Would you throw away a 10+ year friendship if your friend called your child the R-word?

[EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin]

Might cause offence, sorry.

Last night, I uploaded a daft video of my 5yo singing the Fox Song. She absolutely loves the song, and i wanted to share it with my friends and family.

She has HFA and speech/language difficulties. So many of the words weren't clear, she was looking at the side instead of at me/the camera, sounded very monotone (except for the ringdingdingdingdingdering part), was flapping her hands throughout etc.

Anyway, i'm under no false illusions that it was fantastic. It was just a 5yo girl having a sing song.

One of my friends was out at the pub at the time i posted it. She has no kids, nor do the others in my circle of friends, so i doubt this will 'out me'. She commented on it with this (i've fixed the spelling, because it was all text speak which would take me forever to type out):

"Fucking hell. What is this all about? She sounds even more retarded than usual lol (i hate that 'word' almost as much as the R one!). Get this taken down before Facebook remove it for child abuse reasons haha. Check her wee hands out. She's looks like she's going to fly back to Mars any second. Only kidding. But seriously has she been down the pub tonight? She sounds pished! haha!"

I didn't notice the comment for several hours. So it was up there most of the evening. I feel mortified. Lots of other people commented saying she had gone too far etc, but she never replied again. I removed it as soon as i saw it.

Anyway, she phoned me this morning to apologise. She said she was very drunk and it was supposed to be a joke. She said that i should know how much she loves my dd and that i'm seriously over reacting. And DD will be heartbroken if i stop them seeing each other etc.

Basically, i felt like the whole time she was apologising out of duty (not out of guilt) and was making out how much i was over reacting.

We've been good friends since school. We don't get to socialise much nowadays, however, due to me being the only one in the group with a child. But i text her every few days, and call 1-2 times a week for a chat.

I just don't know how to deal with this. I almost feel betrayed. I despise that word. And her whole comment was just vile.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? She's keeps texting me stupid things like 'Hellllooooo, are you receiving me?' She's fairly immature tbh most of the time, but i think she's still drunk as well.

[Tobagostreet]

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you .



I don't think the issue is with the words she used, but rather the sentiment behind them. You do not criticise your friend kids on FB. Ever.

She sounds vile.

No-one needs 'friends' this that.

[bumbumsmummy]

I'd tell her to piss off literally its not just that she said it but she put it out there for all to see and it would eat away at me all the times she played with dd has she really been thinking she's R

Trust has gone so has the friendship a really friend would never post anything like that ever !

Bless your heart your friend is a bitch

[Anniegetyourgun]

That apology was no apology at all. If she'd stuck at "She said she was very drunk and it was supposed to be a joke. She said that i should know how much she loves my dd" then you might, given time to cool down a bit, make allowances. But then she goes on the attack. You are said to be over-reacting (so how sorry does that sound?), and then there's the guilt trip about DD being heartbroken. It doesn't sound like DD really needs people like that in her life.

From your later post it seems your so-called friend has been getting away with far too much for far too long. Four years after her mother died she's still playing on it? How many other people do you know who have lost a parent? Do they all use it as an excuse to behave like dicks for ever after?

[Ahole]

Its not just the word, its the whole nasty piss take of your little dd, who sounds fab by the way

[FobblyWoof]

Horrible person. I'd drop her instantly. Yes you dd might be upset at the loss of friendship but imagine how upset she'd be if she'd heard what your friend had said.

[PacificDogwood]

Yes, this struck me too - playing the bereavement card 4 years after the loss of a parent seems a bit odd.
How old is your 'friend'??

She has an awful lot of growing up to do

[pumpkinkitty]

If she really loved your DD like she says a drunken comment on that should have been a slightly incoherent rambling about how adorable/cute it is and how lovely it is to see her enjoying herself etc etc.

The fact that she would use retard to describe anyone, even worse your DD, is shameful.

I would be tempted to tell her if she thinks you're over reacting she'd be more than comfortable making that comment to your DDs face (I'm not suggesting she does this at all, and I'm guessing she'll not want to either) that might make her see how horrid she was being!

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

I can't see how it would be possible to keep the friendship after this. I personally don't think I would be able to forget, it would always be there.

[FCEK]

don't text her back again, ever.
defriend her on facebook (and block her).
Avoid social situations with her.
If you do see her, and/or she approaches you, tell her why you want nothing to do with her.

