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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you throw away a 10+ year friendship if your friend called your child the R-word?

281 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 16/11/2013 09:25

Might cause offence, sorry.

Last night, I uploaded a daft video of my 5yo singing the Fox Song. She absolutely loves the song, and i wanted to share it with my friends and family.

She has HFA and speech/language difficulties. So many of the words weren't clear, she was looking at the side instead of at me/the camera, sounded very monotone (except for the ringdingdingdingdingdering partGrin), was flapping her hands throughout etc.

Anyway, i'm under no false illusions that it was fantastic. It was just a 5yo girl having a sing song.

One of my friends was out at the pub at the time i posted it. She has no kids, nor do the others in my circle of friends, so i doubt this will 'out me'. She commented on it with this (i've fixed the spelling, because it was all text speak which would take me forever to type out):

"Fucking hell. What is this all about? She sounds even more retarded than usual lol (i hate that 'word' almost as much as the R one!). Get this taken down before Facebook remove it for child abuse reasons haha. Check her wee hands out. She's looks like she's going to fly back to Mars any second. Only kidding. But seriously has she been down the pub tonight? She sounds pished! haha!"

I didn't notice the comment for several hours. So it was up there most of the evening. I feel mortified. Lots of other people commented saying she had gone too far etc, but she never replied again. I removed it as soon as i saw it.

Anyway, she phoned me this morning to apologise. She said she was very drunk and it was supposed to be a joke. She said that i should know how much she loves my dd and that i'm seriously over reacting. And DD will be heartbroken if i stop them seeing each other etc.

Basically, i felt like the whole time she was apologising out of duty (not out of guilt) and was making out how much i was over reacting.

We've been good friends since school. We don't get to socialise much nowadays, however, due to me being the only one in the group with a child. But i text her every few days, and call 1-2 times a week for a chat.

I just don't know how to deal with this. I almost feel betrayed. I despise that word. And her whole comment was just vile.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? She's keeps texting me stupid things like 'Hellllooooo, are you receiving me?' She's fairly immature tbh most of the time, but i think she's still drunk as well.

OP posts:
cantheyseeme · 16/11/2013 19:23

It takes a lot to really offend me but i would never speak to anyone who said that, especially on a forum where other people could see it. What a nasty cow, you dont need 'friends' like that.

AngiBolen · 16/11/2013 19:23

Wow. I woulnd't want this person near my child ever again. Sad

And the fact that she's now making herself out to be victimised, would mean I wouldn't much want her near me again.

She's shown her true colours.

hollowhallows · 16/11/2013 19:26

That is vile, chuck her.

LedaOfSparta · 16/11/2013 19:31

utterly utterly vile. This woman isn't a friend of yours, I'd ditch her PDQ.

MyMILisfromHELL · 16/11/2013 19:32

Your 'friend' sounds like a total bitch to be perfectly honest. Even your fb friends were shocked. Ditch her.

bundaberg · 16/11/2013 19:34

good grief!

you are totally right cutting her out of your, and your dd's, life.

what nasty things to say.

I have a son (poss 2) with autism and this would actually have made me cry, and I would have no hesitation in defriending on FB and cutting her out

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 16/11/2013 19:39

OMg that is a heartbreakingly cruel commentSad

The whole thing is vile, how could anyone come out t such vitriol against a child!

You are better off without her opThanks

Corygal · 16/11/2013 19:45

Blimey, the friend's comeback makes her sound even more of a charmer. I'm not usually an auto-LTB, but I would bin this lady.

legoplayingmumsunite · 16/11/2013 19:51

She can fuck off with her 'I'm grieving for my mother' excuse. My friend lost her father as a teenager, she was never a bitch. In fact she wrote me the loveliest card when Dad died. My Dad died 3 years ago, I have never felt the need to use it to be a bitch. It is absolutely no bloody excuse whatsoever.

And yes, if this is the same friend who made all the fuss about the meal out changes then definitely it's time to lose contact. She has been a friend for a season and now it's time to move on without vitriol from you. Don't explain, don't engage, just stop being available. Maybe one day she will grow up and you will be able to be friends again.

nobeer · 16/11/2013 19:52

I got horribly drunk on many an occasion after my dad died, and I'm quite sure I behaved awfully. But I never ever was abusive about any of my friends' children. And if I had I would quite expect not to be part of their lives.

monkeynuts123 · 16/11/2013 20:03

Get this woman out of your life. Utter bitch. I'm sorry she hurt your feelings like that.

