says i am telling you...do not take your son on friday.

That scared me enough to know that i need to it.

I will ring womens aid tomorrow. I dont really knkw what to say to them though? I feel they have helped me enough. I dont know where i can go from here?

It may have been victim support that contacted me. Im not sure.
I sill have a look on their website - do theh have one?

Homestart i hvent heard of. So will look into that.
Thank you.
I have to admit, i do feel like i need support in rl.

Thank you all again xxxx

Oh and perfecfstorm i would feel proud of my dd. I can see it for how it is. But only for a short while. Its like a game of ping pong in my head. I see it and feel strong - then i dont and feelits my fault.
I feel like i am bringing this all onto myself and him.

But that would mean i would still be stuck with him sitting back, doing nothing and allowing him to be the knob he was/is.
At least this way, i am standing up for what i believe.

I hope that makes sense

wont, if your therapist was that determined that you should not take your son Friday ... please, please, don't. Not for anything.

Glad to hear you are eating.

I don't know if this will help, but sometimes feelings are very deceptive. You may feel worthless, bad, inadequate, but those feelings are the hangover from the years of people telling you bad things. If you remember that they are -just- feelings and not always the reality, that can help. You still might feel bad, but knowing that they are not the reality can help a bit.

Talk to women's aid, tell them what has happened and that your therapist has recommended you ask for support. At worst they can simply point you in the directoin of someone else, and at best they can help you.

Keep on keeping on :)

Excellent points meerka you are right about womens aid - i have nothing to lose!

I wont take ds to nursery on friday. Im not even going to tell the nursery. Or should i? Im still annoyed at her saying he is a good dad and how i should try and get the same relationship i have with my 5yo dad!

That was very well said what you said about the feelings being just that - feelings.
I think i might be half way there ...with the ping pong effect in my head. Its my bloody self doubt! Im going to have to trust my gut.

Thank you meerka xx

Hi OP,

Well done on all the progress you've made.

Just to let you know I'm a criminal barrister and have represented hundreds of men like your ex.

If you want any advice/information on the process feel free to PM me.

Thank you so much summerbreezer xx

won't, ring the nursery and tell them and please, tell them the circumstances. I would ask the professionals here (your therapist and social services) but they may well recommend that you instruct the nursery that he never picks up your son again, and why.

If they know the circumstances they will understand better. Anyone can put on a nice face for 15 mins to drop off and pick up a kid and deceive the staff, so that may be why they think he's a good day. Not their fault, unless they know the background and that the courts are involved, and SS will be soon.

good dad* sorry