She's a horrible person

[EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin]

Reading your comments has made me realise how right you all are. It's a struggle trying to keep in touch with them these days due to work, uni, dd etc, so I think i'm so scared of losing my friends that I'm willing to just put up with any old rubbish. But i really don't think i'll be able to speak to her again without bubbling with rage.

She's 25, so should have grown up long ago. I really do think school is the only thing we have in common nowadays. We are two very different people.

It feels like the end of an era. I'll probably have a little cry later then hopefully that's that...

How could anyone be so cruel? I'm growing more livid now rather than more sad. DD hasn't seen her for ages (months) but does talk about her a lot.

[PacificDogwood]

{hug}

Friendships do change over a lifetime and it sounds like this one has reached its expire date.
Have your wee cry, stay angry and move onwards and upwards.

[Sammie101]

I would definitely end any friendship, how dare she talk about your daughter like that?! Especially when she is (presumably) aware that your daughter has some difficulties with speech!

[ExcuseTypos]

You will feel sad today but you should be glad you've found out sooner rather than later, what she's really like. She's shown her true colours and you don't need someone like that in your life.

[Gruntfuttock]

I agree with the others. Cut her out of your life immediately, completely and permanently.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Ha! By the sound of it then, you don't have to "stop them seeing each other" as she so emotively put it; you just don't have to make an extra efforts to enable them to see each other. I'm sorry DD has lost what appeared to be a fun friend but in genuine terms it will be no loss at all.

Wondering whether the others in your friendship group are worth still making the effort to see or if they are surgically attached to this ghastly woman.

[WhoNickedMyName]

I automatically de-friend anyone on FB that uses the R word and tell them publicly, by posting on their wall, exactly why.

I'd struggle not to punch your 'friend' in the face next time I saw her tbh. Everything she said was vile, not just that particular word.

Hope you're ok x

[SlatternismyMiddlename]

I am fairly easy going about most things , but I could not forgive or forget what she has said. It was truly awful.

Friendships move on because people change. I am no longer friends with any of my school best friends because we all went in different directions, but now have other fabulous friends I have met through work and through my DCs. Your life has moved on - move on without taking that nasty piece of work with you.

[Fontofnowt]

Ewe, your ex friend is a massive cunt.
Your dd will face plenty enough cunts in life without having this one on tap.

I can offer my own HFA tic service to accidentally slap the turd on dd behalf.

[LibraryBook]

I doubt she intended it cruelly. She's just immature and thoughtless. Try not to waste your energy feeling angry.

[LinghamStyle]

Those are not the words/actions of a friend. Don't bother with her again.

Oh yes, and if/when you should ever see her again then you should kill her deid.

[HellonHeels]

what way is there to intend that message if not cruelly?

it IS a cruel message.

I think she needs to be removed from your life OP to make room for better people.

[shockers]

I've made a few amendments to her post.

Fucking hell. What was all that about? You sound even more retarded than usual LOL. Get this taken down before Facebook remove it for child abuse reasons haha. Check your wee brain out. You sound like you're going to get arrested for offensive drunken behaviour. Only kidding. But seriously have you been down the pub tonight? You sound pished and vile! haha!

Post that on her page and see how funny she thinks it is .

[saintmerryweather]

what a vile disgusting person she is. do you really need someone who thinks that about your precious daughter to be around her? id be tempted to tell her what a vile cunt she is before defriending her

[AmberLeaf]

I too have a child with autism and I would be very upset at a comment like that. I would find that very hard to forgive.

I think that would end the friendship for me.

What a horrible situation for you. Such a betrayal.

You don't need a 'friend' like this.

[bluebirdwsm]

That is one nasty person, and she has just shown what is in her mind, usually hidden but there all the same.

I ended a long friendship with someone who used to snipe at my DIL, called her a snob because she wanted to walk down a staircase in a big house when she got married! [And she did, good for her].

....And other pathetic remarks/digs at what my family were doing - BTW I did not give any opinions on her 2 [long suffering] children or what they were doing, none of my business.

She got pissy when I was left an inheritance, that was all childish.

Then when she heard her 3rd grandchild was on the way and it meant her 'shelling out' for yet another Christmas/birthday present each year - she spat out 'I wish the baby would die, I wish it was dead'.

I walked away. I suggest you do the same. That is not a friend, it is someone being false to your face, judging you and your daughter, and smirking when your back is turned.