Would you throw away a 10+ year friendship if your friend called your child the R-word?

[EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin]

Might cause offence, sorry.

Last night, I uploaded a daft video of my 5yo singing the Fox Song. She absolutely loves the song, and i wanted to share it with my friends and family.

She has HFA and speech/language difficulties. So many of the words weren't clear, she was looking at the side instead of at me/the camera, sounded very monotone (except for the ringdingdingdingdingdering part), was flapping her hands throughout etc.

Anyway, i'm under no false illusions that it was fantastic. It was just a 5yo girl having a sing song.

One of my friends was out at the pub at the time i posted it. She has no kids, nor do the others in my circle of friends, so i doubt this will 'out me'. She commented on it with this (i've fixed the spelling, because it was all text speak which would take me forever to type out):

"Fucking hell. What is this all about? She sounds even more retarded than usual lol (i hate that 'word' almost as much as the R one!). Get this taken down before Facebook remove it for child abuse reasons haha. Check her wee hands out. She's looks like she's going to fly back to Mars any second. Only kidding. But seriously has she been down the pub tonight? She sounds pished! haha!"

I didn't notice the comment for several hours. So it was up there most of the evening. I feel mortified. Lots of other people commented saying she had gone too far etc, but she never replied again. I removed it as soon as i saw it.

Anyway, she phoned me this morning to apologise. She said she was very drunk and it was supposed to be a joke. She said that i should know how much she loves my dd and that i'm seriously over reacting. And DD will be heartbroken if i stop them seeing each other etc.

Basically, i felt like the whole time she was apologising out of duty (not out of guilt) and was making out how much i was over reacting.

We've been good friends since school. We don't get to socialise much nowadays, however, due to me being the only one in the group with a child. But i text her every few days, and call 1-2 times a week for a chat.

I just don't know how to deal with this. I almost feel betrayed. I despise that word. And her whole comment was just vile.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? She's keeps texting me stupid things like 'Hellllooooo, are you receiving me?' She's fairly immature tbh most of the time, but i think she's still drunk as well.

What a bitch.

She isn't your friend, op.

Absolutely disgusting. Just text her as tell her not to contact you again. What she said was unforgivable.

I'm with randommess and attilla. She said what she was really thinking and you're way better off without her.

She killed the friendship. don't see how you could ever forget what she's said or ever trust her again, now you know what she really thinks, even if you want to.

I'd say 'look, you said what you really thought. It really hurts. Sorry but I'd rather not be in contact".

Drunks don't become vile. Vile people reveal themselves when they are drunk.

Lose her.

Cut off contact and don't speak to her again.. tell her to fuck off if you have too.

It's easier than you think once you do it.

I like shocker's idea, but people who read that and don't know what's about. So, unless you'd be up for explaining it all, I wouldn't. With sadness.

This must be awful for you, OP, but this woman really isn't your friend if she can say something like this about your daughter. Being drunk is not an excuse - as others have said, it just removes inhibitions rather than gives a whole new viewpoint.

Random's suggested text (post at 0934) looks spot on.

Lweji, I didn't think that through... perhaps it would work as a private message.

jesus what a bitch. have nothing to do with her again. hell i am amazed at your restraint as i would have gone ballistic.

I can't think of a single thing that would make that acceptable. Not one. Not even if her entire family were wiped out in a tragic accident the day before - it's entirely irrelevant.

I don't think you can possibly allow someone who views your DD in that way to have access to her.

She doesn't love your DD. No-one who love your DD could look beyond her enjoyment and instead highlight the things that make her life more difficult, ridiculing them.

I wouldn't say "sorry but" at all - she's the one who should be fucking sorry, but she's not!

I'd want to say something on the lines of "I am shocked that you even thought such a thing about a child. You are not a good person to have in either her life or mine. Goodbye." But it's probably better just to block and ignore.

Just that a friend could write that. Glad other friends pulled her up on it.

As the comment was there all evening, your other mates will understand why you want nothing more to do with the malicious caaah.

Being drunk is no excuse for behaving so badly you really are better off NOT to sign up for anymore years with that woman now she's shown you what she's really like!

Try to think of this as being positive if you can. You have now found out what this woman is really like, which is good because now you don't need to waste any more energy and headspace on her.

Far better to have fewer friends than to include people like this in your circle.

I don't like Shockers suggestion tbh.

The reason I hate retard is because it makes having SN an insult, as if to have autism or a learning difficult is the worst thing you can think to say about someone.
So to get your own back by calling her retarded is no better - it still makes a comparison with someone with SN a humiliating and mocking thing.

The retort is nearly as bad to me as the original comments!

Oh god. Now i've received this: 'can't believe you're doing this to me. I thought you were a real friend who understood me. I've not been the same since my mum died. It makes turn to drink. I'm not myself with a drink in me. I'm sitting here in tears that you could be so nasty not letting me see dd again. Who knows what i'll do if that happens."

This will make me sound so nasty, but yes she does play this card every single time she does something bad! It makes people (normally me) forgive her without question.

And no, she will not self harm. She is and always has been an attention seeker.

Okay, number blocked. It's too hard being her friend, and i get nothing in return. I feel lighter already.

I agree totally, Pag.

I'd bin if it were my child.

Wow OP - she thinks you're being the nasty one?? Well she certainly isn't a 'real' friend. She sounds horrible. I would bin her without a second thought.

So sorry that you've had to go through this crap

whew, ewe what a total bitch.

she thought you were a real friend? you are being nasty? She has never heard of mirrors?

grrrrrrr im angry on your behalf.

Mm, no, it doesn't make you sound nasty. You've just realised you were being taken for a mug previously. Do you notice how it's still all about her?

• She wrote it when drunk.
• She isn't remotely sorry, really. Has told you're over-reacting and you know how much she loves your dd.
• She thinks she gets a free pass on hurting other people's feelings because she's mourning someone who died four years ago - someone who, I am quite sure, would have been mortified to read what her daughter had written.

I'm with tethers. Explain to her that you cannot have such a monumental cunt as a friend

The only good point (sort of) is that she's made herself look like a monumental cunt in front of everyone who saw the post on FB. If she'd just said it to you, you might struggle to get anyone to believe she was as vile as she was.

Block her number, block her on FB and block her in life.

Cross-posted with her latest text. What a load of self-centred, wallowing bullshit. You are well out of that, OP.

Yes, just block her. Don't get drawn in.
She is telling you very clearly who she is - selfish, attention seeking, self indulgent, lacking in empathy and really nasty when she thinks she can get away with it.

Oh, get rid! She sounds utterly vile.

just tell her you need space and dont accept any further contact.