LegoAcupuncture · 16/11/2013 20:12

I have a son with autism. If one of my friends said that about him I would never speak to them again.

I'm glad you've listened to the very good advice on this thread op. You and your dd deserve friends who respect you not mock you for all and sundry to see.

Clutterbugsmum · 16/11/2013 20:16

Drop her.

It's not relevent the fact her mum died 4yrs ago. It does not suddenly make her a bitch. That's her true character. Tell her to go to see a councelling rather then a pub.

FWIW my dad died 4, nearly 5 yrs ago, 8 weeks before I my son. 6 weeks after I had my grandad died who I was very close too. Not become a bitch in the last 4/5 yrs.

Clutterbugsmum · 16/11/2013 20:18

4, nearly 5 yrs ago, 8 weeks before I had my son

iwantanafternoonnap · 16/11/2013 20:18

Wow just Wow. How can anybody write that stuff let alone someone who is supposed to be your friend and love your daughter. Now I'm a arse when really drunk but no way would I write that about someone.

She's a bitch and binding behind the fact her mother died. You most certainly are BU to get rid of her!

GiraffesAndButterflies · 16/11/2013 20:23

If she'd really only posted that because of being drunk (Hmm, but let's suppose), she should now be crawling, dragging her face along the floor to your feet and begging your forgiveness.

But instead, she's outraged that you are offended.

Hmm Angry

I'm with everyone else. Dropkick her as fast and as far as you can.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 16/11/2013 20:44

Agree with everyone else. Drop her. She is not your friend. And her 'apology' is shallow, selfserving and doubles her offence.

It's up to you how you communicate that to her. You can choose silence (probably best), or post on her wall (what I'd want to do) 'What you said about DD was unforgivable. She is a beautiful child who reflects the joy in her life. You called her a , implied she was an alien, and said I was guilty of child abuse. Your 'apology' was nothing of the sort. The death of your mother four years ago does not give you carte blanche to treat people as you have treated DD. You recognise you have a problem with alcohol. I suggest that instead of attacking my DD, you seek help. And please stop sending me passive aggressive messages blaming me for your words, and offering vague threats. It helps no one, and upsets me further after what you said about DD.' You could also post what she wrote about DD, just so people see that you are not overreacting.

But of course that could open a whole other can of worms. So dignified silence is probably best. And block her so you don't see the 'Thought ppl were my friends. Turns out they don't care abt me' 'u ok hun x' exchanges that will undoubtedly take place.

ilovebowie · 16/11/2013 21:12

What a bitch!!

Not sure I could forgive that.

KnitFastDieWarm · 16/11/2013 23:40
  1. your dd sounds utterly adorable :) I can't imagine seeing a video of a wee girl singing away and thinking anything but 'aw, bless her'...let alone writing something so nasty!
  2. your 'friend' sounds like a waste of space. get rid.
Katiejon · 17/11/2013 05:19

Disgusting.
I could never be friends again.

sparklysilversequins · 17/11/2013 05:27

Yes without question. I would never speak to her or acknowledge her again.

I have two dc with ASD. I feel so bad for you Sad.

UtterMess · 17/11/2013 08:12

Well done, you are well shot of her. She's obviously a nasty piece of work. I imagine she'll be getting a frosty reception from sone of your other mates as well seeing as she did this very publicly.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 17/11/2013 08:15

She is immature and with people like her, it is only when people like you give her the 'shock' of getting her out of your life that she is likely to grow up, give her moral compass a god tap on the glass and behave in a more respectful manner! I wouldn't consider keeping in contact with someone like her. She's lucky she still has teeth!

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 17/11/2013 08:19

And...another thing....as a previous reply said. You are not throwing away the friendship. She has done this! I am a very laid back person but there are some things that really push my buttons and that would be one of them I'm afraid - ghastly bitch!

changeforthebetter · 17/11/2013 08:31

Wow! Just wow!

I think that's a "friend" you can lose.

Your DD sounds cute and was having fun - what sort of prick makes fun of a little girl? Angry

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