can you just ask someone for sex?

[secretsatan]

If you suspect that someone fancies you, how wrong is it to just ask them if they'd like some sex?

I'm not up for a relationship at all. But I'd really like some sex.

I don't think subtle is going to work. Or at least it will take too long. Or they might think I want to go out with them.

remind me how this works. It's been a while.

Mist I've not really registered any of your points so I'm probably conflating the 101 bits of bad advice that have been given on this thread.

Thanks for the acknowledging that. No, don't apologise ...

"Even if you didn't fancy a woman at all you'd still jump like a shot if she offered you sex!"

You must know some pretty desperate men then. ToTheTeeth is correct - not all men are gagging for it from any old available female. I used to work in IT with a load of guys and from hearing them talking they wouldn't have accepted any old offer if they didn't fancy the woman.

I think this guy responded in a way to not offend the OP. Basically he wasn't up for it with her - for whatever reason.

I flirt with all sorts of people I wouldn't have sex with!

Why do you do that, FJ ?

I do too - not to the extent of seriously implying I want to have sex with them (but I don't think that the man in this situation has, has he? Not outright), but flirting is fun, it's just part of human relationships.

And pricktease is a horrible misogynist word. And concept, come to think of it.

Only totally creepy guys would accept ANY offer. Most people, thankfully, are decent and think about situations as a whole, considering their and the other person's emotions and the knock on effect of possible actions. We might be animals but most of the time we don't act on instinct any more. Otherwise we would kill our young if we didn't think they would survive.

Surely everyone does it? I flirt with my boss, my colleagues, sometimes my friends, random people in bars, coffee shops etc. If I actually started sleeping with them all I'd completely discredit myself and have no time to get anything done. Plus my DP might be a bit peeved.

"Surely everyone does it?"

Erm, no. I don't flirt with anyone. a) I have forgotten how to and b) I can't be bothered.

Pretty sure most men will certainly turn down a woman if they did not fancy her. I have seen it enough times, a friend of mine actually ran from a woman when she was being very pushy about coming home with him.

And there are also men who would turn down a woman even if they did fancy her depending on their values or current circumstances.

Indeed it is, Berstie.

But I was rather blatantly being accused of man-hating.

I wondered if there was a male equivalent. It seems there isn't, and what he has done is perfectly acceptable (even though a woman would be slated for it)

I don't flirt. I am a flirt-free zone. Friendly, yes.

Am I meant to have accused you of man hating? I don't think you're a man hater. I just think you don't understand people, men apparently but maybe women as well for all I know.

ok

I wouldn't slate a woman for it. I don't know anybody who would, except for the kind of men who think that women exist as vessels for them to have sex in. Yep, funnily enough, they're the ones who use the word "pricktease".

It's perfectly fine to be friendly towards someone and perhaps (consciously or unconsciously) give off signs that you might be interested in them, and then when that person asks, to say, oh, actually no, sorry.

If somebody is constantly making comments that overtly say "I would like to date you/sleep with you" and then turns down your advances, then that IS weird, but I don't think that's what the OP's man has done. However there are a couple of current threads (won't link because it's not really fair or relevant) where a DH is doing this and the general opinion IS that he is being unreasonable. So I'm not seeing any double standard here at all. :)

Should have said: Any man with a high sex drive who isn't getting much or any sex, i.e. a man who is feeling very frustrated, will certainly do it. Nothing creepy or odd about it at all. Just male human nature and perfectly natural.

Zara, but how on earth do you know that this particular man isn't getting any sex/ONS/whatever?

I don't think a man is obliged to sleep with a woman he flirted with, of course not, but he could have at least say 'I know I may have given you the idea' i.e. acknowledge that she wasn't just jumping on him based on nothing, to let her save face I suppose, rather than make her feel 'am I rubbish at reading signals' and feeling awkward. Applies to both sexes obviuosly.

beaglesaresweet Sorry, I was only speaking generally to explain what I said earlier and which some people seem to find hard to believe. Not referring to this man in particular.

DownstairsMixUp Some men aren't so lucky and just don't get all these offers that they can take or leave. They just desperately want sex with a woman. It's sad for them and they shouldn't be looked down on for being willing to take anything they can get. They can't help the way they feel.

it's just that you sads it was odd of him to refuse and then added the generalisation about all men. Now it's clearer what you meant (IF he's been celibate for a while, and if he has high libido). Even then - some highly sexed men are still choosy believe it or not. For example if he can't get attracted to a particular body type/height even, then he just wouldn't get aroused.

I'd imagine Secretsatan is very nice, attractive and sexy, therefore I honestly think most men would jump at the offer this man who flirted with her is refusing. I do think it is odd. Offers like that don't come one's way every day.
It's a shame for her self-esteem that she got a refusal. I only hope she won't feel humiliated or too upset by it. I'm pretty sure the majority of available men would have jumped at the chance. She was awfully unlucky fgor that to happen.

Well, this is making me feel like shit.

Could you possibly discuss precisely how unattractive a prospect I must have been for him to turn me down on a different, more general thread?

Thanks.