i am gutted the doctor wants to call social services

[superdry]

i have posted previously about problems i have been having with my dh, he is abusive and threatens violence, although so far has never hit me but has pushed me, threatens to chuck me out of 'his' house etc etc.

Following advice on here i contacted womens aid, following their advice i went to see my doctor to report it, so it is officially logged - i guess for future reference if need be and also to talk about my options in terms of counselling etc.

Now doctor has just rung me and informed me they have discussed my case and the protocol is to report to social services because i have young children in the house, although i have explained they are in no way in any danger, i am absolutely gutted and bitterly regret involving the doctor.

anyone have any experience of this, or any advice much appreciated, but please not a chorus of LTBs, i can't cope with that right now and i am trying to convince DH to go on a course to sort out his issues

Ahole - very interesting observation. I had anger issues post birth. I couldn't understand it, very very poor support from external people eg dr, HV. Ex H didn't understand it either - in hindsight I wondered if it was menopause. But perhaps not. Sorry not very supportive to OP but a light bulb moment for me.

Perfectstorm I think HE is the primary caregiver, technically, at the moment. Am I right Superdry?

Domestic violence services have to report CP concerns. They are not exempt.

DP went home the other day to see a door window and the remote control smashed. When he talked to his mum she said his dad had held her on the floor by her throat with a fist raised but didn't actually hit her. DP was mortified. She said it'd happened before but to him when he was 11 years old. (He doesn't remember). She moved out with the children then but when that house burnt down came back.
DP doesn't know how often this sort of thing has happened since.

I guess my point is, you think your kids are safe but think very carefully about whether it's possible he could turn on them too. If you won't leave for yourself, don't make the assumption that you being around can stop things happening to your kids.

EirikurNoromaour are you serious? But surely that's massively counter-productive, because some women will be afraid to seek help?

Fifi I'm so sorry, your poor DH and his Mum.

They will. However they cannot fail to pass on serious concerns, the law (Children Act 1989) is clear about this.
Balancing the needs of women and children is hard. There is no simple answer. However child protection takes precedence if a choice needs to be made.
It's not a blanket policy, not every child is at immediate risk, but if there is immediate risk then child protection must be informed.

heartisaspade Fri 15-Nov-13 12:22:50 SoAholewhat do you think is the alternative? That social servicesdon'tget involved, a child gets injured or worse or at least traumatised (as you can see from people on this thread who are STILL traumatised by what they went through as kids) and when it ends up as a news story, it turns out that the family doctor (or teacher or whoever) KNEW about it but chose not to inform the agencieswho exist to help and protect vulnerable people?

I said that i was concerned it would stop people seeking help and so women would likely stay in abusive relationships longer, not that i had all the answers.

Ahole I think it is very different when a person, a parent, goes to the GP themselves and says 'I have a problem and I need help with it', versus a person going to their GP and saying 'I am in an abusive situation'. Because in the second scenario, the person with the problem has not even acknowledged that they are doing anything wrong, quite the opposite.

veryconfusedatthemoment Fri 15-Nov-13 12:47:35 Ahole - very interesting observation. I had anger issues post birth. I couldn't understand it, very very poor support from external people eg dr, HV. Ex H didn't understand it either - in hindsight I wondered if it was menopause. But perhaps not. Sorry not very supportive to OP but a light bulb moment for me.

I didn't think anyone else on here would be able to relate! How long did yours last?

Ali I think that's a bit simplistic - after all if you have gone to the GP you are taking action, may be not the most obvious or direct course, but it is action of some kind.

Things must have changed in the last 10 years because at the refuge I volunteered at for several years, which were post-Childrens Act, we never referred to SS because a woman was not leaving home immediately. Confidentiality was an absolute. I know that if there was any doubt about confidentiality several women who were helped would never had had the confidence to ask for help in the first place.

There were some rare cases where DC were removed for their safety but they were well known to SS already. We never referred under CP afaik.

OP I know it might feel like the last thing you want to do now, but I suggest you get back in touch with WA to talk through your options. This will, most importantly help you to find a way through your situation, but, secondly, also reassure SS that you are working on a plan.

Bunch, I would be surprised if any refuse didn't have a robust child protection and safeguarding policy which absolutely involves the duty to refer to CP if a child is believed to be at risk.
I just mentioned it to a colleague who works in a refuge and she said they do refer to CP if necessary.

OP was told to go the GP to log her complaints about Husband. Womens Aid suggested it as a way to have evidence for the future. Wise advice in my opinion.

The reason they suggested it was because he owns the house and is currently the main carer so it could go very wrong for her if she doesn't have legal backup.

Like I said, it's not a blanket policy to report just as there cannot be a blanket policy not to report. Refuges will only refer to CS if children are in real, immediate risk. They won't make a referral simply on the basis of DV.

Maryz, you are correct. The first question I asked when entering refuge was if they would be informing social services. The reply was no, there was no need to involve social services as I had done what needed to be done in removing DD from an abusive environment.

A refuge I can understand because they're housing the children and therefore taking responsibility for them - but a helpline? The bit that is making me twitch is that so many women just won't call at all if that is known about. How can you support a woman in that situation? I appreciate it's an incredibly hard choice, but still.

Okay, just saw the clarification (sorry, sleepless all week and very pregnant; my brain is in a puddle on the floor atm!).

Springytick

I don't think op has been arsy at all! She was shocked that someone said she was putting her kids at risk for money, but i think anyone would be!

Dear dear, climb down off your high horse OP

What's that even supposed to mean in this context? Its a goady nasty comment!

Read the whole thread Ahole. I wasnt referring to the money angle but the entire approach.

Better she's 'goaded' here than tips up with that attitude with SS. She needs to climb down if she wants things to go well with them.

apolgoies for talking about you in the 3rd person OP.

Good god can't you lot just let this woman LTB in peace?

I have read the whole thread and i can't see anywhere that she's been arsey.