can you just ask someone for sex?

[secretsatan]

If you suspect that someone fancies you, how wrong is it to just ask them if they'd like some sex?

I'm not up for a relationship at all. But I'd really like some sex.

I don't think subtle is going to work. Or at least it will take too long. Or they might think I want to go out with them.

remind me how this works. It's been a while.

So relieved SS. File him away under Possible Future Fuck.
He is probably hung up on an ex or something similarly hideous. Best left alone til he comes to his senses and realises what he has passed up on for now.
"Next!"

Phew. So glad he replied.

Good that he said 'no' nicely, but why the F did he keep flirting with you? strange. You say, OP that he didn't get the 'no strings aspect', you mean it sounded like he wouldn't agree with it or that he thought you wanted a r-ship? if latter, maybe it's worth clarifying it to him at some point.

If he says he's in 'a very confused place' at present maybe that phrase he used is a way of hinting to you that he's not quite sure about his sexuality or preferences. Doesn't seem to be all that uncommon.
Otherwise he's mad to turn you down. You sound lovely! And so sexy!

I thin you dodged a bullet, OP

People who flirt, give you come-ons and then back off with "I am in a confused place at the moment" when you respond appropriately are best swerved, tbh

*think

Oh yeah, because he's definitely the nutter in this scenario.

Some of you have some very odd ideas about men.

Its a polite way of saying thanks but no thanks. He doesn't need swerving or anything.

Have to say I'm with teeth on this.

He said no. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Who said "nutter" ?

and I think he has been odd

I would say the same if a woman did this. She would get called a pricktease, what do we call men that behave like this ?

ridiculous attempt at "whataboutthemenz-ing"

I did say waaay upthread he was allowed to say no and possibly because he didn't fancy OP. Nothing wrong with that.

But coming out with shit like "in a confused place at the moment" makes him sound like a gameplayer, taking his previous flirting into account

unless we are to conclude that OP completely misread the signals ?

Nutter is not a direct quote (hence err, no quote marks) but the assumption here is clearly that he has both lead her on and is deeply odd for not accepting some random proposition. Neither seems fair. The OP's behaviour might make her friends laugh and entertain the lurkers on this thread but there are better and more reliable ways to get casual sex which don't portray you as a wreck because donning an emotional 'kick me' sign is always such a good idea.

"I'm in a confused place" is a recognised brush off. It's up there with focusing on my career, want some time to be single etc. He is being polite. What's he supposed to say? "I don't even want to give you an evening of my time"?

No, you are conflating two points. I only made one of them.

I take issue with the leading her on and then using a shit excuse to turn her down, not that he is "odd" for turning her down. He is completely entitled to say no.

I also object to the thinly veiled accusation of man-bashing

of course he could mean 'confused about an ex', so maybe he's not sure how single he is. That at least is understandable.

if "nutter" was not a direct quote then don't use it

because "nutter" is quite a loaded word, isn't it ?

ToTheTeeth, but he did flirt fo rquit a long time according to OP. It wasn't unreasonable of her to assume he may want sex. I think really that he's a sensitive type and doesn't do 'recreational sex' but wouldn't want to spell it out. Even the response he came out with points to that. Just not on the compatible really with OP.

no 'on the' in last sentence

He might "do" recreational sex but do it in the normal way that most people do it, which is to have a drink first and just read the fucking signals. Feeling the need to spell it out before going out is really quite odd and I can see why it turned him off. None of the casual sex I've had has been explicitly arranged but it's always been obvious to anyone with any awareness what's on the cards.

Mist I've not really registered any of your points so I'm probably conflating the 101 bits of bad advice that have been given on this thread.

His refusal is very odd. Even if you didn't fancy a woman at all you'd still jump like a shot if she offered you sex! It's something the average man just doesn't turn down, assuming he's not attractive enough to be as choosy as he likes.
He must just be all words and no action. Strange.

Wreck isn't very kind :(

Even if you didn't fancy a woman at all you'd still jump like a shot if she offered you sex!

This. Just. Isn't. True. Especially if it's something you have to actually choose to do, rather than accidental drunken chain of events.

Honestly, do some of you think men are like dogs?

Don't worry SS. Next time he's pissed you'll be getting a text. This has been and will be on his mind a lot as I imagine it doesn't happen to him all the time.

He replied in the negative, he's allowed to decline. We get in a dangerous place when we start suggesting a person is in some way obligated to have sex because they flirted!

If you ask outright, you might get turned down. That's the risk you take. It doesn't make anyone a 'wreck' or nutter for asking to clarify where they stand.

Honestly, do some of you think men are like dogs?

We are animals. Read up on evolutionary biology.
humanorigins.si.edu/resources/intro-human-evolution -for example.
Humans are a species of animal.